Dear So and So

[Biciclista]

Sometimes growing is really no fun....
thanks though.

[Blueberry]

Perfect timing (for me). I'm totally out of my comfort zone at the moment. Thanks for the reminder.

Me too! It's a great reminder.

Though, I do totally sympathize with those who are out of their comfort zone for less happy reasons.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Dear eye, I'm sorry some of the degreaser mist may have hit you yesterday but please, please, PLEASE don't flare up again tonight? I haven't got my steroids or eyedrops anywhere nearby, the pharmacy doesn't open until 10 tomorrow morning. So just hang on for another 12 hours. Ok? Please?

[Becky]

Dear Boss-

How can I make you understand why I don't trust my former supervisor, now co-worker, and why I cannot bring myself to get in a car with this man? It's not about who is driving, although that certainly weighs heavily in this. There are plenty of stories about and examples of his erractic behavior, and I.DON'T.FEEL.SAFE! I can barely manage to sit through a meeting in his presence....

I don't care how much gas costs....I am driving my own car to the upcoming training, even if it is 40 minutes away, and at no cost to you or our department.

Signed,
Stressed out

[Biciclista]

To whom it may concern:
hey, it's still summer!!!
brrrr!

[lph]

Dear tiny middle-aged woman I see almost every morning,

you're a hardcore commuter cyclist. I know, I see you out there spring, summer, autumn and winter. You're not broke, you have real bike clothing and a good helmet. Won't you PLEASE go and treat yourself to a proper bike, instead of that monstrous, heavy step-through you struggle with up every hill? It's way too big for you. If you were a guy you'd be riding something half the weight and three times as expensive. It's ok, really. You deserve it. Go for it.

much love,
-your sister commuter

[lovelygamer]

Dear tiny middle-aged woman I see almost every morning,

you're a hardcore commuter cyclist. I know, I see you out there spring, summer, autumn and winter. You're not broke, you have real bike clothing and a good helmet. Won't you PLEASE go and treat yourself to a proper bike, instead of that monstrous, heavy step-through you struggle with up every hill? It's way too big for you. If you were a guy you'd be riding something half the weight and three times as expensive. It's ok, really. You deserve it. Go for it.

much love,
-your sister commuter

This is sweet. I met a low income guy last week who has rode his pedals down to nubs. I felt so bad for him and his beat down bike. He was as happy as a clam to be out biking though. His story was he's lost fifty pounds and got rid of severe gout since he started.

[lovelygamer]

Dear people who want to help me when I don't want it.

I really do love you guys and girls for looking out for me. I realize I am mostly poor and yeah, probably shouldn't be spending 800$ on a new bike but I WANT to and it's my $800. Do you know how much gas money I save by cycling? I have a ten year old Jeep with a soft top that runs like crap and eats gasoline. I want this bike and I'm saving for it. I will get one, regardless of your comments and efforts to sway me. It will take me awhile but it will happen. I'm nearly 40. I've ridden my current bike for 500 miles and after much time and effort spent on it, realize it's failures and inability to fit me. You haven't rode one mile with me. Let it go, okay?

[Wahine]

Sometimes growing is really no fun....
thanks though.

I wholeheartedly agree.

[Owlie]

Dear self,
No, you shouldn't ride today. You rode Sunday, and you rode yesterday. REST. Also, you can't actually ride because you're out of shorts. Open all the windows and clean instead. The place is covered with a blanket of cat hair anyway.

[bmccasland]

Lovelygamer - I think all of us at TE would agree, You deserve the bike! Go for it chickie!! And when you get your new bike, just remember, we like pictures! Good luck on saving up the funds, so that when you ride out of the shop, it'll be yours, all yours! :D:cool:

[Elphaba]

Dear UPS man,
please get my Avail Inspire to the LBS soon so I get a chance to ride it before I leave for vacation
Friday afternoon.
Thanks!

[Crankin]

Dear TE friends,
Just want an opinion. Well, not really an opinion, because I already decided what to do, but maybe just venting. About a month ago, my niece (daughter of my DH's brother) who is 15 was diagnosed with leukemia. She's 15, it's not childhood type of disease. She's doing well with some targeted drug tx, and will be having a bone marrow transplant in February. Her sister is a perfect match. My issue is my BIL and his inability to focus on what others are feeling. A little background:BIL is ten years younger than DH, youngest in family. Born on the same birthday as DH. Two sisters in between them, neither have kids. BIL was moved around a lot, told he was "a mistake," and generally got no attention. He's a liar, or let's just say embellishes everything. Compulsive spender and work-a-holic. Was in the army, met and impulsively married someone with a substance and mental health issue, had a kid and then had to "rescue" the boy from his mom after they divorced. The son did not turn out well, as despite years of therapy, BIL married someone barely older than my own son (5-6 years) who teated the son like Cinderella. The sick niece is the "princess" of the family and her sister, who is going to be the donor is ignored and quite overweight. They have tried to get her to lose weight by paying her! We have no relationship with these kids, but have visited and observed this over the years, as have my own children. So BIL called us at 1:30 in the morning to tell us the news and since then, it's been "woe is me, this is the worst thing that's happened to me, my life has changed, guess I have to see work differently, etc." But, it's not being said as an "epiphany," more like I can't control this, poor me. He does not mention anything about how his wife feels, or even how the daughter feels, except to say that she stated "now I understand why it was mean to make fun of the kid with a diabetes pump." We have asked constantly about how everyone is doing, with DH gently suggesting that he has to "man up," that he's the dad and he has to be attuned to both the medical needs AND the psychological needs of all. It's fallen on deaf ears. Instead, he started a chat group for people with the disease, which of course HE gets lots of kudos for, from others.
Today, we got a request for money to defray expenses for the transplant, for "what insurance doesn't cover." It's on some web site for "giving" for such things. I find this extremely crass, but I *guess* it's acceptable practice? Is this my flinty New Englander coming out? DH and I decided to give a little more than we would for a Bar Mitzvah, etc., but we both are worried that the money will be spent on a new car. We are the only ones in the family that will give, for sure.
As I said, just venting, but I find the whole thing very disturbing.

