Dear So and So [Archive] - Page 28 - Women's Cycling Discussion Forums

Catrin

09-28-2013, 05:40 PM

Oy, unpacking. (Reminds me, there are still two boxes in my living room that I need to deal with, and about 4 small ones in my bedroom. Not counting the winter clothes that I'm not unpacking for a while...)

Look after that shoulder!

Yeah, both shoulders are complaining, throbbing a bit. Tomorrow is a REST day, and perhaps the next day - we shall see. I really would like to ride my bike Monday, and I am off work until Wednesday but we will see. I need to be well rested for my training group Tuesday morning.

Phew.

(... and watch out for that emotional crash ... if it were me I would be having a big one in three ... two ... one ... )

I am a bit concerned about this... I've not been able to slow down since returning to town from my mom's funeral so we will see how the next week goes. I've only had two huge stressors at the same time.

Good luck in your new place, Catrin.
Moving does take a lot out of you.

I LOVE the new apartment! I hadn't realized how SMALL the last place was until now. No wonder it felt so confining! All of the boxes are unpacked outside of 3 and most of the empty boxes have been disposed of. All books are in their places (sort of) and all electronics up and running :) I just finished a beer and hope to get a good night's sleep!

emily_in_nc

09-28-2013, 06:40 PM

Congratulations on the new digs, Catrin. Hope you feel all settled in soon -- moving is always unsettling for awhile -- and enjoy your new space.

Get some rest!

Pax

09-30-2013, 03:28 AM

Congrats Catrin!! We just moved as well, LOVE the new place, feels like a clean slate.

Crankin

10-02-2013, 05:23 AM

Dear Lesley University,
Why is it taking over a week to get a copy of my transcript? Your slowness is the only thing holding up my professional license application. I received my transcript from ASU, 2,800 miles away in 6 days.

Owlie

10-08-2013, 11:32 PM

Dear face--
Please stop hurting. Barring that, please be something like a sinus infection or unhappy gums or from me clenching my jaw so much. I have prescription drug coverage. I don't have dental insurance any more. I can't afford for you to be a toothache or something resulting from that a cracked filling (which already happened once this summer).

Eden

10-11-2013, 09:19 AM

malkin

10-11-2013, 05:43 PM

Dear thieving jerk... please keep your sticky little fingers out of my garden. I worked very hard to plant all that and your stealing my first (and perhaps only...) nicely orange bell pepper doesn't exactly make my day.. My front yard is not a grocery store, a garden center (to you whom has in the past stolen my flowers and pots) or a furniture store (my nice little lounger).... stay out of my yard!!

Amen to that!
Last year someone stole our funky little windmill/light from Ikea. People take produce and rip flowers out all the time. Last week some ladies in scrubs pushing wheelchairs/patients from a neighborhood care facility came to the door to confess that they had taken tomatoes previously and could they please have more. I was busy dealing with a problem and late-for-work and on the phone, so I was super-annoyed. In retrospect it is just rather puzzling behavior.

If we can garden, so can you!!

Eden

10-11-2013, 10:33 PM

:eek::eek::eek: They had the unmitigated gall to ask for *more*!!!!

Fredwina

10-12-2013, 01:40 AM

some folks will steal anything:
http://www.timesunion.com/local/article/Police-Milk-bottle-thief-nabbed-4885784.php

Pax

10-12-2013, 02:23 AM

kajero

10-12-2013, 08:13 AM

Dear friends and colleagues,

Yes, we own a truck. A lovely Nissan four door truck, it is our only vehicle... please stop asking to borrow it!!! If you need to move grandmas dresser rent a Uhaul, it's only $19 a day. How would you feel if I asked to borrow your very nice Lexus for this evening since were going to the symphony and it would be a nicer choice for a dressy occasion??

Signed,

Buy you own!

My daughter had that issue. She finally decided to tell them they could, but she would appreciate it they paid the same rental fee as the U-Haul as well as return it with a full tank of gas. (And she always made sure the tank was nearly empty) Funny, she lost "friends" that she never liked anyway and others knew better than to ask.

OakLeaf

10-12-2013, 10:14 AM

Pax, you need one of those bumper stickers. You know the one I mean.

Make sure you charge them the full U-Haul rate. That $19 a day does NOT include mileage, and the mileage rate is astronomical. It was like $60-70 just to haul a load of soil amendments and mulch from the Home Depot out to my house. I guess the home improvement stores rent trucks out now, but back then they didn't....

malkin

10-16-2013, 01:54 PM

Dear Colleagues:

IRONY. You'd recognize it if you had been paying attention in school.

Speech-language pathologist with laryngitis.

Not humorous.
Not a really funny joke.
Irony.

Maybe it was covered at school on the same day as those pesky apostrophe rules.

Oh well. I took the day off and it is my birthday.

kajero

10-17-2013, 01:23 PM

Dear who ever puts the signs on stop lights

I was riding my bike and needed to cross a very busy intersection with no bicycle lanes. It is the only route/intersection that allows me access to where I want to go. How do I do that when you have a sign showing the figure in the red circle with a slash going through it on every stoplight post in the intersection?

A terribly confused bicycle rider who can't cross the street legally! :confused:

Sky King

10-18-2013, 07:55 AM

the sign says no bike? I am confused. You are a wheeled vehicle, take your lane and cross just like the motored vehicles. I cross a six lane highway everyday. If the light is red I line up behind the car in front of me and cross like a car. If there are several cars waiting, I go to the front and usually stop between the first and second cars - on their right side I say usually because I try to see who has their blinker on to turn right. When the light turns green, proceed - do not hug the side of the road. give yourself plenty of space, the cars can drive a little slower until it is safe to pass you.

Dear who ever puts the signs on stop lights

I was riding my bike and needed to cross a very busy intersection with no bicycle lanes. It is the only route/intersection that allows me access to where I want to go. How do I do that when you have a sign showing the figure in the red circle with a slash going through it on every stoplight post in the intersection?

A terribly confused bicycle rider who can't cross the street legally! :confused:

Eden

10-18-2013, 10:15 AM

OakLeaf

10-18-2013, 10:25 AM

Sky King is right about how to ride through an intersection ... you're a vehicle just like any other.

As far as pedestrians - I've never seen a sign like that at an intersection where the other side didn't have pedestrian facilities. So you just cross at the other side.

Now, I know plenty of roads and city streets that have no pedestrian facilities at all, and I just yesterday had to deal with some construction like Eden is talking about. But they don't have signs forbidding pedestrians to cross at both sides. Where there are no pedestrian facilities at all is almost easier - you wear your scrubby jeans and your hiking boots and expect to walk in the ditches, climb the banks, etc., but when there *is* a sidewalk but it's closed, typically you have no choice but the road, which can be super busy with no shoulder.

Eden

10-18-2013, 10:33 AM

I think I have seen places where all 4 intersections are closed to peds - they want you to go down to a mid-block crosswalk light, often with some sort of center island or to a pedestrian over/under pass...

kajero

10-18-2013, 10:46 AM

sounds like we need a photo.... I agree with Sky King about how to handle it as a cyclist, but what happens if you are a pedestrian...... we've had situations like that around here, though they are temporary... but come on, close all 4 corners of an intersection for construction at the same time.... the planner for that one must *never* walk anywhere... when my husband complained that he couldn't get to the store to buy his lunch (it was near his work) they put up signs that said "Businesses are Open During Construction"....

I just finished working on the map (I would have to ride 47 miles to get a photo.). Click on jpg to enlarge. Maybe I will drive out there. The drive is much shorter because I don't ride on the trails.

16750

The green line on Post Road is a trail out of Fort Snelling State Park. The trail picks up on the other side of the intersection.
The lanes going across the freeway are very, very busy. Post Road is another way to get to the airport.
There are no shoulders and the traffic lanes are extremely narrow. There is very little area between the stop signs and the stop lights.

I think this is a dangerous intersection so I really need to be aware of everything! I wonder how many drivers are aware of bicyclists because of the signs.

And then surprise, surprise. The same thing is at the entrance of the cemetery. There is no way to get from the bike lane into the cemetery. I didn't see much other way than to disobey the signs. There is a lot of construction so I hope it is only temporary.

Eden

10-18-2013, 12:26 PM

I checked out google street view - from what I can see there's a sidewalk in the park, that may or may not be signed as a MUP (multi use path). Outside of the park there are no sidewalks or bike lanes in the area, unless they've been striped since the street views were made. In order to go across the bridge it is necessary that you use the street - the moment you decide to do that you are officially a vehicle, not a pedestrian, so the no ped crossing signs have no bearing on you as a cyclist - you are not disobeying the traffic laws. The best way to handle a situation like this one where he lanes are narrow is to simply take the middle of the lane- across the bridge no one has any business trying to share that lane with you, they can wait the few seconds it will take for you to cross safely. At the lights, the same - claim your space, use the lights the same as you would in a car. I can't see any other way unless you intend to ride in the grass...

lph

10-23-2013, 12:34 PM

Dear hubby,

I love you dearly, but WHY did you just give away that set of kitchen drawers? You were the one who suggested keeping them through the kitchen renovation, I agreed because we need them in the storage room later. And we really do need to have somewhere to keep our assorted cr*p while we turn the kitchen into a swath of desolation. Hello? Just because we were giving away the other cabinets doesn't mean the drawers we agreed that we NEEDED. Argh.

Dear self,
chill. It's just a set of drawers. I know it bugs you to have your neatly thought-out system fall apart the minute you turn your back, but really, it will all be ok. I swear.

snapdragen

10-23-2013, 02:32 PM

I've been through a kitchen renovation. Find your happy place, it will be OK. :)

marni

10-24-2013, 05:19 PM

amy house renovation and hanging wall paper are two of the leading causes of divorce. I will never ever do either again with anyone excet a declared enemy. Just sayin.

Irulan

10-26-2013, 06:09 AM

amy house renovation and hanging wall paper are two of the leading causes of divorce. I will never ever do either again with anyone excet a declared enemy. Just sayin.

I thought disagreement over finances was #1.
DH and I do fine with renos. Our idea of a fun date is Home Depot on a Friday night looking at sinks.

thekarens

10-26-2013, 06:13 AM

I thought disagreement over finances was #1.
DH and I do fine with renos. Our idea of a fun date is Home Depot on a Friday night looking at sinks.

We do fine with renos. I let my partner decide everything and I do my best to stay out of the way.

Finances we solved by splitting the bills and having separate bank accounts.

However, if we ever had to house hunt together I imagine blood would flow. Thankfully our house is almost paid for so we won't be going anywhere.

kajero

10-26-2013, 08:24 AM

I contracted the remodeling of our bathroom out. It was cheaper than a split up. However we shopped together for the toilet, sink, vanity etc. It was a nightmare. After two years I still hate the toilet, but I got so darn tired of arguing! :mad: And of course, you use THAT every day.

If there is a next time I will I insist on picking out everything myself. He will not be invited along!

OakLeaf

10-26-2013, 09:56 AM

We got bogged down just picking everything out! It's not that we had trouble agreeing on stuff, there's just so much of it, from so many different sources, and you have to be in one store imagining how their stuff is going to look in the same room with the stuff you looked at in another store across town three days ago. Aaaaugh. Maybe it will finally happen next year.