[OakLeaf]

It's very common in my area to pass a public hat for medical expenses (and living expenses while a family member is undergoing treatment). Even if they have the best insurance, they're likely to be tens of thousands of dollars out of pocket. People put their stories in the newspaper and establish a trust account with a local bank, put collection jars in local stores, and/or hold a meal or concert or raffle to raise money.

You might suggest that he establish such a trust account if this website isn't an actual trust. When it's intended to be short-term and produce a minimal amount of income, he should be able to do it directly with the bank for minimal to no cost, or perhaps with his local community foundation. Perhaps being a trustee would make him wiser with the money; if nothing else, it would mean that contributions are tax-deductible.

It's my experience also that "you're sick, poor me" is an extremely common response. Not that it's ever appropriate, and from your description he's taking it to an extreme. But it's one of the reasons I'm more likely to vent about my own health issues here on TE, than with people I actually know. It's hard enough taking care of myself when I'm injured or in the midst of a serious health scare, I don't have enough left to have to take care of the emotional needs that friends, spouse, etc. incur because I'm injured or whatever.

[bmccasland]

Crankin, in addition to what OakLeaf said, I would continue to ask about how the kids are doing in coversations with that family. Yes BIL has feelings, but what is actually happening is to the girls, gifting bone marrow is not like donating blood, and the child with leukemia needs all the support she can get.

Also, is there a way to encourage the sister who's donating (and with the weight problem) to be more active as she recovers from the bone marrow donation? Getting her into healthy activities would help with her weight as well as dealing with personal issues and that her sister is sick (sick kid will get more attention than other kids).

[Crankin]

All good ideas.
I have continually encouraged DH to use the language of feelings with his brother, but brother has no schema for this. DH is in the parental role here, as his parents are both dead. The family doesn't really have any community that I know of, other than work friends, maybe parents of the kids' friends. Before they knew the sister was a good match, we suggested they hook up with the Jewish community, as there is an established agency that does this (tries to find matches) and that was shot down. We were made to feel bad that we didn't sign up to be tested, but DH told him the reason, as we both have pre-existing conditions that disqualify us, and then he understood.
The problem is no matter what the brother does, it feels like self-promotion, even if it's in the service of his daughter. As a therapist, I know what the reactions to serious illness are, and I feel as if I could be of help. But, he's focusing on all of the wrong things. And past experience with him is clouding my vision. We've been accused of being "unfeeling," about some things, but in reality, we are just very pragmatic. We've had bad things happen to us, and we just deal with it differently, I guess.
I wish I was closer with his wife, and I find it quite odd that he doesn't ever mention how she is doing.
I've always said they were going to implode because his response to stress is to buy something or get a new job. When my younger son went to visit them once for Thanksgiving, he called us and said, "Don't ever make me come here again; they have no soul." He was 18 and I understood exactly what he meant. I just feel badly for the girls, both the sick one and especially the sister.
ETA: OK, as I suspected, this is somewhat of a scam. We donated, BIL called to thank DH. On the web site,it says the donations are for expenses not covered by insurance. In reality, his insurance will pay everything, except 5K, as he told DH. He can easily afford that. He is asking for 25K to "upgrade" his home, so it will be germ free after she comes home from the transplant. I know this is necessary, but the point is, if he had been saving even a nominal amount, instead of buying a 75,000 car, as well as multiple other frivolous things, he wouldn't be begging. This is not someone who is poor; it's someone who spends compulsively and without thought. I read his blog posts and it's nauseating. When he told DH he couldn't sleep, DH emphatically said, "you need to get counseling." Instead, he's getting pharmaceuticals.

[Biciclista]

Crankin, this really is a strange story. My uncle died from Leukemia. It's a kind of cancer, and there's no cancer that I would trust behind my back. This guy really does sound strange, I hope SOMEONE is minding those two girls!

[Crankin]

I could write a nice case study on this family.
The mom is a good mom to the girls, but part of my discomfort is just the way they've raised their kids and how she treated her step-son, a kid who already had attachment disorder. Let's just say,if I had a daughter, it would be different.

[bmccasland]

Dear Dentist,
I spent 4 lovely hours in your chair yesterday. Thank you for finally noting in my chart that I Don''t LIKE the bite dam thing. However, I am not feeling the love right now as my temp-crown came off while I was eating my breakfast this morning. :mad: I wasn't chewing anything difficult, just a nice whole grain muffin (without nuts). So I quit eating, drank my milk, brushed my teeth and came to work. Left a message on your voice mail, so please work me in today. The nubbin of a tooth feels really "special" right now. grumble grumble grumble :(
And by the way, I'm hungry as I had yogurt with applesauce for dinner last night.

[Fredwina]

Malkin,
duh, no kidding. My mother gets more obtuse every year.

I know about that. Just tried to explain to my mother what is going on in Libya and Egypt. All she really gets is that Hillary is all over the news. :(

[Crankin]

That made me laugh, Fredwina. I know it's not funny, though.
I like Hillary.

[Pax]

Dear Universe (again),

Seriously?????? Well, life with the puppy went to hell very quickly. The deal was my honey takes care of the puppy because I'm running 24/7 taking care of my sick mom... last Thursday my honey was walking the puppy, took a misstep and fell, she now has a broken ankle. After two days of trying to take care of mom/SO/puppy and still work full time we realized the puppy was getting zero attention and I was sobbing while standing in the yard because I was so wasted.

Saturday we returned the puppy to the breeder, it sucked so much. :(

Mom starts peritoneal dialysis today, I'm out of sick leave and am now using my small amount of saved vacation, by the end of the week I'll be taking time off without pay. This is all just so damned hard.

Signed,

Really needing a bit of a break

[indysteel]

((((Pax)))). I'm so sorry. Sending you good vibes that things turn around soon.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((Pax))))))) What a time you've had. Hugs and prayers.

[Sky King]

pax, so sorry to hear. Any chance you can do the family leave act? If I was closer I would bring food

Been there and my heart goes out to you virtual hug



Dear Universe (again),

Seriously?????? Well, life with the puppy went to hell very quickly. The deal was my honey takes care of the puppy because I'm running 24/7 taking care of my sick mom... last Thursday my honey was walking the puppy, took a misstep and fell, she now has a broken ankle. After two days of trying to take care of mom/SO/puppy and still work full time we realized the puppy was getting zero attention and I was sobbing while standing in the yard because I was so wasted.

Saturday we returned the puppy to the breeder, it sucked so much. :(

Mom starts peritoneal dialysis today, I'm out of sick leave and am now using my small amount of saved vacation, by the end of the week I'll be taking time off without pay. This is all just so damned hard.

Signed,

Really needing a bit of a break

[Catrin]

Oh Pax I am so sorry, I wish I could help you somehow. Sending you warm hugs and thought. Do check into the family medical leave act.

[Blueberry]

((((Pax))))) That situation really, really sucks. Does your employer offer any sort of leave transfer policy? Where others can transfer accrued leave and/or vacation (depending on the policy of the institution) to those who need it? I also wonder if there are any sort of eldercare resources you might be able to plug into (e.g., someone to help transport mom to her appointments, sit with her, give you a break). Might be worth looking into.

FYI to Catrin and Skyking: FMLA leave is leave without pay (unless your employer chooses to provide otherwise). So - it sounds like that's what's already happening.

[Blueberry]

Dear Major University where I am taking classes:

I get that "alternative learning" is the cool new thing. However, you have created a disaster in your "experiment" with one of the major first year classes. Having students read the book and watch (random assorted not put out by the department) youtube videos as the "lecture", then take a comprehension quiz first thing using clickers, and then work with the (assigned seat) group you have selected for us is NOT working. If I wanted to teach myself, I could have saved a large bundle of money. The people you have assigned me to work with are neither awake at 8AM nor helpful in solving the problems. The mentor "teachers" who are supposed to assist us in solving the problems are wrong more often than they're right. The entire class is a nightmare, and not just because the subject is hard.

Signed,

Disgruntled and wishing for the "good old days"

[snapdragen]

I'm so sorry Pax, I know what you're going through. Hugs to you.

[maillotpois]

Big hug to you Pax. Too much for anyone.

[Owlie]

(((((Pax)))))

Dear universe,
Lay off Pax and PaxHoney, if you don't mind.

[spokewench]

Oh Pax, so sorry to hear about all your troubles; and also Pax's honey and Mom. Sometimes, I wish all of us were a bit closer so we could react like real friends. It is hard to be separated by space.

[SFLiz]

Pax,
If, as the others already suggested, you have the option to take FMLA, I can tell you that it can be just what you need in these kinds of situations. I knew nothing about FMLA in 1997-8 but my employer at the time offered it to me after learning about my struggles at home. Back then I was constantly trying to stay one step ahead of my father's deteriorating health. My employer and I worked out a plan to work from home where I could keep my eye on my dad. I took no pay cut all the while on leave. Consider discussing options with your employer if your work is something you can do remotely from home. Today it's a lot easier and more accepted to work remotely. Perhaps you can ask for even part-time work from home, to alleviate your crisis.

If I can offer any advice at all, I urge you to please force yourself to dedicate some time daily solely for yourself. Even if that's just 10 minutes a day - this type of stress caring for a parent can be debilitating mentally and/or physically. If I didn't have my passion for distance running back then, I would have fallen deeply into depression (as it was, I was not in good shape emotionally). You need to give yourself some time to decompress from that kind of stress or it will take a toll on you. It's vital. If I can offer any advice at all, let me know. PM me.

[Pax]

Thank you everyone, I'm feeling a bit battered by life at the moment, your support and caring is a big help.

Thankfully my employer is very understanding and FMLA was offered immediately. I have no option to work from home but my honey and I are the sort who live far far below our means, so we can absorb the financial shock pretty well. I've been having to firm heart-to-heart conversations with my mom and that is painful, but it's helping. I don't want her to feel badly, but I also won't be treated like "the help" when I'm busting my butt to help her.

[malkin]

(((Pax)))) Hang in there, it has to get better.


Blueberry: Ick. Alternative, SCHMALTERNATIVE!

[salsabike]

Pax, I would bring you guys the warmest most comforting casserole dinner if only I could. I am really sorry. You will get through to the other side of this.

[Owlie]

Dear mother,

Yes, I know my knee hurts. I do have some idea what caused it, and it should be relatively easily rectified. (By a new bike--seriously, this is the cost-effective solution. Full 105 would cost me around $1300. New drivetrain and shifters would constitute a significant fraction of that. Owing to where I work, I can get a very significant discount on a full-carbon frame with Ultegra for around $1500.)

Telling me to just stop riding is not helpful. I'll just stick with new pedals and shoes right now, as the fitter suggested.

[Crankin]

Owlie, ignore your mother. We can be annoying.
Seriously, I can't count how many medical professionals have told me this in the past 12 years, even ones who are cyclists. People can't see beyond their own solutions.

[Scrappy]

Dear Husband,

You really want to throw away our 9 year relationship (on our anniversary/my birthday!) and you don't even have a reason why? You couldn't even wait until my son whom you raised finished his senior year of High School? I gave you the best years of my life, and now I am middle aged and you are still a young man who can start over and have a new family. This is so painful and I have no one to lean on here and you know it. My heart is breaking. :(

Scrappy

[Catrin]

{{{{Scrappy}}}} I wish I were closer to you. I am so sorry this has happened.

[Scrappy]

Thank you Catrin.. I need all the hugs I can get right now.. {{Sobs}}

[OakLeaf]

(((((((Scrappy))))))) That just s*cks. I'm so sorry. If it doesn't make it hurt worse my saying so ... what an a-hole.