Crankin

10-26-2013, 12:27 PM

I absolutely hate anything to do with picking out stuff for the house. Of course, I like nice stuff, but for so long I abdicated all of this to DH. He knew everything about houses when we got married and I had no involvement at all with picking out things like window treatments and flooring until very recently. When I finally went with him, to pick out stuff for our bathroom and kitchen remodel in this house, we were so rushed (it was after work) and everything we picked was not available, so we ended up choosing the same counters and cabinets for the bathroom as in the kitchen. It doesn't look bad, just the same, which is boring. And, when presented with the blueprints for the bathroom, I said, "yea, fine," and I hate one of the design features. Me looking at a blueprint is like a blind man trying to read print! And while I love our huge shower with a bench, I am afraid not having a tub in the master bath might hurt us when we go to sell. I hate making long, drawn out decisions, and when I shop, I see what I like and buy. Generally, when I have ideas about what to do, they are right, but then I let DH or a professional take over. I do like shopping for furniture, though.

lph

10-27-2013, 01:29 PM

We luckily have somewhat the same taste when it comes to redecorating, so no big fights, though we do regularly disagree. We landed on a nifty solution for this kitchen, since we ended up spending so much time discussing which one of the two countertops/dresser fronts/yadda yadda we liked did we actually want to BUY - he got the final say on the fronts, I got the final say on the counter tops, he got the backsplash, I got the wall colour, etc.

malkin

10-28-2013, 04:18 AM

Our kitchen is a 'swath of desolation' as well. The living/dining and spare bedroom are also, because they will get new flooring. The rest of the house looks like a unit on Storage Wars, piled with everything.

Most people can't believe that we would live in a house with kitchen walls made of cardboard for a year and a half...we took out the old cabinets and there were no walls back there. It was open to the studs--we covered most of it with some cheapie whiteboard stuff but there was a little open space at the top and above the fridge. It didn't bother me until the cat went in there and came out filthy. So Brewer closed it up with pieces of cardboard boxes. Of course it doesn't look great, but I can be content thinking of my foremothers with dirt floors and no plumbing. Cardboard walls are better than no walls at all, right?

In the living room, when we moved in and ripped out the dog pee carpet, the subfloor looked ok and we had the surface finished. The cats have now customized the surface to the point of splintering, which I also kind of didn't mind but I kept my path to the rugs when I walked around barefooted.

The last time anyone worked on the house, we had gone to Switzerland to visit my dad and when we got home completely exhausted and found the house a complete disaster, I thought I might need to be placed on a 72 hour psych hold, so I haven't been too eager to make another run at it.

The tide turned when I got to coveting a new piano, found what I wanted, and Brewer loved it too...of course it makes sense to replace the flooring BEFORE bringing a piano in, and of course it makes sense to destroy the kitchen at the same time--Brewer knows I may never agree to it otherwise--and I'm already overly busy and a little coo-coo adjusting to my new job, so going completely out of my mind seems unlikely. So here we are.

lph

10-28-2013, 05:43 AM

The rest of the house looks like a unit on Storage Wars, piled with everything.

Oh yeah. :D

I only just this minute got a call from IKEA, who will be delivering our new kitchen stuff ASAP. But they weren't supposed to come for another hour, so I had to run around and find rugs for them to trample in on. And doing anything at this point involves shifting piles of other stuff. So finding a rug involved pulling it out from under the stove (as we've been using it to pull the stove around between uses), which involved moving the coffee percolator and water boiler which were balanced on top of the stove, which was pretty impossible because there was nowhere else to put them as the dining table is also our functioning kitchen counter and is half covered with assorted small stuff. Which may have something to do with the fact that dh gave away that set of drawers...

And lugging a packet of new flooring out of the way so that it doesn't get boxed in by 3 tonnes of IKEA-ware, I neatly managed to put in a huge scratch in the livingroom parquet flooring. Yippee.

And so it goes, indeed.

I'm actually so early on in the process that I'm looking forward to it, but I'm pretty sure that three weeks from now when we feel that we should have been done and still have siding to put up and drawer handles to attach and so on and so on that I will be wondering what possessed us to ever start.

eta: I didn't mean siding, I meant trim. Don't really know the proper terms in English.

malkin

10-28-2013, 06:50 PM

So the guys did the living room floor today and did some demolition in the kitchen--removed the whiteboard and the cardboard, leaving the walls--well, wall-less. Kind hearted Brewer didn't want to leave them in jail upstairs, so he moved everything away from the wall-less side making it impossible for a cat to get in up there. So imagine our surprise when we hear a plaintive mewing from the cellar. We discover a hole in the kitchen floor, just big enough for a cat to get through.

Getting into the cellar is complicated by the fact that the entrance is a door in the floor which is of course covered by furniture that belongs everywhere else. *eye roll*
All's well that ends well and that silly cat is back upstairs with his brothers, where I believe he will be staying until the work is all done and cleaned up.

lph

10-29-2013, 02:39 AM

Aw :-)

Our Lyra just disappears outside in a huff through her cat flap whenever the noisy people start. Sometimes she'll just sit outside looking in, looking indignant. She also goes around complaining when we move her food bowls, again.

We managed to lay most of the new kitchen floor last night. I would be more pleased about it if it weren't for the fact that it's identical to the old floor, which we only pulled up because there would be gaps in it once we installed the new kitchen furniture, plus some minor damage in a corner. So now we've spent 4 hours, sweating and cussing, and the result is a lovely new floor that looks, well, just like the old one, only a little bit more of it.

I'm very pleased that I got to receive the IKEA stuff, though. I spent a full and happy hour organizing it into neat piles, according to when we'll need it :p without my guys around who would just laugh at me.

Crankin

10-29-2013, 08:45 AM

More fun household stuff.
On August 14 our go to contractor came to begin to rebuild one of the 2 small decks we have. We were on the way to the airport for our trip to Italy when dh's phone rang. The deck AND the steps leading to it, as well as the side of the house around the slider to the steps are rotted through. It was so bad, he didn't have time to continue what was supposed to be a one week job. He came back last week and we now have demolished the deck and it is not being rebuilt. He is rebuilding the walls on 2 sides, taking out the sliders in the living rm and dining rm, and just putting up a wall in both places. Both of these rooms already have plenty of light, and. Our patio in the back is totally different and looks much better!
The down side is we will most likely have unpainted drywall ( and hopefully not boards) for my birthday celebration on the 9th. No one I have to impress is attending, but... Hope it's going to be done for Thanksgiving.
We figured out we've spent 11k a year since we've lived in this house on home repair. Of course, some was the original kitchen and baths remodel, but we've done 2 roofs (don't ask), doors, 33 windows, carpet in the lower level, new hot water heater, painting, and landscaping. The chimney still needs to be fixed. Our contractor says he's never seen a house so poorly built except one from the 1880s.
This is what I get for wanting to move out of my Stepford neighborhood, which is looking pretty good right now.

emily_in_nc

10-29-2013, 09:33 AM

Reading all these posts about household remodeling and repair, I am even happier that we no longer own a home. We had owned a total of five homes and one condo over the years since we married in 1985 until earlier this year. Now we are house-free and living on the payments from our condo (we sold but did owner financing) and some savings until the balloon payment on the condo comes due (4.5 years unless they pay it off early) and until we start drawing on our retirement investments and/or drawing social security.

We are renting the home we are in (a nice furnished home of friends who are cruising on their sailboat) for very little and thus able to travel frequently. Next year we will probably move to a full-time traveling lifestyle, though we're still undecided about whether we'll buy an RV or continue to go with VRBOs -- monthly rentals are often quite reasonable.

We are enjoying having minimal home and yard maintenance requirements and will have even less once we're no longer in this rental. It's a different lifestyle, to be sure. The downside is not knowing many people in our immediate community and not having any community "roots" so to speak. Most of our friends and family are in NC and Ohio, with a few scattered all over the US. But it's a nice change of pace from a home and yard and all that entails.

Eventually I suspect we'll buy a place again to use as a base, but it may be a condo or townhouse to keep maintenance to a minimum and so we can continue to travel frequently without as many worries about security and upkeep. We know quite a few folks now who snowbird (either in the US or internationally) to avoid winters in the colder states, and that sounds pretty good to us.

For right now, though, we have no desire to become homeowners again anytime soon. We see all the headaches my folks are having with their home and their vacation cabin -- like crankin's experience, there always seems to be something major needing repaired or replaced. And then there's the yard upkeep. We've done extensive work in my folks' two yards and my DH's folks' yard this year to help them out as they've all gotten nearly too old to keep up with it. At least as long as we have parents still living in homes with yards, we have NO desire for our own. We'd rather be riding our bikes, hiking, sightseeing, or doing pretty much anything else.

Crankin

10-29-2013, 03:36 PM

I have a pragmatic attitude toward this, Emily. DH used to get upset, but doesn't anymore. At least not like he used to. We chose to move here rather impulsively. We had never owned a house more than 10 years old. This house was about 25 when we bought it; we were enamored of the uniqueness of a contemporary home in this area (which fits us much better, actually. I cannot stand traditional style furniture) and the neighborhood itself, with a community pond. We knew we would do the remodel when we moved in and it was fine. Everything was done on time and no catastrophes. The only catastrophe was the first roof we put on; 2 years later we had 20 inches of snow on the roof, ice dams, and water pouring in the kitchen and dining room. The house has unusual roof lines and we needed a real expert to figure out how to stop this. I could not imagine living in an apartment at this stage of my life, or maybe ever. We eventually will move to a townhome or condo, if we can find one that meets our requirements, which is hard in this area. I am not ready to get rid of all of my sports stuff, in 4-5 years. We don't want to move to the city, either. We may expand our search to a few other surrounding towns, but we also might end up just buying a smaller house and contract out all of the outside work; we don't have a lawn now, which was a requirement, after the last house, but we do have landscaping. I hate gardening, DH likes it, though. DH is hesitant about sharing any walls with neighbors.
We know we won't ever be snowbirds, as we like winter sports too much. I wouldn't be adverse to a longer trip back to AZ in the winter, but no second home there. We've actually thought of buying 2 smaller places, one around here, and one out in the Berkshires, which is really a 4 season sport/cultural place, still in Massachusetts (although people from NYC seem to think otherwise!). And none of this has affected our ability to ride or do other stuff. We've always had people do our outdoor yard work, until we moved here. My motto is to outsource everything, if you can afford it.
I just am not that enamored of any of the home "planning" things, whether it be a major remodel or a small thing, the way some women get crazy about "design." I've become more participatory in the past few years, as I've ended up with things I don't like due my own laziness over this stuff. I think this started out as a "I hate womanly things" kind of rant when I was a young married person, and I was more than happy to let DH handle it all, as he *knew* about window treatments and such when he was 23 :eek:. I'll never forget when the woman came to our second home with the "book" of window treatments after we moved in. When I said "Oh, you're here to see my husband," she truly did not know what to say. I was 8 months pregnant and more worried about starting the new school year and being about to give birth in the same time frame!

SheFly

10-29-2013, 05:46 PM

For right now, though, we have no desire to become homeowners again anytime soon. We see all the headaches my folks are having with their home and their vacation cabin -- like crankin's experience, there always seems to be something major needing repaired or replaced. And then there's the yard upkeep. We've done extensive work in my folks' two yards and my DH's folks' yard this year to help them out as they've all gotten nearly too old to keep up with it. At least as long as we have parents still living in homes with yards, we have NO desire for our own. We'd rather be riding our bikes, hiking, sightseeing, or doing pretty much anything else.

Yup - we own three homes (that we do not rent out). I wouldn't have things any other way! Our primary home is a 1950s ranch that we have had quite a lot of work done to, and I love. Our second home in Maine is a 1980s chalet where we have also done a bunch of work (ourselves on that one). We love it so much we have decided that we can't possibly sell it - too much of us in it. And our third is a three season camp in VT built in the 70s. That one needs A LOT of work, but we enjoy that sort of effort.