[emily_in_nc]

SO sorry, Scrappy. I can't believe anyone would do something so cruel to someone they supposedly love(d), on such a day in particular! Wish I were there to be a friend to you -- I could use one right now myself!

Virtual hugs to you...

[indysteel]

(((Scrappy))). That's just awful. I'm truly sorry. Please know that your TE sisters are here for you.

[Owlie]

(((Scrappy)))

What the--who does that?! That's terrible!

(((Scrappy))) again, because I can't think of anything else to say that doesn't contain interesting language.

[TsPoet]

{{{Scrappy}}}
this is probably the wrong thing to say, but, I hope you move on to anger soon, because just being mad at the jerk, and not sad, is what he deserves.

[Scrappy]

Thank You So MUCH ladies of TE. I am so sad right now. I can feel your collective hugs and I am just very grateful. My family is 1/2 a country away in WA state and all I want to do is hug someone and cry.. {sob}

[Pax]

(((((Scrappy))))) That just sucks, hope you find some peace soon.

[laura*]

You really want to throw away our 9 year relationship

Oh, how horrible! Horrible! (need more !'s) !!!!!!!


you don't even have a reason why? ... you are still a young man who can start over and have a new family.

That's probably the reason. His biological clock may have just gone off - and he now wants biologically related offspring. I've heard multiple such stories passed along in my circle of friends. There are guys who've been happy as a clam in child free long term relationships - who suddenly broke it off, and six months later are married and the new wife is already expecting.

[Crankin]

I am sorry, Scrappy.
He probably has a reason. It's just too awful to tell you.
What an ****ole.

[Scrappy]

I want to thank you all again for the outpouring of support. {{{{RECEIVING HUGS}}}}} So much time spent crying today, I didn't know that much emotion could be inside one human being. Muirenn, I'm so sorry that it happened like this to you too. It wouldn't surprise me if it was his biological clock. He is 7 yrs younger than I am and we met when he barely turned 22. I was turning 29 and by then I had already had a 8 year old and a hysterectomy. He swore that he never wanted kids, but I've seen him around little ones and they love him. He's 31 now and I'm 38.. he's in the prime of his life and Me, all I can do is bring home more fur babies, and that's just not the same.

[goldfinch]

Scrappy, take care. You are in your prime too.

[Sky King]

Dear Awesome Son,

I hope the call from the helicopter school yesterday encouraging you to apply was the boost to your self confidence you have been needing. Hello, you are an awesome pilot, they want to hire you, get your application in today and prepare for the new chapter in your life. Your Mom

[Amira]

I want to thank you all again for the outpouring of support. {{{{RECEIVING HUGS}}}}} So much time spent crying today, I didn't know that much emotion could be inside one human being. Muirenn, I'm so sorry that it happened like this to you too. It wouldn't surprise me if it was his biological clock. He is 7 yrs younger than I am and we met when he barely turned 22. I was turning 29 and by then I had already had a 8 year old and a hysterectomy. He swore that he never wanted kids, but I've seen him around little ones and they love him. He's 31 now and I'm 38.. he's in the prime of his life and Me, all I can do is bring home more fur babies, and that's just not the same.


Scrappy, woman, you are still in your prime, even if technically, you're not able to 'bring home babies.' I have to say, if for no other reason than timing, it was a pretty Sh!tty way to tell you, though. Hold your head high and carry on (easy to say, hard to do, I know). Sending cyber hugs and support.

[luvmyguys]

Dear Husband,

You really want to throw away our 9 year relationship (on our anniversary/my birthday!) and you don't even have a reason why? You couldn't even wait until my son whom you raised finished his senior year of High School? I gave you the best years of my life, and now I am middle aged and you are still a young man who can start over and have a new family. This is so painful and I have no one to lean on here and you know it. My heart is breaking. :(

Scrappy

I'm so sorry. :(

Dh here = dirtbag husband.

[snapdragen]

Scrappy, take care. You are in your prime too.

Yes! You are just reaching the best years!

[tulip]

Scrappy, so sorry to hear about your troubles.

I know you are hurting, but I just want to provide a little bit of caution: please remember that anything that you put on the internet can be used in an eventual divorce.

Take care of yourself and your son. Best wishes to you both.

[bmccasland]

(((((Scrappy)))))
Hang in there lady. Unfortunately all I can offer are zen hugs.

And after reading Scrappy's post, my troubles that I was going to post don't seem quite so bothersome now.

Scrappy - wish we could join up, go for a nice fall walk, then enjoy a cuppa something together. Somestimes fresh air and sunshine with a friend helps ease things, even if just for a little bit.

[Catrin]

{{{{{{Scrappy}}}}}} More hugs for you!



Dear Knee,

You've been really, really good all summer. Ok, so I went a full 7 days without a rest day...I am sorry. Please don't interfere with my going to the Hope Ride Saturday, I've been looking forward to this all year :cool:

[Owlie]

Dear Knee,

You've been really, really good all summer. Ok, so I went a full 7 days without a rest day...I am sorry. Please don't interfere with my going to the Hope Ride Saturday, I've been looking forward to this all year :cool:

Knees are silly.

[Wahine]

((((((((Scrappy))))))))))

As someone who as gone through a divorce, I can understand to some degree though my circumstances were much different. But I want to tell you to feel what you need to feel, give into it fully and let it wash through. But always hold on to the truth that you will come out fine. It just takes time.

[Wahine]

To all the different entities that make a sh!t ton of money off of Real Estate transactions...

What the h3ll!? I can't believe you feel entitled to the fees that you demand for filing paperwork. I know how hard my Real Estate agent is working to make things work out for me and she's earning her commission. But what about the leaches in the system?!! And it shouldn't take 2 hours to fill out my loan application!! I'm a perfect applicant for crying out loud! I've never defaulted on a loan, in fact I think I've only been late on 3 credit card payments in my entire life and those were for pretty good reasons. Yet I only have a good, not excellent credit rating? How is that possible?

And, I shouldn't have to sign a million pieces of paper to make things happen. Do I really have to sign a declaration that my loan officer explained the declarations to me?

The world has gone insane.

[Pedal Wench]

Scrappy,

I met the love of my life when i was 35 and he was 45. That was 15 years ago and I'm happier than I ever could have imagined. Keep looking forward. There is hope ahead.

[shootingstar]

I'm sorry to hear of this Scrappy and wonder what his reasons were for divorcing. There will be an advantage...when you are single and have ..older children. It's just easier...from a dating perspective.

[OakLeaf]

Dear friends of the guy who used to put cigarettes out in my sister's legs and beat the cr*p out of me with belts,

If I'm crying, it's not from grief at losing him. If I'm shaking, it's not from suppressed sadness. It's not out of respect for him that I'll be at the funeral. And if I'm not interested in talking to you or knowing about your relationship with him - even if you never saw him abuse a child, think about all the times you heard him verbally abuse a work subordinate, a service person, or his wife - anyone in a position of inferior power to him, all the way through the last weeks of his life - and ask yourself why you thought that was acceptable.

[malkin]

((Oak)) It's powerful to see what you see and know what you know and then go ahead and feel what you feel.


((Scrappy)) Hang in there sweetie. I never believed it when I was younger, but my 40s and 50s (so far) just keep getting better and better.

[Crankin]

I am sorry you have to go through this, Oak. Most people just don't get it on this particular topic. And most people don't do or say anything, either. My own MIL told me my DH must "have a psychological problem" because of the stuff he told me about his childhood. OK, and you watched your husband abuse 4 kids...
One thing I know for sure, is that kids don't lie about this stuff and from my perspective in the field, abuse/neglect of any kind is the root of about 75% of all mental health issues.

[indysteel]

((((Oak)))). How awful. I so feel for you and your sister. We have a white elephant of child abuse in my own family. I'm sorry you've had to endure this.

[Catrin]

Oakleaf, I am so sorry that you were faced with this. As Indy put it so well, my family also has that same white elephant (part of the reason I am so far from my family and rarely go home)...continuing to send many hugs and warm thoughts your way during this very hard time.

[Crankin]

Yes, and this was part of the reason we moved 2800 miles away from DH's family.
And some people think we were cold about the fact that my FIL died a horrible death from Lewy Body Disease.

[Pax]

((((Oak)))) Thinking of you.

[redrhodie]

(((Oak))) it always amazes me when someone so good comes from such a bad place.

[Owlie]

(((Oak)))

ETA:
Dear friend's dad:

Using your daughter's single complaint/observation about her pet(s) as an excuse to rehome them within two days is not cool. I think you're just showing your own dislike for her animals and using her comment to justify it, dressing it up as helping her. You did this first with the parrot she raised from a chick, and not six months later with her cat. I'm surprised that you haven't yet found an excuse to get rid of the other parrot. She very much benefits from the animal companionship--it helps with the depression you refuse to recognize.

Grr.

[OakLeaf]

Thanks all. Hugs were definitely welcome this weekend, and (maybe unsurprisingly) it will be very rough for a few weeks while I sort out some more unexpected and very ugly stuff...


Dear Owlie's friend - hugs. Dear Owlie's friend's dad - do not mistreat your daughter right now because I am in the mood to come there myself and punch you hard.

[Catrin]

Thanks all. Hugs were definitely welcome this weekend, and (maybe unsurprisingly) it will be very rough for a few weeks while I sort out some more unexpected and very ugly stuff...


Dear Owlie's friend - hugs. Dear Owlie's friend's dad - do not mistreat your daughter right now because I am in the mood to come there myself and punch you hard.

This makes both of us - and sending hugs to Owlies friend.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Oh dear, BIG HUGS to everyone having a hard time now.

[skhill]

Dear local traffic engineers and planners

Sometimes I wonder if you're trying to kill cyclists. There are bike lanes that continue across an intersection, yet run to the right of right turn only lanes. There's Main St., with 4 lanes of one-way traffic that often goes 50 mph (instead of the posted 35), and a bike lane completely in the door zone of very busy on-street parking. And now you've started putting in sharrows, with no effort made to educate the public as to what these weird markings mean. WTF?

Of course, it's not just cyclists. You also have it in for pedestrians...

And people wonder why this city was singled out for being the most sedentary in America.

[emily_in_nc]

And people wonder why this city was singled out for being the most sedentary in America.

What city, skhill?

[skhill]

Lexington, KY. Last year Men's Health ranked us as the most sedentary city. Though a lot of the medical stats they looked at were affected by the folks from rural Kentucky who use the hospitals here.

[indysteel]

Interesting. DH and I were in Lexington fairly recently (he's from KY originally) and I commented on how dangerous some of the downtown bike lanes seemed. Of course, I say the same thing about the bike lanes in Indy. I'd rather just ride in a regular lane.

[bmccasland]

Dear Lazy Neighbor,
I picked up the old paint scrapings out of my side yard and your driveway yesterday, so the wind would quit blowing them around. I realize that you're the baby of the family, but you're in your 40's now and should be able to pick up after yourself. I realize that you don't like yard work - your ratty yard is indicative of that, but if you start a project, you should at least clean up after it. We've had several lovely days in the past week where you could of picked up the mess. I take care of my rented home as if it was my own home, while you live in your parents home scot-free. Maybe I should call your big brother to straighten you out?

So when you do have your house painted, would you please let me know so I can move my car. Considering the care and attention you give to everything else outside, I have a bad feeling that my car could get painted too, especially since my driveway is so close to your house.

Your neighbor, who's tired of living next to a slob,

[kajero]

PAX
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am also sending you as many hugs and a few more than you need. This can be so hard. And it can be so hard to patient and understanding sometime.

I just went through this with my Dad, although we didn't have a Dog.

If you can afford it, can you have some kind of relief help come in? We used "Visiting Angels." They were wonderful. At first we had them come in once a week for three hours (the minimum) and then when summer came on we had them come out an additional day to hep my father bathe. The three hour breaks did wonders for everyone.