Funny story. Two years after we bought the house in Maine, we were building a reasonably significant addition. It was to have a cathedral ceiling (14 feet) with a center ridge beam. We were setting the rafters with DH on the ladder and me passing the rafters up to him to set. He set one, decided he didn't like the way it fit, and asked me for another. The next thing I remember, I was sitting on the step of the shed with my hand on my head, which was GUSHING blood. The rafter (a 10x12) had fallen from 14 feet and hit me in the head :eek:. It didn't knock me out, but did require 9 staples to close (that is another story). So, that house, literally, is our blood sweat and tears :D.

Different wants/needs for everyone! I am lucky that despte trying to kill me once, DH and I can do those kinds of projects together (and live to tell about it!).

SheFly

emily_in_nc

10-29-2013, 06:16 PM

I think one reason I'm glad for our "no house" lifestyle now is that we built three houses over the years (one a starter home and two custom homes later). We did all of the landscaping on each and a lot of interior work (painting, etc.) We had gardens and worked on the house or yard ALL the time. We have always been frugal and have rarely hired out any work, inside or outside the home. DH doesn't like having workers around, and I could never have a housekeeper for this reason (until we lived in the condo in Belize and housekeepers came with our HOA -- he still didn't like their weekly visits, but I did!)

I think we just really burned out on all that is entailed in being a homeowner. Don't get me wrong; I love not sharing walls or floors with neighbors and the privacy of a house, but there are many tradeoffs. It's kind of a "been there, done that, time for another phase of life" now for us. We are so enjoying having fewer possessions, only one car (but six bikes!) and being able to pick up and go wherever, whenever without being tied to a house and yard.

We love nature and woods and as a result, I can't ever say we'll never buy another home on acreage and make a wonderful place for ourselves (and work ourselves to death, as we have in the past), but I'm beginning to think we're past the ages to do that again, especially since we're no longer working and can finally travel the way we always wanted to.

Crankin

10-30-2013, 03:20 AM

SheFly, your story had me laughing with coffee in my mouth. It's really not funny, though. You were lucky! Where in Vermont is the camp?
Emily, my DH is very handy and has done a lot of the electrical/plumbing work in th house, and other smaller jobs. He can fix anything. He remodeled 2 out of the 3.5 baths himself. But, we don't have the tolerance to live in half finished rooms for long periods of time, so the big remodel was contracted out. The kitchen/powder room was 6 wks. and the master bath was 4-5 weeks, with about 2 weeks in between the 2. Up until we lived here, our 2 houses in AZ were brand new, so no real work there, except yard work and painting. Our first house here was about 10 years old and we did a few minor things, like flooring and carpeting, changing cabinet hardware. We couldn't afford anything else. This house was also shoddily built, but it looked OK. The house we bought after that (where we lived before this one) was about a year old when we bought it, and was owned by a single guy who was never home. The neighbors threw a bag of fertilizer on the lawn, to give him a hint (Stepford neighborhood). DH spent tons of time on the landscaping/lawn, and then when we started cycling, we got a lawn service and he only did what he wanted to. We painted, got window shades, finished the basement (not ourselves), and had a rather elaborate screened porch (2 rooms) built, only 2 years before we moved. In retrospect, we've thought about what we would have to be doing if we had stayed there. We definitely would have done a kitchen remodel, though it would not have been as elaborate as this one. The windows were starting to rot, too. The house probably would have been paid off, but it's lost about 150K worth of value, maybe more, since we sold it at the peak in 2005. The house we have now, is estimated to be worth more than we bought it for; not that this matters... but generally people will pay more to live in this town, so I think it will be more helpful in the end, when we are ready to downsize. We've been talking about this more, as there's a lot of buzz in the press about 1) how people my age can't find townhomes in the suburbs, and 2) there's a housing boom in the greater Boston area. People are bidding hundreds of thousands of dollars over the asking prices of homes. My son, who has been in his house 1.5 years, has had 2 real estate agents stop by and ask if he would put his house up for sale! This is in an inner suburb, on a busy street, with no garage, up a steep hill!

SheFly

10-30-2013, 06:12 AM

Funny now, but not then. I've learned to wear a hard hat on those types of projects now :D It's still a good story. And we still sit in that room and marvel at the fact that only our two pairs of hands touched anything in the room to build it (including heat and electric - DH is very handy).

Crankin'- the VT camp is near the Kingdom Trails, in Kirby. We are 8.5 miles on scenic dirt roads to East Burke. DH grew up in the area, and his family is all still there.

SheFly

Crankin

10-30-2013, 09:57 AM

I love that area. Was there last winter. So sad the Kingdom trails are partly being closed to x country skiers for fat bikes...

malkin

10-30-2013, 06:23 PM

Is it part of construction guy training to locate the most recent project completed and then wreck it?

New floor installed Monday.
Wrecked by Drywall guy on Wednesday.
It was fun while it lasted.
:(

lph

10-30-2013, 11:54 PM

And we still sit in that room and marvel at the fact that only our two pairs of hands touched anything in the room to build it.

That, actually, thrills me no end. But then, I push papers for a living, and my idea of a really fulfilling and meaningful weekend is chopping wood until my hands don't work any more.

Sorry about your demolition gang, malkin! I'm just waiting for the first person to trash our new flooring, as we tromp all over it in boots carrying heavy machinery.

Irulan

11-02-2013, 06:59 AM

Is it part of construction guy training to locate the most recent project completed and then wreck it?

New floor installed Monday.
Wrecked by Drywall guy on Wednesday.
It was fun while it lasted.
:(

Yikes, that sounds like a contractor scheduling error!

Dear so-and-so, please send a quality contractor who would like to work my way...

I'm still trying to find a contractor for our kitchen. We are NOT having the firm that did our large remodel back.

We've interviewed an design-build firm that I found from Angie's List and Houzz that seems absolutely top,drawer....but so is their bid. I totally get the" you get what you pay for" thing with going for a low bid, but this one is really high. I have no doubts it would be stunning, however.

Then there was the guy my friend recommended with the partner who made bigoted comments during the interview. That was only part of it. They are a partnership, but when we asked how they like to be paid, one guy says "fixed bid" and the other guy says "time and materials. We ask who their suppliers are and get two different answers. I said I wanted to do the kitchen in the spring, and the bigot says, "that's when we like to do outside work" Hello- who is the customer here? We toured my friends home where they have been working and sure, the one IS meticulous, and the other guy made some really rookie tile mistakes. I'm still debating whether to put this whole experience on Angie's List or not.

I've interviewed two other firms I've found on Angie's list. One of them does a lot of work in a nicer neighborhood near me. When I drive though the neighborhood, I can see two or three jobs in progress at any given time, consistently over the last few years. That should be a good sign, right? Well, it's been several weeks and neither firm has gotten back to me with a bid or referrals to call.

Next up: I have a list that I got from the cabinet firm that did my friends house. We had gotten a cabinet bid from him when we were interviewing the partnership guys. He does beautiful work. I flat out told him that we were not going to use those guys and asked if he had any referrals. He's been around a long time, and has a big enough shop that he works with a lot of folks. So I am working my way down that list.
I'm really glad I started this process 10 months ahead of the anticipated start.

DH is very on board with this and whatever I want to do. He is driving me nuts by wanting me to select the counter, cabinet door and tile now, before I even have a contractor! I have a pretty good idea of what I want, but no specifics and I think going for specifics at this point is ridiculous as who knows which supplier we will be using. I will drag him down to Lowes and show him some stuff just to make him happy.

....and then there's the inordinate amount of time I'm spending on Houzz, lol...

Rant off.

OakLeaf

11-02-2013, 03:02 PM

Heh ...

Dear contractor with whom we spoke, before we got bogged down with the bathroom remodeling before even getting started,

Two middle-of-the-night wrong-number drunk texts to my phone in two weeks makes me glad we didn't go ahead with the project. But it makes me understand why you're so hard-up for business that you apparently still have my number in your phone after all this time.

Irulan

11-02-2013, 03:49 PM

Update: I told DH that we were off to Lowe's today to "preselect" door finish/counter color range as per his wishes. After looking at a few things, he said the magic words: " you are right". Now he agrees that it's too early to make these decisions. I knew that.

snapdragen

11-03-2013, 09:09 AM

Irulan

11-03-2013, 09:50 AM

*And the heavens opened up and angels sang* :)

I didn't say a word. :-)

Becky

11-04-2013, 05:15 AM

Dear Self-

Yes, that call that you missed while away from your desk probably was HR at the company you applied to. But you cannot stress about this. They called once and they will call back. Chill.

Pax

11-06-2013, 02:03 AM

Dear Illinois Lawmakers,

Thanks for getting it right yesterday. After almost 24 years together, my beloved partner and I can get married!!

Finally!

OakLeaf

11-06-2013, 03:31 AM

Woooohooooo! Is it too early for congratulations?

Pax

11-06-2013, 03:34 AM

Woooohooooo! Is it too early for congratulations?

It becomes law on June 1, 2014 (a Sunday), we'll be at the door when they open on Monday morning!!!!!

Crankin

11-06-2013, 04:44 AM

Congratulations!

spokewench

11-06-2013, 05:03 AM

Dear Illinois Lawmakers,

Thanks for getting it right yesterday. After almost 24 years together, my beloved partner and I can get married!!

Finally!

YAHOO - get it done quick before they change their minds!

Catrin

11-06-2013, 05:35 AM

Yayyyyy! Have a fantastic celebration!

lph

11-06-2013, 06:33 AM

It becomes law on June 1, 2014 (a Sunday), we'll be at the door when they open on Monday morning!!!!!

Oh, that is wonderful :-) I hope to see a very happy post here around about that time.

VeganBikeChick

11-06-2013, 08:20 AM

Dear other message board I (used to) frequent,

I appreciated that you had a depression thread where I felt safe to express my sadness along with many others in the same boat. I didn't appreciate your moderator telling me to go elsewhere with my issues when I had received support from others on that board. If I could talk to my friends in person, I would. Thanks for kicking me when I'm already down.

kajero

11-06-2013, 09:29 AM

I think all your team estrogen friends should have a virtual celebration for you!

emily_in_nc

11-06-2013, 05:51 PM

Pax -- that's awesome. I'm happy for you and your SO!

VeganBikeChick -- that SUCKS. So very sorry. People can be so cruel...

kajero

11-06-2013, 07:25 PM

VeganBikeChick - SparkPeople.com has an excellent message board for depression. I use it all the time! It helped get me through my unemployment crisis!

Owlie

11-06-2013, 07:26 PM

It becomes law on June 1, 2014 (a Sunday), we'll be at the door when they open on Monday morning!!!!!

Yaaaaaay!

OakLeaf

11-07-2013, 03:15 AM

Aw (((((VBC))))) that stinks. Sorry that happened to you.

snapdragen

11-07-2013, 07:52 AM

It becomes law on June 1, 2014 (a Sunday), we'll be at the door when they open on Monday morning!!!!!

That is so awesome! I'm very happy for you and your honey. :)

VeganBikeChick

11-07-2013, 09:28 AM

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support.

Yay for you, Pax! How exciting!!

Owlie

11-08-2013, 01:34 PM

Pax

11-08-2013, 02:25 PM

(((VBC))) So sorry you're dealing with this.

solobiker

11-08-2013, 03:27 PM

VeganBikeChick

11-08-2013, 03:50 PM

{VBC} So sorry to hear that you are still dealing with all of this. I so wish the move would have helped you. Just know you have my support. I was in a very dark place for a long time. It will get better.

Thanks so much,solo. Ironically enough, I was happier in CO so trying to move back. It truly was my happy place - hindsight is definitely 20/20. Wish I had reached out to the lovely TE'ers then that offered so much support. Sometimes I feel the tunnel is never-ending - just trying to stay positive that time will definitely help.

kajero

11-09-2013, 11:34 AM

Dear couple from Yankton, ND

I know I thanked you so much for helping me at the DIY store yesterday. I just wish I had your name and address. I would have loved to keep in touch. Oh well.