We also very fortunate with the medical situation. There are now geriatic doctors than make house calls We were able to hook up with a fantastic doctor.

Once again, I send my prayers. I would send some pertinent quote, but what can more than I "feel" for you do? Please remember to take time for yourself (somehow) and I pray things work out for you soon.

[Biciclista]

Dear TE ladies
boy life can sure be a b#$@$ sometimes. I try to keep stuff in perspective (tearjerker ahead) and my DH wrote something amazing to another cyclist in late June (he died in July)
I am sharing it with you guys because you have been awesome to me and hey, a little perspective never hurts anything.
the a cyclist who had an injury shared this with me, Donald was responding to her complaints:
"From Donald, when I was feeling down, this is what Don wrote to me on BJ, just weeks before his passing:

'I know our situations are a bit different, B***a, but here's my take on this, for what its worth. After a couple weeks in the hospital last fall, I sorta knew that this was going to be a permanent change in my life. I didn't know what lay ahead, but I wanted my life back. The more I lay there reflecting on that, the more it became obvious to me that nobody had taken my life. This was my life, my "new normal" so to speak. At this point, even typing is difficult because of the met that has now attacked my right forearm and the blood clot in the right shoulder area that causes massive swelling. It is becoming obvious that my days even doing short rides are nearly done, and there are moments when I "want my life back", realizing the futility of that thought process. It is so very important to me to recognize that if I long for what I cannot have, I miss the opportunity to recognize the blessing of what I DO have. Time is a precious commodity, and I honestly believe that we need to make the most of every moment, especially if we have loved ones (most of us do, I think) who we care about. It is my experience that if I waste time focusing on the things I have not gotten to do or am not going to be able to do, I really cheat myself out of a lot of opportunities. If, on the other hand, I can find the silver lining in things and take the time I would waste fretting about the couldn'ts focusing on my gratitude for the wonderful things in my life at any given moment instead, my life is pretty doggone good.'
"

[Red Rock]

Biciclista,

How nice of that person to share that with you. Even in his own writing. When those things come up, they can make your day. Thank you for sharing it with us. I love his description of the whole change of his life and how he was going to deal with it. When my husband had Cancer, he was active too, he had his own days when he was not going anywhere. So I appreciate his thought process on the whole situation. I will definately struggle with this whenever I get to that point.

Red Rock

[Biciclista]

i hope you never get to that point, Red Rock!

[emily_in_nc]

What a beautiful note from Donald, and thanks for sharing it with us, Mimi. To me, even though I never knew him personally, he seems like a really "old soul" who had simply done all that he was meant to do in this lifetime, including achieving wisdom, perspective, and grace -- even in the face of something so difficult. We should all be so fortunate.

*hugs*

[indysteel]

What Emily said. I read parts of Donald's blog when he died and was struck by his openness and honesty. It seems that he consistently approached life with a sense of gratitude, even in the face of difficulty and doubt. He sounds like quite the man; quite the spirit. Thank you for sharing him with us.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Dear life,

Ouch.

That's all I can muster the strength to say.

[redrhodie]

Mimi, that was beautiful. An attitude to aspire to. I hope to remember those words often enough.

[OakLeaf]

((((((((Alexis))))))))
((((((((Mimi))))))))

[Biciclista]

What a beautiful note from Donald, and thanks for sharing it with us, Mimi. To me, even though I never knew him personally, he seems like a really "old soul" who had simply done all that he was meant to do in this lifetime, including achieving wisdom, perspective, and grace -- even in the face of something so difficult. We should all be so fortunate.

*hugs*
He really did learn fast. I could never figure out how he could let go of stuff as easily as he did. I kept trying to learn from him, but I guess I am stubborn, and like to hold on to my resentments, my expectations, my disappointments. HOW did he do that? I guess I had better keep trying. That's the least that I can do, in his honor.
One of the neatest things about him is that he left a huge paper trail. There are literally hundreds, maybe thousands of posts of his on bikejournal. A lot of them are just inane silly things but others are well thought and full of good advice. Ohwell. sorry to be rambling here.

[azfiddle]

Thanks for sharing that Mimi. It's so easy to feel sorry for yourself...Don's comments on bikejournal certainly left an impression on my husband- and I know that was just a small slice of his interaction with other people.

[Owlie]

Thank you, Mimi.

Dear department (my adviser and one other person in particular):
Why can't you grow the (bleep) up and deal with your issues like adults instead of dragging students into it?

Me.

[jobob]

Thanks so much Mimi.

[Adventure Girl]

...It is so very important to me to recognize that if I long for what I cannot have, I miss the opportunity to recognize the blessing of what I DO have. Time is a precious commodity, and I honestly believe that we need to make the most of every moment, especially if we have loved ones (most of us do, I think) who we care about... He was a very wise man. This is a beautiful sentiment that we can apply to so many situations. Absolutely beautiful. Thanks, Mimi, for sharing Donald's thoughts (and for sharing Donald) with us.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Dear life,

Can you explain why I keep feeling like I've fallen off the loop somewhere and don't know how to get back on? I feel isolated and blank. It's not that I don't know how to enjoy my own company like everyone keeps telling me to. But I feel utterly absolutely isolated and as a result, spending time by myself is no fun. Actually, nothing is fun. I know it's a tiny problem compared to everything else that happens in the world but this is not how I want to keep feeling for the rest of my life.

[indysteel]

((((Alexis)))). If you aren't already, have you ever considered talking to a therapist of some sort? I struggled with similar feelings for a long time, and it was definitely one of the bigger issues that my long-time therapist and I eventually tackled. Part of it is that I had to work long and hard at changing certain of my internal dialogues. I also had to work to find the types of people and activities that would fulfill me. For far too long, I beat myself up and felt estranged because most of my then-friends' social lives revolved around hitting the town and, to some extent, drinking. Those were things that made me feel exceedingly uncomfortable. It wasn't until I changed my social circles to include ygoa, cycling, and other physical pursuits that I found a social life more in keeping with my goals and interests. Anyway, I'd encourage you to talk to a professional if you're open to that.

[Biciclista]

Good advice, Indy.
yes, life is way way better than what you are seeing Alexis.

to whom it may concern. ahem? the sun? I Thought we had until FRIDAY...?

[Crankin]

Alexis, Indy gave you very good advice. I'll restate it, from the "professional" point of view.
Please see a therapist. Changing those internal dialogues is not an easy thing to do on your own.

[Catrin]

Alexis, Indy gave you very good advice. I'll restate it, from the "professional" point of view.
Please see a therapist. Changing those internal dialogues is not an easy thing to do on your own.

As someone who has had to do a LOT of work changing those internal dialogues (and will likely always have to work at it), I concur with Crankin and Indy. Get someone to help you with this.

[malkin]

... Ohwell. sorry to be rambling here.


Ramble on!
Your posts are wonderful.

[Biciclista]

To whom it may concern
On Sidi's ITALIAN website I see that there will once again be RED women's MTB shoes. But will they ever sell them in the US of A??
I'd sure like to know. My wonderful red SIDIs are getting worn out.

[OakLeaf]

There's always another trip to Italy for shoe shopping. ;)

[spokewench]

Mimi thank you for Don's wonderful thoughts. He was a very thoughtful man. You were and are lucky that he was in your life.

As far as red Sidi shoes, shockingly about three weeks ago, I went for a mountain bike ride; pulled out all my old gear of course and I had almost forgotten that I had bought a wonderful pair of red sidis! They are almost new since I quit riding shortly after buying them. what a nice surprise! They really are pretty. Oh, an shockingly, I am still a decent climber - what's up with that?

[Sky King]

Is there any police patrolling in Portland Oregon! The DD has now lived there for 4 1/2 years and last night her car was broken into for the 4th time! All in different neighborhoods and not necessarily sketchy. This time they smashed out the passenger window but someone must have scared them off as they only got a cell phone, whew and two bikes and two computers were also in the car. The DH told her she should consider stripping everything out - like the radio and just leave it unlocked from now on...

[tulip]

Is there any police patrolling in Portland Oregon! The DD has now lived there for 4 1/2 years and last night her car was broken into for the 4th time! All in different neighborhoods and not necessarily sketchy. This time they smashed out the passenger window but someone must have scared them off as they only got a cell phone, whew and two bikes and two computers were also in the car. The DH told her she should consider stripping everything out - like the radio and just leave it unlocked from now on...

Please tell your DD to not leave anything in the car. That's just inviting trouble, seriously. Car break-ins happen no matter what the neighborhood is like when there are valuables inside.

[tulip]

Dear Life, Universe, Whatever You Are,
Wow, you sure do come in bursts, don't you? Pretty incredibly positive stuff going on. I know the pendulum swings, but right now, it's swinging my way. And no, I won't give in to superstitions and downplay the good in my life in hopes that will repel the bad. Doesn't work that way. Live life, whatever it brings.

[Blueberry]

To whom it may concern
On Sidi's ITALIAN website I see that there will once again be RED women's MTB shoes. But will they ever sell them in the US of A??
I'd sure like to know. My wonderful red SIDIs are getting worn out.

And mine are .5 sizes too small. Ok for short rides, but not good for long rides. I *really* want a new pair. I have blue, but sapphire slippers just aren't the same as ruby slippers!

ETA: Lest I get anyone's hopes up, I can't part with them until they make them again. I'm too attached:)

[Biciclista]

Is there any police patrolling in Portland Oregon! The DD has now lived there for 4 1/2 years and last night her car was broken into for the 4th time! All in different neighborhoods and not necessarily sketchy. This time they smashed out the passenger window but someone must have scared them off as they only got a cell phone, whew and two bikes and two computers were also in the car. The DH told her she should consider stripping everything out - like the radio and just leave it unlocked from now on...
In large cities it is considered careless to leave valuables in your car. She should not leave her phone! computers! and the like in her car.

hmm, Spokewrench, I was kinda thinking you were going to offer me your shoes. :p I see they have road bike shoes in red, but I need something I can safely walk in. MTB shoes are the ticket!

[Catrin]

Dear Post Office,

Please deliver the warranty part for my cleats SOON! I am in withdrawal from the lack of riding, and I am NOT going on the trainer this early in the year! Thank you and I hope to find a package from you today.

Catherine

[Sky King]

In large cities it is considered careless to leave valuables in your car. She should not leave her phone! computers! and the like in her car.

Normally she keeps nothing in her car but that doesn't even seem to stop the break-ins, one time they broke in and ripped apart her glove box there wasn't anything in the car. This time they had stopped on the way home to have dinner and were parked close to the restaurant :( it wasn't even late - before 9pm.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Dear anorexia, oh hello, you again. This time around, I don't even know what to do with you. I'll just take my multi-vites and eat when I can make myself and maybe, eventually, you'll go away. I'm too tired to keep fighting you.

[OakLeaf]

((((((((alexis))))))))

I worried when you put up the other posts. Do you have anyone at all you can talk to? Get back in touch with a therapist you've worked with in the past?

Please take care. Try to eat. Try to do some of the things that have helped you with these feelings in the past - even if it doesn't feel like they're working now. I care.

[Crankin]

Alexis, please, please see a mental health professional.
Getting your nutrition/eating assessed and normalized should be the first thing anyone you work with does.
PM me if you want.

[indysteel]

(((Alexis))). I'm so sorry you're suffering. While I never got thin enough to be labeled as an anorexic, I used disordered eating for years as a coping mechanism when I felt out of control. Therapy, yoga and cycling were my saving grace. I hope you find the help you need. Please reach out to a professional.