Xrayted

11-21-2013, 06:55 AM

Hiya kids. :D I've been gone from this forum for quite a while. There were various reasons but mostly because it was too hard to juggle all of the home stuff and then also the online/friend stuff. My plate was way too full at most times to even take care of myself completely. So... life has thrown me for a loop over the last few months, right into a ditch. But, the nice thing is, I'm strong and young and can bounce back as well. With a hard breakup, I started thinking of the things in my life that are most important. And realized that I needed to include myself in that list, at the top instead of last. I now have the time to get back to what I enjoy without apology or having to work around someone else's agenda and I have to say, it's been kinda nice. It's liberating in many ways to find oneself again and enjoy the everyday things life has to offer. I found that I have incredible friends (around the world too) that are here for me and care. And I can do this. I've picked myself up many time before and I can do it again. So, I got back on the bike one day, had an immediate zero mph fallover at a stop sign as I realized it's been a while since I was clipped into pedals... Lol. I'm getting a trainer again, have been swimming and I'm thinking of doing a bit of running. I've met some really cool, new friends in the community and I'm finally getting to know the city and the area I live in after being here for over 6 years. Nothing or no one is holding me back from exploring anymore and it's a great side effect to this whole new life. As a matter of fact, I'm being encouraged to get out and live more and have fun more and be happy.

I'd like to thank Pax, who on many occasions, pieced me back together online. She has a unique view on life and how to heal and all of the steps needed and I wouldn't have gotten through this part nearly as well without her. I would also like to thank crazycanuck's partner. He was wonderful to talk to. Ian was instrumental in me seeing that I wasn't doing anything wrong but that it was time to just walk away and separate things in my heart and mind and really kicked me in the pants one late night when I really needed it. He made me think in a different direction and stop blaming myself and get proactive. I am eternally grateful for that guy. There have been a few others on here who reached out and know how this feels and let me know that things will get better, like Trek420. I appreciate the well wishes and good vibes. Most of all, I'd like to thank chickwhorips. She has been invaluable to my sanity and self worth through all of this. I really love that girl. :cool: :cool: She and I have helped each other through heartaches and trials and it's so good to know that she is my friend through thick and thin. And I am hers. Thank you, Amber.

Time to move on the rest of the way now. I've got new energy, a new outlook, (new furniture, Lol) and some new (and old) friends to spend time with. And, mostly, I have me. And I realized that it's okay to like myself just the way I am and that I did the best I could for someone. I loved deeply and paid it forward in every way a person can. And that's all I can do. Someday, I will find that right one who gets it. Is uplifted by the love and caring I have to give and understands that it is a team effort, not just a one way street. I've hopefully learned some valuable lessons about myself and will make better choices in the future. Can't guarantee that but... I'm a work in progress. What can I say? :o

So, now I'm off to find a trainer for my bike for the rainy months because I'm not giving this up again for anyone else. I love biking too much and I love bike porn waaaaay too much. ;)

Hope to see you all more on here and in person again. I miss the get togethers and chats.

VeganBikeChick

11-21-2013, 07:04 AM

Wow, xrayted. I'm sorry for the challenge life has brought you lately, but what a great, positive outlook you have! I wish I had an ounce of your resilience. I went through a hard breakup myself about 6 months ago and am still picking up the pieces. Your post gives me faith that there is a way out. Good for you for discovering yourself and not feeling that you need someone there to keep you compnay!

Hugs to you, and keep on keepin' on.

Pax

11-21-2013, 10:45 AM

Hiya X!! So glad to see you back here!

OakLeaf

11-21-2013, 01:10 PM

Hey, XRayted. Glad things are finally looking up for you.

crazycanuckoz

11-21-2013, 07:17 PM

Yo...X! Nice to see ye round again. Happy that my man was able to give some sort of guidance :). I can't wait to see him, it's been a long uni semester :(.

One more paper to finish, 32k run to do & then...WEEEEEWEEEEWEEEE..off n away soon to Japan/US/etc. I thought the Marathon would be in cold weather but apparently not..it's forecasted to be 12c..! Normal shorts & t-shirt weather!

If any of you would like to do coffeeeeeee or lunch w us as we venture from LA-Chicago, do let us know. I know we'll be in Arizona, New Mexico, Texas & Florida but other than that..it's called " wait til we get to LA, flip a coin & go somewhere"...

Back to throwing thoughts around onto paper.

Xrayted

11-21-2013, 08:10 PM

That's the way to do it, CC. I drove across with a map and a final destination and everything in between was totally unknown until I got there. I would advise a southern route though at that time of year.

Hey Pax!!! Glad to be back. :D

marni

11-22-2013, 03:30 PM

welcome back- we all know or shou7ld know that our bikes are our best therapy.

chickwhorips

11-22-2013, 07:14 PM

X I'm glad life is looking up! I <3 you! Keep your chin up.

Though CC! No trip in the Northern half of the world! Lame-o!!!

skhill

12-08-2013, 11:18 AM

Dear fellow parishoners,

No, I didn't bike to church in the sleet and freezing rain today, I walked. And why are y'all acting so appalled? What would be crazy in these conditions would be to drive, when it's less than 25 minutes on foot. It's not that cold, and I have excellent boots.

And how about some of you younger folks coming outside to help with clearing the sidewalks? Didn't you see a middle-aged woman in a skirt out there wielding a shovel, along with the paid security guy? We had a 3rd shovel and a heck of a lot of sidewalk covered with ice to deal with.

spokewench

12-09-2013, 08:09 AM

skhill: I notice in our neighborhood that kids never shovel. I remember as a kid being the first one out there to shovel. My parents always depended on us kids to pitch in with chores.

I am usually the only woman on the street shoveling except those women that do not have a male partner; and the children never peak their noses out the door in the morning to help shovel. Such a weird dynamic these days.

skhill

12-10-2013, 09:57 AM

We lived on a corner when I was growing up, so there was plenty of sidewalk for me and my brother to tend to. Thankfully, this is Kentucky so it only happens a few times every year! These days at home I do my little patch of sidewalk, then the vacant lot next door, then on to the neighbor on the other side. She's a fit 70+, but still doesn't really need to be out there clearing snow. There are some tweens in the neighborhood who do shovel, and will be happy to do your sidewalk for a ridiculous fee!

Xrayted

12-12-2013, 11:48 AM

Dear Ex

Thank you for being decent and letting us get past this part in a positive way. Hopefully we can move on after this and be friends or at least wish the other well. Which I do. :)

Sky King

12-17-2013, 05:31 AM

OakLeaf

12-17-2013, 09:21 AM

(((((Sky))))) What a beautiful tribute. I'm so sorry for your loss.

IBrakeforPastry

12-18-2013, 12:49 PM

Dear Mom and Dad,
I hope you are enjoying being reunited - pretty brazen of me to assume your spirits are now reconnected but that is what I feel in my bones.

Dear Dad,

I am so happy you are now off on a new adventure. The last few years must have been a bit taxing but perhaps the reason for them had more to do with your children's journey and not your own. Thanks for teaching me to be kind, to be patient and to show unconditioned love. Miss you but your smile is forever in my heart.

Sky King: My condolences on your loss. I know it wasn't unexpected, but this post, and your earlier one were so beautiful and poignant, they really bring tears to my eyes.
I'm sure your parents are enjoying a reunion dance together. Take care of yourself.

Xrayted

12-25-2013, 10:02 PM

Dear friend. Thank you for the invite to join you and your friends in HI in a few weeks. I'm glad I had the smarts to finally give in and say yes. I can't wait. It has given me something really fun to look forward to. I haven't had that in quite a long time. :D

Blueberry

01-07-2014, 08:37 AM

(Venting here since it's petty and not worth yelling about in real life)

Dear DH:

I get that you are trying to be helpful and take care of my computer - I do, and I appreciate it. However, you waited until the last 2 days before I am back in class to do this. You keep taking over my desk space and my computer while I'm trying to get what I need to do done. Right now, I need to print a shipping label which I absolutely cannot do from my iPad (in time to get things to the post office). You did the same thing last night when I was getting ready to ride the trainer (my computer is right next to the trainer), thus ensuring that I would not be able to workout (but you did workout - while I cooked your dinner - which we ate at 10PM because of your subsequent 45 minute shower). Your "just a minute" translates (to the rest of the world) as "I have no idea when I'll be done." It can be anywhere from 30 minutes to 4+ hours (I've been waiting on that shipping label for 30 mintues now).

Signed,

Too much to do and too much cabin fever

Xrayted

01-08-2014, 06:45 PM

Dear special friend who has been just incredible to me. I just don't know what to say. You've joined me in a friendship, invited me to Hawaii and now have rocked my world in ways I thought were long gone by asking me to be a more intimate part of your life. I'm just smiling all over. I hope this feeling lasts because it's wonderful. :cool::D

snapdragen

01-09-2014, 06:12 PM

Sounds lovely X! :D

azfiddle

01-13-2014, 01:58 PM

Dear Policeman-

Did you really have to write us a ticket for $197 because the bike rack was placed in front of our license plate? Didn't you even consider a warning or fix-it ticket?

Owlie

01-13-2014, 04:58 PM

Dear Policeman-

Did you really have to write us a ticket for $197 because the bike rack was placed in front of our license plate? Didn't you even consider a warning or fix-it ticket?

I saw your other thread. I think it's a matter of not having anything better to do because there are fewer of the underage drinkers around...

azfiddle

01-15-2014, 07:09 AM

Owlie- I completely agree!

Xrayted

01-24-2014, 09:12 AM

Dear special friend... I'm still floating on the memories of HI and all of the fun we had there. Thank you for that much needed break and all of the adventures we found there. I can't wait to go back with you.

I know you want to take our lives together to the next level, and I do as well, but I'm still working on me in many ways, finding my ground and repairing the programming I was under for many years. I'm still working on the whole "it must be my fault because you make me feel like it is everyday with your comments and your neediness and fragile ways" thing. I started to recognize it when I was away from and then exposed to my Ex over the past few months. I'm making great strides in calming that old programming and being my happy/confident self again, the way I was before all of that was installed into my brain like a computer virus. You are a fantastic person and I want to get to know you much more and be a part of your life for a long time. But, I just need to get project Xrayted in a more complete phase so I can really give my all, because you/we deserve that. You are one of the most free, crazy, intelligent, funny, generous, loving, grounded, independent women I have ever met and that is the ultimate of sexy to me. You aren't here to save or complete me. That is my job. I will be a work in progress my whole life because that is what we are here for on this earth, to progress and learn and love others and love ourselves. I just need a bit more time to get myself to a point that I can walk into the role of your partner as an equal, as a strong woman who can give and receive, to need you but not be needy. The want is there, the desire is real, the love is blooming. The crack is in a state of repair but I'm getting closer to sealing it up. As we medical professionals know, an injury heals and is stronger than the parts around it and so I want this to heal correctly so I can be the strong woman in your life for when you need my shoulder, and to feel free to be the weak one occasion and yet be strong enough to be able to come to you when I need to. It's a delicate balance right now for me but we're talking and are learning to communicate on that level with each other... to confide, to listen, to speak our minds, to be corrected or guided in a slightly altered direction when we need it. We are on the right track.

Thank you for being a mature adult who is a kid at heart. :D

I love you too. <3

OakLeaf

01-24-2014, 09:28 AM

Awwwwwwww, X ... that just warms my heart. :)

Wishing you and your special friend the best of everything!!

chickwhorips

01-24-2014, 09:31 AM

Big Hugs X for everything that you've gone through!

You get stronger and stronger everyday. Don't doubt who you are and/or who you are becoming through this process. Whatever you do NEVER compromise yourself or your belief system for someone else.

<3

Dogmama

02-02-2014, 10:43 AM

Dear Audible.com,

Why I am so "special" that I don't qualify for your introductory offer - one free download and 30 day trial membership? I tried to go through your regular website and other discount websites - same thing. I don't want to pay for something & find out that transferring it to my Apple device will be a PIA. Bleech!

Pax

02-04-2014, 08:56 AM

Dear Universe,

Seriously??? Mom loses dad, has heart surgery, loses her ability to drive and her independence, ends up on dialysis, has a small stroke, contracts pneumonia this week in the hospital... and now they find Stage IV cancer in her sinuses. Anything else?!?!

Could you maybe let her have a little peace, please.

Signed,

Her Loving Daughter.

OakLeaf

02-04-2014, 10:32 AM

(((((((Pax and mom)))))))

spokewench

02-04-2014, 02:53 PM

Oh my god Pax! I'm speechless. I can't even imagine what you and your mom are going thru!

tulip

02-04-2014, 03:14 PM

Dear Bro--you really came through. Wow. Thank you.

snapdragen

02-04-2014, 07:18 PM

Oh Pax.... *big hug*

Wahine

02-04-2014, 10:30 PM

((((Pax)))). I had a run like that with my mom. It sucks. I hope things get better for you.

X - glad you're healing and moving on.

Pax

02-05-2014, 04:54 AM

Thanks for the kind words, all. This is such a rough road to travel.

Catrin

02-05-2014, 05:07 AM

{{{{{Pax and Mom}}}}}

roo4

02-05-2014, 08:24 AM

Pax, I'm sorry. I wish I could say something wise and comforting for you.

Pax

02-07-2014, 06:34 AM

Dear Mom,

I know you want to stay in this world a while longer, I'll support you in this as much as I can. And when you go I'll be there holding your hand.

I love you

lph

02-07-2014, 07:50 AM

Oh, I'm so sorry, Pax!

jobob

02-07-2014, 09:26 AM

+1 to what everyone else has said. It's very hard, please try to take care of yourself as well.

Howieduck

02-08-2014, 01:35 AM

Pax,
I was caring for my sister who was given a terminal cancer diagnosis. They said in August she had 3 hours left. She died 6 months and 1 day later holding my hand. ( on Thursday)
It was hard work and I really miss her but I was always going to be there with her.
Now the hard work really starts with her kids.

OakLeaf

02-08-2014, 09:33 AM

Oh, Howieduck, I'm so sorry for your loss.

You and Pax both take good care. Hugs to you.

Pax

02-08-2014, 11:32 AM

Oh Howieduck, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Howieduck

02-08-2014, 02:37 PM

Thanks. It is very raw at the moment. But I'm keeping busy sorting everything out.
Who would have thought there was so much to do!

salsabike

02-08-2014, 04:23 PM

Pax--I am so sorry.

Howieduck--I am so sorry, too.

MAN. Life is wondrous and life can be SO HARD. Yeesh. I wish you both as much good as possible, and some more as well.

azfiddle

02-10-2014, 05:54 PM

Pax and Howieduck,

Hope you both find the strength and solace you need to get through your hard times.

Hugs to both-
Sharon

Crankin

02-11-2014, 03:29 AM

Dear Self,
You have to get through the initial startup at work without a) getting pneumonia, B) exisiting on 4 hours of sleep a night C) ruining nordic ski vacation D) violating any HIPPA rules
And, why do my vacations always involve some sort of suffering?

roo4

02-14-2014, 04:59 AM

Dear Neighbor,

In the 10 years we have shared a driveway, you have never lifted a finger to help with the snow removal. Okay. We get it. Fine. In the 10 years we have shared a driveway, you have never learned how to drive in the snow. Again, if you are incapable of learning, fine. Your problem. However, do not make it OUR problem. This morning, I have a doctor's appointment at 9, followed by working at my job. Last night I shoveled a path to get my car out. This morning, I started the snow blower to get the rest of it out. Unfortunately, 2 of your 4 cars are blocking the drive. I cannot get around them. WTF?

kajero

02-15-2014, 10:21 AM

Pax and Howieduck,
All I can do is send my prayers at this time of your life. Please take care of yourselves.
Kathy

kajero

02-15-2014, 10:24 AM

Dear Neighbor,

In the 10 years we have shared a driveway, you have never lifted a finger to help with the snow removal.

I live an area where there are many twin homes. Many of them have shared driveways and I see this all the time! When I bought my half of the twin home, I made sure I didn't share a driveway. Even though I there were other things "made sure" would have counted, I am glad I at least followed the "no shared driveway" one. We get plenty of snow in the suburbs of Minneapolis. Not as much as out East now, but still plenty!

azfiddle

02-24-2014, 07:18 PM

Dear self: You knew better than to put a soda can next to your laptop especially since it's been months since you did a back-up. Ugh!

Pax

02-28-2014, 06:40 AM

Dear Powers That Be,

All I can say is it's about time! My beloved and I are headed off in an hour to get married, it only took 24 years! LOL

Signed,

So incredibly happy to be marrying the love of my life.

azfiddle

02-28-2014, 06:42 AM

Congratulations Pax

Sky King

02-28-2014, 06:48 AM

Sooooo happy for the both of you

dear powers that be,

all i can say is it's about time! My beloved and i are headed off in an hour to get married, it only took 24 years! Lol

signed,

so incredibly happy to be marrying the love of my life.

Crankin

02-28-2014, 07:16 AM

Mazel Tov

OakLeaf

02-28-2014, 07:39 AM

Congratulations Pax & honey!!!

Pax

02-28-2014, 09:43 AM

Done! We are officially married, the UU minister made it so meaningful, it was wonderful!

Catrin

02-28-2014, 10:25 AM

Done! We are officially married, the UU minister made it so meaningful, it was wonderful!

Congratulations to both of you!!!!!!

snapdragen

02-28-2014, 10:48 AM

Congratulations Pax! I'm so happy for you both.

spokewench

02-28-2014, 10:55 AM

Wonderful News Pax - congrats

lph

02-28-2014, 01:12 PM

That's wonderful! Congratulations Pax, I'm very happy for you :-)

maillotpois

02-28-2014, 02:42 PM

That is great news! Congratulations to you both!

salsabike

02-28-2014, 08:33 PM

Pax, that's the BEST. Congratulations!

ny biker

03-01-2014, 11:09 AM

Congratulations!!

Pax

03-01-2014, 11:19 AM

Neither of us wears any jewelry so our wedding rings keep taking us by surprise, we'll see them and grin really big and say "WIFE".

lph

03-01-2014, 12:22 PM

That is very cool :-D

OakLeaf

03-01-2014, 12:26 PM

Awwwwww. I'm so happy for you both!

Catrin

03-01-2014, 01:00 PM

Neither of us wears any jewelry so our wedding rings keep taking us by surprise, we'll see them and grin really big and say "WIFE".

I wasn't going to get this personal, but this brought tears to my eyes! I am SO happy for the both of you! Also proud of you that the two of you were able to love and believe in each other & look at the outcome! I've spent the last 20 years single because I wasn't brave/bold/confident/<insert whatever> enough to follow my heart when I had the opportunity. It just makes my heart sing to see so many, both younger and older than I, be able to finally make the kind of commitment to each other that your hearts have longed for. Please forgive me if I am being overly sentimental, I don't usually say such things, but it is how I feel. Congratulations! Many Years! May you have many years to look back at this wonderful occasion and toast each other!

Pax

03-01-2014, 01:31 PM

Catrin, that was beautiful, thank you.

I hope you get the opportunity to share your heart with someone amazing, you are a wonderful woman.

emily_in_nc

03-01-2014, 01:42 PM

Congratulations, Pax! I am happy for you and your WIFE. :D

So sorry to hear about all the health problems your mom is having, though. I'm just catching up on this thread after being gone for awhile.

marni

03-01-2014, 03:43 PM

Yay for you two and yay for the light of wisdom slowly dawn ing. Each dawn mkes the night a little less dark.

snapdragen

03-02-2014, 10:25 AM

Neither of us wears any jewelry so our wedding rings keep taking us by surprise, we'll see them and grin really big and say "WIFE".

So cool. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Pax

03-02-2014, 11:25 AM

It's rare that I post pics, but thought you gals might like this one, this is "I Do"; me on the left. I just love her so much!!!

http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb217/Deepliquid/image_zps7ace79ea.jpg (http://s209.photobucket.com/user/Deepliquid/media/image_zps7ace79ea.jpg.html)

Catrin

03-02-2014, 11:35 AM

Awwwwwww, so sweet! Thanks for the picture, now I've an image to go with your name :) The two of you make such a lovely couple!

Pax

03-02-2014, 11:38 AM

Thanks, Catrin! I'm 5'10" and she's just a hair over 5', friends tease us about being Mutt & Jeff, but we're okay with it. :D

skhill

03-02-2014, 12:26 PM

Congratulations, Pax!

BikeDutchess

03-02-2014, 01:00 PM

Congratulations! Great picture, that just made me smile!

OakLeaf

03-02-2014, 01:23 PM

You look so happy together. :)

Fredwina

03-02-2014, 01:37 PM

Congrats, Mut and Jeff!

ny biker

03-02-2014, 02:59 PM

Beautiful picture!! Thanks for posting it. Wishing you many years of married happiness!!!

roo4

03-02-2014, 05:23 PM

Beautiful! Congratulations. :)

Xrayted

03-02-2014, 06:35 PM

Congrats!!! You two are so cute. Newlyweds.... :cool::D

brigada

03-03-2014, 05:11 AM

Pax, that is amazing. :)
Congratulations! I hope I'll be here making a post like yours someday :')

Pax

03-03-2014, 05:36 AM

We woke up this morning grinning from ear to ear! Now we're both at work and our coworkers are being so fun, I feel like a very young woman again!! :D

Irulan

03-09-2014, 05:00 PM

Me three on congrats, beautiful picture....

SheFly

03-10-2014, 05:53 AM

Congrats to you both, and thanks for sharing the pic! Revel in your newlywed status for awhile (or ever, as the case may be).

SheFly

Veronica

03-10-2014, 06:07 AM

What a lovely picture. You look like you're in love, the deep, real kind of love. It's beautiful when you see it. Congratulations.

Veronica

Pax

03-11-2014, 03:40 AM

It's been a couple of weeks of the highest high and now the lowest low. My mom passed away a little while ago. I loved her so much and will miss her always.

SheFly

03-11-2014, 04:24 AM

Oh, Pax! I'm so sorry to read about your mom. I am glad that she got to see you so happy, though. Hold your good memories close, and may they provide you some comfort in the days ahead.

Hugs.
SheFly

OakLeaf

03-11-2014, 04:51 AM

Oh Pax, I'm so, so sorry.

snapdragen

03-11-2014, 06:36 AM

My condolences Pax, sending hugs your way.

Catrin

03-11-2014, 07:33 AM

It's been a couple of weeks of the highest high and now the lowest low. My mom passed away a little while ago. I loved her so much and will miss her always.

Oh Pax, I am so sorry to read this. Sending you hugs and condolences.

ny biker

03-11-2014, 09:15 AM

I'm so sorry Pax.

Pax

03-11-2014, 10:30 AM

Thank you, everyone. I think I'm just kind of numb now. Once I get past the funeral on Thursday I'll take some time to breathe. She has needed me so intensely the last six years I'm not sure how to be without her.

salsabike

03-11-2014, 11:23 AM

Oh, Pax! I'm so sorry to read about your mom. I am glad that she got to see you so happy, though. Hold your good memories close, and may they provide you some comfort in the days ahead.

Hugs.
SheFly

I couldn't have said this any better than SheFly just did. Me too, Pax.

Fredwina

03-11-2014, 12:24 PM

Just when you had the high.. I'm sorry Pax.

BikeDutchess

03-11-2014, 01:29 PM

So sorry for your loss, Pax.

roo4

03-11-2014, 03:48 PM

Pax, I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

Crankin

03-12-2014, 03:31 AM

I am sorry Pax. I felt numb when my mom died, even though she was very ill for a long time and I definitely prepared myself. I remember being in the grocery store and feeling numb. But, after the funeral, that went away. I guess that's why we have funerals. People thought I was "cold," because I wasn't hysterical and I went right back to work, but that's what my mom would have wanted. I guess what I 'm trying to say, is that everyone is different in this situation.

emily_in_nc

03-12-2014, 08:28 PM

So sorry Pax. You have definitely been on an emotional rollercoaster lately, both the highs and the lows. I'm happy for you in that you have your dear, new wife to help and support you through this very difficult time. But your loss is great, and you will need to take your time to grieve. It took me a long, long time to feel normal after losing my dad. I am so dreading going through it again when my mom passes one day.

Sky King

04-02-2014, 07:20 AM

Seriously frustrated with our internet and phone. Of course given the lack of competition in both areas nobody really cares that half of my phone calls get dropped and the other half have such bad connection you can't hear. Dread the thought of more costs but we may have to consider the antique land line... The classic customer response seems to be "it sucks to be you"

OakLeaf

04-02-2014, 08:04 AM

Hahahahahaha ... when I started reading your post I was thinking the same thing and how we were thinking I wish cellular internet was less expensive so we could drop the DSL!! If you're out in the sticks like we are, landline internet is pretty much guaranteed to be way slow.

Even the fact that 4G is way quicker ought to give you an indication of the speeds we get with rural DSL ...

Fredwina

04-02-2014, 10:10 AM

I know. Just managed a week with a 3G modem that had a 2gb monthly limit. now have cable, since I couldn't get DSL where I'm now living. The furniture and bike arrives tomorrow - still hoping I made the right move, but having mom 6 floors down makes a world of difference in my mind.

Helene2013

04-02-2014, 10:19 AM

I hear you on this....although we have excellent internet at home, our cell phone is crappy. We have no land-line anymore as we each have our cell phone but still we can't really talk everywhere in the house as the signal is too weak in some area. Viva living rural....although we are called a city.

By the way was listening to a short video last night and it is Food for thought!

A short clip from a family who decided to live "differently" for a year.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/life-video/video-this-family-committed-to-living-a-entire-year-like-its-1980/article17754098/#dashboard/follows/

Morgan Patey and Blair McMillan have committed to living an entire year like it's 1986 to help them unplug and spend time with their kids

Would you go back to living for a year as if we were in 1986? Which means very basic electronics, etc...

I know I could not. I could try a week (not counting work). But ipads, netflix, etc are so into our lives (for most of us) that we forget sometimes how to do things differently.

Pax

04-02-2014, 10:33 AM

We are getting closer and closer to the 80's. neither of us likes technology very much and while it's handy at times, it has become a huge time suck. We no longer have cable or internet at home, if we need to check on something we still have iPhones for a few more months, once we get through my moms estate stuff we're going to pay the penalty and ditch the smart phones and go back to cheapie flip phones.

I know part of it for me was being on-call 24-7 with my mom for over six years, now that my time is my own again I keep my phone shut off much of the time; the feeling of being unavailable is priceless. It is taking time for my friends to learn to contact me in advance if they want to do something since I may not check my phone for hours (if at all) that day.

Helene2013

04-02-2014, 10:52 AM

Sometimes I wished we could disconnect from today's reality. Technology is great. No doubt about it. If it was not for internet, I would never have found some great discussion boards and met in person dozens and dozens of people across Canada and USA and made true valuable friendship.

But like you say Pax it is taking precious time away for things we could do.

Yesterday at lunch time, we had a work lunch and learn and it was on ergonomy at work, but a huge part was how our bodies are changing, no thanks though, to the technology. We are no longer looking ahead but down (putting pressure on our muscles who are not used/made to be in x position). The arrival of laptops and then tablets, iPhones (and the likes) are not good on our bodies. Long-term issues are to be found if we do not sit properly, move more (being a bike forum we know we move enough - or at least more than rest of population hihi). But it is a huge eye-opener on why we are going through some physical/mental issues and children even worst. Life is in the fast lane...but not necessarily the right one. At least too often.

I read an article 2 days ago where in the very near future (at least for Canada) that you won't be able to find a flip phone. Only those "intelligent" phones will become available. Just like CD/DVD/blue rays' are bound to be discontinued at home, vehicules, etc. So I would not ditch my iphone too quickly!!! Maybe just get a basic service. No need to put the internet on it. I have a basic phone (hubby has the iphone) and I don't need an iphone. I have a $10/month fee and charged by the minute but mine is rarely used. I keep accumulating those $$ as they are pushed month to month. What can be soooo urgent (in my life anyway) that I need to be reached 24/7/365. They can wait until I get home. We did not have cell phones when I was younger (ishhhh that makes me feel old) and no internet and we made it. And we had peace in the evening. Had time to enjoy other things: play monopoly or battleship.... or cuddle more with boyfriend. haha So yep...I think I could slow down on technology. Now....convincing hubby is another thing.

Pax

04-02-2014, 11:06 AM

We'll go with Consumer Cellular, they used to be the old folks cell phone company so they have flip phones, but have recently added smart phones to their line up.

Totally hear about about ergonomics as well, our laptop died a few months ago and in that same effort to have "less" we replaced it with a tablet. After owning/using it for about a week I developed an endless stiff neck and cramping left shoulder; finally figured out it was holding the tablet! Now I use it on a stand on the counter on the rare occasions I need to use it.

I see the students here on campus always looking down at their phones, I wonder if their generation is going to suffer long term neck damage?

Sky King

04-03-2014, 06:08 AM

We switched from the local phone company internet service to our cable company internet service to try to improve our cell phones - we are positioned at the bottom of the broadcast from the closest cell phone tower and have a concrete wall to contend with... I also installed an "extender/expander" that is supposed to act as a mini cell phone tower in our house but the DH's new phone seems to want to override that and try to stay on 4G instead of the 3g offered by the mini tower - what a cluster. The cable company internet will just suddenly stop - I know it is the company service and not something in our system (from facebook comments :) ) ugh. Yes technology rules. Very embarrassing when someone calls our toll free number and the connection is so bad we can't talk. Makes me long for the days of the At&t fight decades ago.

Irulan

04-04-2014, 06:18 AM

Sky king, we keep TWO land line for our businesses - one for me, one for DH. The cell coverage here at the house is terrible. We only recently got rid of the fax,line and went to E-faxing. DH has one client who insists on faxing lab reports. For rural, satellite internet is really big around here but it's not terribly reliable or fast.

When we were house hinting two years ago, almost very house we liked was on satellite, which was a deal breaker. DH needs reliable high speed internet for his work.

Pax

04-14-2014, 10:03 AM

Dear Condo owner,

You seriously thought adding something like "There is evidence of physical settling but the HOA pumped the foundationto prevent any further issues, inspections welcome." to the listing AFTER it's been on the market for six months is okay??

We'll still take a look when we're down in FL in a couple of weeks, but that was a HUGE red flag for us.

Sincerely,

Very cautious condo buyers

Catrin

04-17-2014, 07:08 PM

Dear Sister - I love you, but why did you marry some guy you've known for 2 months and are totally ignoring your own daughter who is having her first marriage in two weeks? Couldn't you have waited a couple of weeks so you could be with your daughter? Also, you let him move in his son, girlfriend, two babies, two dogs and goats. You are acting totally unlike yourself and what is up with that? Also why did I have to almost make you tell me that there was this entire menagerie in your little house? I am trying to withhold judgement until I finally meet this man, but something smells very wrong. Hopefully that is just my protective instincts coming out since I've not yet met the man.

Love,
Your concerned oldest sister.

Crankin

04-18-2014, 02:41 AM

Something indeed sounds wrong, Catrin.

brigada

04-18-2014, 03:31 AM

very wrong. she may be undergoing a crisis of some sort, but if she hasn't acted out like this before, I'd consult a psychologist first and foremost. if she's in a disturbed mental state, you can't expect the kind of answers you want from her :/

OakLeaf

04-18-2014, 04:10 AM

Oh, Catrin, that doesn't sound right at all. So hard to let go when it's a sibling. Are you close to your niece?

Catrin

04-18-2014, 05:42 AM

The rest of the story is our mom died in September, and the sister in question and her were tied at the hip in a very dysfunctional relationship for many years. My sister's personality has always been on the rigid side and very controlled. Our mom was, I will just say that she was ill and leave it at that. So she met this guy on a Christian dating site a couple of months after Mom passed, and while I don't care WHERE she met him, things went very fast. I mean the happiest married couple I know started out as a mail order bride advertisement from eastern Europe 30+ years ago! THEY took much longer to tie the knot however, they took time with each other.

So I am hearing from both niece and my baby sister. My youngest sister is flying out to help my niece with her wedding, I wish that I could afford to do that but it is good that one of her aunts is with her. My youngest sister, who has a hot temper, has already gone off on the sister in question and told her exactly what she thinks of the marriage and of her treatment of her daughter. I am trying very hard not to do that as it isn't productive, and I've not actually met anyone yet. So, as of now, I will be staying with my sister and her menagerie and new family for two nights. I want to go into the situation with as open a mind as possible. I was the rebellious/trouble-maker/self-destructive one back in the day and I know how easy it can be for the wrong type of person to take advantage of someone when that person is vulnerable - which is what I am concerned has happened to her. Back in the day I had an invisible sign on my back that said "all sociopaths apply here", so I know how things can go.

I will be traveling down in two weeks, and having lunch with my niece and other sister before I see her and meet this new family. I want to be able to look at the situation objectively - it may simply be that this quirky man she has married really IS the right guy for her, but I've concerns. Not that I can do anything about them.

Thanks for the thoughtful responses, and if anyone has dealt with something like this, or helpful thoughts on how best to approach this situation when I go down there please don't hesitate to let me know - and messages are fine if you prefer.

Crankin

04-18-2014, 08:59 AM

I really think, speaking with my professional hat on, that you are going in with the right attitude. While your *suspicions* may be right, there's nothing to be gained from rushing in and doing an "intervention," that might very well end up ruining your niece's wedding. You want to observe the whole situation in person. And although it may be just as you suspect, there may not be much you can do. If your sister was mentally incapacitated to the point of not being able to take care of herself (i.e. hygiene, daily tasks, safety) or there was a question of some kind of abuse in the home (to her, or to a child or elder), or substance abuse, you might be able to force the issue. However, people make poor choices like this all of the time and there's not really much you can do to stop it, except to tell the person how you feel, recommend therapy, and let her know that you are there for her. It sounds like she had issues before, that might not be easily solved, and if I were you, I would focus on making sure your niece has a nice wedding!
And, just to re-iterate something I've said before, I met my DH on 6/27, we moved in together on 8/1, got engaged on 8/28, and married on 12/8. Thirty four and a half years later, we're still married and happy. DH's family tried to tell him there was something evil about me, something so bad, that he would eventually find out, or I would leave him, because I was from a "high class" family. So, you never know.

Catrin

04-18-2014, 06:39 PM

Crankin - thanks for your thoughts on this, it is appreciated. I am really looking forward to seeing my niece get married :) I've met her young man and I really like him!

Xrayted

05-04-2014, 09:26 PM

Dear So and So... You started out fantastic. You were funny and loving and silly. And then at some point, you just shifted into this other person. Totally different.

So, it didn't work out. I tried my best but there are things I just won't allow into my life again. Negativity and psychological mind **cking isn't allowed. Picking a fight every time I saw you and then blaming me for it isn't allowed. Making me feel bad and like I owe you something isn't allowed. Pushing me to move too quickly and then being offended when I say I'm not ready to move in with you after only 1.5 mo of dating isn't allowed. Being a total prick over every thing isn't allowed. Pushing my buttons daily and then telling me I have some kind of mental condition... not allowed. Then when I find out that my Mom's cancer came back,I fell apart and barely held it together enough to go to work and then you attacked my family and called them names... Really not **cking allowed. :mad:

I was going to dump you but you beat me to it when you felt like I wasn't paying enough attention to you and you texted me to take care of my family sh!t and then call you sometime... the day I found out the biopsy results that it is stage 4. I gladly walked away from you and your bull$h!t. I had a drink or three and was relieved. I tried to be decent to you in spite of the total change that came over you during that short relationship. I simply asked you to leave me alone. No texts, no calls, no emails... you kept bugging me. Over and over and over and over... So, I nicely asked your friends to talk to you. You got aggressive with them too and they walked. Some never to return. I put you on the block list for my phone. Yesterday, out of the blue, you emailed me again. You are now pushing your luck with my nice side. I've moved on and I'm happy. Get over it and move along. There is nothing here for you ever again. Respect that. There is no option on that.

Xrayted

05-04-2014, 09:50 PM

Dear So and So, congratulations for finally finding yourself and realizing that you are worthy and a decent person and you deserve real love and a tender relationship. You had a pretty rocky time of it over the years. Losing Dad at a young age, getting killed yourself only few years after that (and brought back), then losing THE ONE that made you look at life with new eyes - to a drunk driver, to crawling back into your hole thinking you must have deserved that somehow and just taking what came and settling for way too long, to meeting someone who mentored you and made you realize that you are okay the way you were born, to falling for the wrong one on so many levels but still trying to make it work in spite of knowing better, to getting your heart ripped out so viciously by that person, to almost finding yourself but then getting sidetracked by someone who turned out to be a negative vortex, to NOW. To putting your foot down and saying... no more. I deserve better and I won't settle for less, I deserve to be loved, to love someone fully without reservation or regret or the threat of hurt...because you just figured out that only you can hurt you. And you choose instead to nurture and love yourself no matter what. So here we are, us, we... me. Just me. Figuring out that "just me" is perfectly okay just the way I am. I can't wait to see what happens from here. The hopeless romantic in me will make more mistakes and the intelligent introspective adult will learn from those mistakes and keep evolving. Because, I'm a work in progress and I'm bound to just keep getting better and better. :cool:

OakLeaf

05-05-2014, 04:53 AM

Aw, X, I'm so sorry that the person who seemed so promising at first turned so sour for you. :( That stinks. Good for you for taking care of yourself, though. Wishing you all happiness, and that it comes to you very soon.

emily_in_nc

05-05-2014, 12:40 PM

And take out a restraining order if he harasses or stalks you. Be careful -- he sounds volatile.

Catrin

05-05-2014, 04:39 PM

X - be cautious!!!!

My trip home to my nieces wedding was very nice. Very simple backyard wedding, and our wine glasses the night before the wedding were mason jars :D

I am no longer concerned about my sister's husband. He is a good old country boy who isn't quite right - but that doesn't make him dangerous. Some would probably say that about me ;) I do think he "enhanced" the nature of his previous employment to impress my sister and is now stuck, not knowing how to own up to it as things moved so quickly. Wouldn't be the first time that's happened in the world of relationships. From his perspective he is in heaven as he WAS living in a camper on the side of a mountain with intermittent electricity.

I AM concerned about my sister, her behavior is very concerning. I don't really think he is the cause of that, neither does our other sister now we've had a chance to observe things for a few days. Nothing we can do about this however but to be supportive and see what happens. If I could have gotten her alone for a talk I might have asked about some of the strangeness, but that proved impossible and might have been for the best. Things are as they are, and there is nothing I can really do about it. She appears to be happy, regardless of her unusual behavior, and is once again in a situation where she must take care of someone with multiple health problems. That seems to be her comfort zone after taking care of our mom for so many years. It is what it is.

Crankin

05-06-2014, 02:14 AM

Catrin

05-06-2014, 03:31 AM

Repetition compulsion. It's hard not be compelled to repeat the same patterns of behavior over and over, usually in relation to being the "rescuer" of someone who is struggling, or has some kind of emotional/physical health issues. Sometimes, jokingly named the "bad boy" syndrome. Like, when someone can't stay away from bad boy types.
Common in trauma survivors.

Thanks Crankin, I've been thinking the same thing - I had some personal experience with this back in the day (I liked the bad boys). The man is missing a foot and has had several organs transplanted, and she is a nurse, so 6 months after our mom passed she is back in the "care giver" mode. She does appear very happy with everything so I am not about to rain on her parade without being asked/without evidence of abuse.

Xrayted

05-07-2014, 08:18 AM

Thanks for your concern. :) She has serious mental issues that she needs to address. The mental games she played with me after the first few weeks was just unbelievable. After talking to a counselor and friends, I came to my senses and realized that she was really messing with me. The fact that she dumped me on the day my Mom's biopsy results came back because I couldn't give her my full attention, just reassures me that I made the right decision to walk away. She just happened to say it first. I'm okay and I have plenty of support here and outside of the area. Thanks.

As for your sister, she's a big girl. You can't show her a path that she isn't prepared to take yet. And what makes you think she isn't happy just because she took on a responsibility for another human being that you maybe wouldn't have? The nurse in her says this is right, the woman in her told her this is right, the human in her told her this is right. It may be right "right now" or "forever". No way to know. She is getting something out of it. He is too. As long as both agree that it works, just allow them to be happy. Not everyone who lives the way he was is a bad person. Most aren't. They just have had no one to be there when they needed it the most. I think whatever this guy went through, he still kept a roof over his head and in doing so, also kept a bit of his dignity. Allow him the rest and the bounce back now by giving him a bit of respect and encouragement. Don't look down on him, help raise him up. You seem to be on this path in your heart, now turn it into action. There are tons of people out there who just need someone to believe in them again and they will soar. :cool:

Catrin

05-07-2014, 03:23 PM

Agreed Xrayted - and that is what I was actually trying to say. I was far more concerned about HIM before I actually met the man. Time will tell, but I am no longer concerned about him at this point. Everyone was concerned about him taking advantage of her, but I don't THINK that is what is happening. I am more concerned about her uncharacteristic behavior that has everyone scratching their heads, but she has had major changes in the past 6 months. She has chosen her path, and I hope that she has finally found a good path for her, she has had two horrible marriages. I don't live close, so I am not around from day to day.

emily_in_nc

05-07-2014, 06:24 PM

Thanks for your concern. :) She has serious mental issues that she needs to address.

Ooops, sorry -- I assumed "he" and may have missed your saying "she" in your post. Not that it matters, though I tend to think obsessive and/or mentally unstable men are a bit more likely to get violent/dangerous than obsessive women. Maybe just a stereotype, though!

Xrayted

05-07-2014, 11:22 PM

Emily, there is no apology needed. I'm not offended. There is no reason to be. But I do agree, that men do tend to get the reputation of being more violent than women. I think because women go for the kill on emotions rather than physically. That can last much longer and be a much deeper pain in many ways. I've seen men destroyed forever by one bad woman in their lives over and over. I always wonder why people treat each other like that instead of just leaving and saying goodbye. ???

Xrayted

06-17-2014, 08:44 AM

Okay, it's time to move forward and try to do what I actually moved to the PNW to do, live my life as I choose. Not dependent on anyone else's agenda or needs. Just mine for once. So.... I just applied at a Seattle area hospital for a job. I really like the UW system and it fits the type of place I've already been at for the last 7 years.
They even have the same retirement and I can add them together to keep building my current one. I really hope this happens. I really, really, really, really hope this happens. It's about time I get to live where I really wanted to for so long. I held back so that my ex could finish her own things. I've pieced my life back together after the devastation she left in her wake. She was thorough in her devastation but I can figure anything out and make it happen if I just put my mind to it. It's what I'm known for, the creative path to make it work.

Here I go... time to restart my life and take it in the direction that I want. As much as I give to others and help others, I've finally graduated to the place inside that says it's okay to give to and help me now. :cool:

brigada

06-17-2014, 03:25 PM

Sounds like we're in the same position at the moment. I really hope the worst is past you now and that good things await on all fronts :)
Good luck with that job!

snapdragen

06-18-2014, 07:35 AM

Good luck X! Hope you get the job, finger crossed.

Xrayted

07-02-2014, 10:05 PM

Going to apply at a couple of more places in Seattle tonight. If any of you Seattle ladies like a particular hospital, let me know. I don't want just any place, I want a friendly, fun and happy place to work. That's what we've created where I currently work and I hate to walk into a nasty situation. Thanks for the well wishes. I'm in Seattle about every other weekend if someone wants to hit the Burke/Gilman trail or anything. My bike has gotten the itch to hit the road again after some years and I'm going to scratch that itch. :D

VeganBikeChick

07-03-2014, 12:11 AM

I loved working at Swedish before it was taken over by Providence. Honestly couldn't tell you how it is now. Seattle Children's will always be my number 1. They treat their employees like gold. Good luck in your search.

Xrayted

07-03-2014, 09:52 PM

Thanks. I just saw that they have a full time job open at Children's but it's evening shift. I've been on evening shift for years but was hoping to go to dayshift with the move. Decisions, decisions. Knotted Yet and Trek said they heard good things about Children's as well, like they give you a free bike to get to work and maintain it and everything. I'm all for that. I think I'll sleep on it and see how I feel in the a.m. about the shift. It's not bad, just... was looking to be a dayshifter again after all of these years. But openings will come up to move shifts so, it's definitely on my radar for an application.

VeganBikeChick

07-04-2014, 02:20 AM

Yep, they give you a bike. And pay you not to drive to work. And did I mention there's 3 Starbucks in the hospital? One's open 24 hours! I bet you could get moved to days in a reasonable time frame. Doesn't hurt to apply.

lph

07-06-2014, 02:07 AM

Dear marketing people,
ya know, it would be really nice if you could just sell gear that fits women, or short people, without all the excessive gender marketing. I mean, imagine the reaction if guys went to buy, say, a sprayskirt for kayaking. And all of them were sized for women and called gender neutral things like "Ocean Spray". And over in a corner they found ONE sized for a taller person, called, oh, I dunno, "Apollo". Or if lucky they'd maybe find men's specific versions, called "Ocean Spray Macho ". Sounds pretty ridiculous, right? But that is exactly what we get all the time. I can buy the "Athena " or I can buy the "Ocean Trek Flirt ". And I'm so used to it that I'm just thankful I can even find something that fits...

Xrayted

07-06-2014, 10:50 PM

Yeah, I like working with kids so I applied to Seattle Children's Hosp. Now I wait... Ugh. :o

VeganBikeChick

07-07-2014, 02:19 AM

Good Luck! Let us know how it turns out.

snapdragen

07-07-2014, 04:59 PM

Fingers crossed!

Catrin

07-07-2014, 05:28 PM

Everything crossed for you!

Sky King

07-08-2014, 05:40 AM

Helene2013

07-08-2014, 05:50 AM

same here. Our cell phone is our home phone. And I hate when it buzzed before I fall asleep for junk emails (like my phone company sending an SMS to tell me my monthly refill is coming up, then another one to tell me it has been approved!). I called them up and told them to send those during the day as I can't ban them and even "vibe" is annoying. I don't want to turn it off in case of emergencies (for me). I don't expect any E calls so I would not mind. But if I need to call in 911, I want my phone on! But some just don't get it that people have a life and are trying to get that beauty sleep.

BikeDutchess

07-08-2014, 06:04 AM

I agree! I'm glad my phone has a Do Not Disturb setting that I use at night. You can program it so only calls/texts from certain people will buzz through (other texts will be silent and calls go to voice mail). I love it because I get a lot of bogus "Someone tried to access your Facebook account" texts at all hours.

OakLeaf

07-08-2014, 06:18 AM

Mostly when I get those it's from my friend who takes Ambien because it's the only way he can sleep after a major shoulder injury. :( Trouble is, he's not always asleep when he thinks he is ...

Helene2013

07-08-2014, 06:33 AM

My phone is not THAT hi-tech yet so I do not have the "certain" people rings options. Waiting for husband's iphone contract to end so I can snatch his up when he gets the new model next winter. :D I don't use my phone very much, in fact, it is an E phone only.

The iPhone is the main phone but stays on kitchen counter during the night so we would not really hear it (hubby does not want to forget it when he goes to work). Hubby wants a phone on my bedtable in case something urgent comes up, and in case he needs to call me between the time he leaves for work and the time I get up and leave for work (my cell follows me too, in case).

Catrin

07-08-2014, 08:48 AM

I saw the oddest thing yesterday when walking into the building where I work. It is the seat of city-county government so it is a large building, 25 floors in the central tower. I mention this because we see a lot of people of all types coming in and out.

I walked in behind a woman yesterday who obviously worked here. I don't know what drew my attention to her first, perhaps her body language or clothing (she seemed to be dressed in an older style, but appeared my age), but I was watching her as she went through the revolving door at the entrance. She pushed through it with her shoulder, not with her hand. I remember wondering why she just didn't use the handicapped entrance if she had a problem pushing the door. She showed her work ID to our security staff and I followed her through to the elevators. She pushed the gate with her hip, and then used her car key to call the elevator. We got on the same elevator, and I noted the she used that same key to push her floor button.

The only thing I can think of is that she doesn't want to touch surfaces that other people touch. I don't KNOW that is what is going on with her, perhaps she is returning to work after a lengthy illness, or some treatment that has compromised her immune system, I don't know. For some reason my thoughts keep going back to her, though it really isn't any of my business. It just goes to show that we never know what other people are dealing with that we meet in our daily lives.

Owlie

07-08-2014, 06:07 PM

Dear university rent-a-cop--

17 in a 15? Really? My speedometer isn't even that accurate.
I'm also pretty sure that the only reason you decided to pick on me is the fact that I was driving one of the few cars around with front and rear plates. :mad:
At least it's only a warning. Geez.

emily_in_nc

07-08-2014, 07:22 PM

Catrin - my DH is that way and to some extent I am. Very likely she is a germaphobe. There are a lot of us out there. I avoid touching elevator buttons and such like that if I can. If not, I have hand sanitizer in my purse (and bike bag!) I never used to be so OCD about stuff like that, but the proof is in the pudding; I almost NEVER catch a cold. :)

Crankin

07-09-2014, 03:15 AM

When the first swine flu hit, in 2009, I became like that. It lasted about 3 months. Basically, way too tiring for me. I've never been concerned with germs, let my kids play in the dirt, etc.
And I never get "colds," only my regular, allergy based sinus/bronchial stuff 2x a year, always at the same time.

Jolt

07-09-2014, 04:35 AM

Call me old, but texting over phoning me after 10pm for non emergency stuff is inconsiderate. I keep my phone on "just in case" because I don't have a land line but am amazed at people who
think nothing of texting or leaving voice mail messages at a late night hour. I have taken to leaving it on vibrate and in the other room.

I even mentioned it to someone who called me at 11:30 the other night and she said "oh was it to late" hmmmmm how am I supposed to get my beauty sleep :)

I don't think that makes you "old"...that bugs me too! Short of an emergency (and given this, it always scares the heck out of me when somebody calls so late), there is no good reason to call after 10 pm, unless you know you're dealing with a night owl who will be up at that time. I am a morning person, so by 10 pm I am likely about ready to crash and not in the mood for a conversation.

OakLeaf

07-09-2014, 05:13 AM

Heh Catrin, you could've been talking about me too. And I'm the farthest thing from a germophobe IMO! It's because I know I'm *not* particularly careful about not washing my hands before touching my face that I try to avoid touching public surfaces when I can. My parents' friend who works for the CDC quips that he'd be out of a job if people would only wash their hands. Being just a tiny bit careful about what's on my hands is the next best thing.

Catrin

07-09-2014, 05:18 AM

One of the advantages of having my over-active immune system is that I NEVER catch anything contagious. Outside of the chicken pox when I was 11... Considering the auto-immune issues I've had over the years I would actually prefer to have a more normal system and catch things like colds instead. Glad to hear you've found a way to keep from catching them!

I guess what caught my attention about her the other day was that it was so extreme. I got it about the elevator button, but it is the first time I've seen someone who wouldn't even open the revolving door in the usual fashion. Her attire was also about 75 years out of date, which is probably what caught my attention initially. We all get through this world in the best way we can. I certainly have OCD tendencies of my own, they are just different than hers.

Catrin - my DH is that way and to some extent I am. Very likely she is a germaphobe. There are a lot of us out there. I avoid touching elevator buttons and such like that if I can. If not, I have hand sanitizer in my purse (and bike bag!) I never used to be so OCD about stuff like that, but the proof is in the pudding; I almost NEVER catch a cold. :)

Catrin

07-09-2014, 10:31 AM

I am glad I posted about this, it has been interesting to read different perspectives. I am probably less careful than I should be, trusting in my over-active immune system probably a bit too much.

Crankin

07-09-2014, 01:21 PM

Eh, if I told you how careless I've been about this in the past, you might faint. I do wash my hands more, now, and maybe that helps. I stopped carrying anti-bacterial stuff in my purse and I no longer use anti-bacterial soap at home. Just regular soap and water for me. I mean, I don't dig into the garbage aand smear it on me, but I also don't wear rubber gloves to take out the trash, as one of my friends does.

emily_in_nc

07-09-2014, 02:49 PM

I don't use anti-bacterial soap either...it's not good for a variety of reasons and is making bad bacteria more resistant. The hand sanitizer I use is just alcohol based. I avoid touching my eyes or face unless I've just washed my hands, and I do wash fairly frequently but not OCDishly. I think I became more of a germaphobe after DH and I both got a horrific case of norovirus in the southwest in 2006 -- we're pretty sure we got it at a big buffet restaurant near Bryce Canyon.

After returning home to NC, we read that the CDC was reporting this big noro outbreak in the "Grand Circle" area of the southwest -- we were in good company, I guess.

I also have an active immune system, having had allergies and asthma all my life, so perhaps even without my diligent efforts, I wouldn't get many colds (like you, Catrin).

I did get a lot of colds in the 18 months we spent in Belize -- so did DH. I attribute that to tourists from all over the world bringing down germs we had no immunity to. And when we'd shop all over town, most of the little shops had doorknobs and such, and I'd sweat so much I'd be swabbing my face with a bandanna, which no doubt got germy from my doorknob hands. I had at least 3-4 colds in the time we were there, which is unheard of for me. Since we've been back (March 2013), I haven't had a single cold.

Crankin

07-10-2014, 03:19 AM

My son and DIL had the norovirus a couple of years ago. It was going around Boston/Cambridge/Somerville like crazy. They are beyond the college aged demographic that mostly gets it here, in these outbreaks, but they do go out to eat a lot and DIL is the general manager of a restaurant. She was really sick and had to go to the ER. They are the only people I know who have had this.
I guess my allergies and asthma have kept the colds away? Those have been much better, too, since moving to MA. Phoenix is just full of dust and mold spores, the 2 things I am allergic to, not mention millions of people with the genetics for asthma, because someone back in the 40s or 50s told their parents or grandparents to move there! My son was on a nebulizer every 4 hours there, and I was pretty close to that.
About 10 years ago my pcp got all freaked out because she saw "something" on a CT scan of my lungs. I went to a pulmonologist who laughed and said "Cocci? When did you live in AZ?" I guess I had Vally Fever and never knew it, although I had been tested for it many times. I was really sick a few times, with what I thought was bronchitis, so I guess it was Vally Fever.

emily_in_nc

07-10-2014, 03:38 PM

Phoenix is just full of dust and mold spores, the 2 things I am allergic to, not mention millions of people with the genetics for asthma, because someone back in the 40s or 50s told their parents or grandparents to move there!

You are so right. When I was diagnosed with asthma in early childhood (born in '61) I still remember my mom telling me the doc recommended we move to Arizona!

Valley Fever scares me -- we love Arizona, but that does scare me. Interesting that you may have had it without even knowing it. Strange!

Oh, happened to see this today -- looks like avoiding touching those elevator buttons is a pretty good idea:

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/hospital-elevator-buttons-dirtier-than-toilets-study-says.html

Even though this study was done in hospitals, I am guessing hotels would be similar.

Crankin

07-11-2014, 03:52 AM

Emily, I've heard that most people who live in the Valley have had it, and unless you get really sick, you never know. Not sure if this holds true for Tucson, but I would think so.

Owlie

07-11-2014, 03:10 PM

If you're otherwise healthy (not immunocompromised or anything), it's often totally asymptomatic, or it has symptoms similar to the flu and resolves on its own.

emily_in_nc

07-11-2014, 04:42 PM

Thanks ladies, that makes me feel much better!

ny biker

07-17-2014, 08:33 AM

Dear migraines, okay, I get it, you can still make my life miserable for days on end even though my hormone cycles aren't what they used to be. You can go away now.

Catrin

07-25-2014, 03:34 AM

Dear Wannabe Thief

You saw my bike ad on Craigslist and sent me an email expressing your interest. Something troubled me about your email that I couldn't pin down. So, I gave you the benefit of the doubt and responded and told you that I would be happy to meet you at my bike store this coming weekend. Your response addressed me by name so I know you read it, but you ignored my location/date suggestion and wanted to meet later that day. I repeated my original message. Oh yes, at some point your emails suddenly were coming from a different person, though the email address was the same. Weirder and more weird to come. Also, outside of the first message, you never actually referred to my "BIKE", but to my "item". No questions about a $1,500 full custom bike, you just really wanted to check out my "item". I was pretty sure at this point that you weren't legit but on the tiny chance that there was a reasonable explanation I didn't give up on you just yet.

Lo and behold, yesterday came two emails from you. Apparently you suddenly were admitted to the hospital for "4 weeks radio therapy treatment for my labyrinthitis" and you really wanted to purchase my "item" for your Cousin (since she is a girl) and you would "issue a bank official check to cover the cost and also add funds to cover the shipping to where it will be needed". First I've heard that vertigo requires "radio therapy treatment" but I'm no doctor. I responded that I accept cash or PayPal, and of course if you are in the hospital (sure he is) PayPal would be much easier for you and I would ship as soon as the funds hit my bank. You then responded that PayPal wasn't possible and you were ready to send that check, and he really wanted my name, address and phone number for that purpose.

Yep, you want to steal my lovely bike. I did respond one last time, simply stating that I do not accept checks of any type. There are all KINDS of warnings about fake cashier checks and money orders. Surprise, surprise, I've not heard from him since then.

------------------------------

So this is a cautionary tale, I think my days of attempting to sell on Craigslist is over. It was such an obvious attempt though, even if there was a very small doubt in my mind at first. The key is to trust your gut. Be careful when selling out there!