[Owlie]

(((Alexis)))

[alexis_the_tiny]

Thanks a lot, guys. I've been referred and my follow up is next week. I've realized that I starve not as a way to get control but overwhelming anxiety makes it really hard to eat. And when the anxiety has eased up, I still panic when eating and eventually, whatever I've eaten will get vomited up. Not because I'm inducing myself to vomit, it just comes up. So far, I've been able to get cereal and yogurt down once a day along with the multis so I'm still getting some nutrition.

[indysteel]

I'm so glad you have some insight into what's causing these episodes, Alexis, and that you're planning to talk to someone. I hope you find some relief soon. Hugs!

[laura*]

Dear nano-climates:

I hate you.

The weather forecast is for a short dry heat wave with "Santa Ana" style wind. The wind is supposed to be significantly drying. The relative humidity is expected to drop and remain low. There was even talk of a red flag forest fire danger.

I could probably throw burning coals into my yard and they would self extinguish. Last week (a week ago!) it rained 0.1" (yes, a tenth of an inch). The road, the driveway, the ground, the weeds, everything is still wet. The afternoon high briefly reached the mid 70's - which is about 20 degrees cooler than the forecast.

[Biciclista]

It's been 3 months. 3 months of not having my main squeeze. I've gotten my health back. (Maybe not all of my mental health)
I realize that without my dear obsessive cycling husband, I will probably never ride long distances (100k's) again, but I will continue to ride and promote cycling.
The house rings with silence when I don't remember to turn on the radio. I am so lucky because my DH wrote and wrote, all over facebook, all over bike journal. His blog has over 100 posts. He left scraps of paper around the house with short poems on it, he left journals, unmailed letters to the editor. He left little time capsules in cigarboxes, where he had keepsakes, letters, photos, and then put the box away... so each one is from a different era. There's only a few of them, but you can see what he cherished during that particular time.
I am sad and lonely and I miss him, but I am enough out of the black grief to know how lucky we were. How much he gave me, my sons, our family, his friends, his community...
okay, back to your regular station...

[marni]

dear Tamoxifen,
I am sick of losing four or five day of my life to you every six weeks or so. At this point I am almost hoping ( not really but that's how I feel) that next weeks mammogram on the remaining breast shows up with something that will require surgery so I can ust be through with this. I have lost 10% of my stregth, endurance and motivation from the first mastectomy and now matter how hard I work, it seems that I am still slowly sliding backwards. I am defintiely going to talk to the Dr. about just getting rid of you but with my luck, the changes and bouts of tamoxifen "poisoning" ( hot flashes, sweats, anxiety, loss of sleep, weepeiness, depression, anger, moodiness, and temporary weight gainwill become a permanent fixture for my life whether I take the **** pills or not.

signed I want my life back.

[Biciclista]

ah, Marni, chemo SUCKS. I hope you can get done with it SOON.

[Owlie]

(((Mimi)))
(((Marni)))

[indysteel]

(((Mimi)))
(((Marni)))

+1.

[OakLeaf]

Hugs to you both.

[Catrin]

Indeed, many hugs to both of you.

[SheFly]

Hugs to Mimi and Marni. I only hope that I could be half as courageous as the two of you if I were faced with similar situations.

Sending much love.
SheFly

[OakLeaf]

Dear 10-point buck who walked through my backyard this week,

It's already bow season, and people are gearing up for gun season. You and I both know that if people are interested in population management or feeding their families, they'll shoot your sisters and your girlfriends. But I don't know whether you realize that you look exactly like a trophy to a lot of people. Shooting you would be like stealing a Picasso from a museum so that no one else can enjoy it ... and people do that, too. Take a look at the survey flags, and stay on this side of them, okay?

[indysteel]

Oh, this makes me sad. Listen to Oak, Buck!!!!

[emily_in_nc]

Oh, this makes me sad. Listen to Oak, Buck!!!!

+1

And more hugs for Mimi and Marni, and wishes for strength going forward. Both of your situations are things I pray I never have to face.

[redrhodie]

(((Mimi))) I'm glad you're getting your health back. Keep taking care of yourself.

(((Marni))) Have you tried splitting your dose into 10mg twice a day? I hear that sometimes helps. What about Arimidex? Is that an option?

[Crankin]

Thinking of both of you, Mimi and Marni.

[snapdragen]

(((Mimi)))
(((Marni)))

++1

[divingbiker]

Mimi, I've been away from TE for a while, and just learned recently that RaleighDon had gone to that long bike ride in the sky. I'm so sorry for your loss, but am so glad you have lots of things to remember him by.

Marni, hang in there.

[Biciclista]

thanks Divingbiker. I think one of the reasons I am posting here is because I had NO IDEA what it would be like to lose my spouse. I mean, i knew it would hurt and be sad; but the sheer enormity of it all ; i had NO Idea. I had no idea that time would become meaningless, some things went too fast, some went too slow; and meanwhile, I forgot ALL sorts of things that happened before, during, after.... It has been the most significant thing that ever happened in my life. bigger waves than getting married or having a kid. SERIOUSLY!

anyway; I think comparatively, I am doing VERY Well. I am on a widow's forum and I give myself A's in comparison!

[Crankin]

Just a warning Mimi... beware of what you hear on a widow's forum. These types of groups are notorious for people who just never are able to heal. Not just widow's groups, but all kinds of groups on the internet. I've treated people who have become more depressed over their particular situation because of all of the negativity/misinformation they have heard on line. Of course you should give yourself an A.
Of course, I don't do any forums, except TE, as I just feel weird about it. But, when I lost my first baby at 8 months of pregnancy, I went to a group for grieving parents. After going to that, I kind of snapped out of my own grief. Really quickly. There were people there whose kids had died 10-20 years ago. I didn't want to be like them.
I know it's not the same, but your statement reminded of this and I hadn't thought of that group in years.

[alexis_the_tiny]

(((Mimi)))
(((Marni)))

Someone was telling me last night that after the darkness of every soul wrenching event in life, there's the joy of recovering from it and learning to bounce back.

[Biciclista]

well, that's probably why I look so good in comparison. I do get a lot of good out of it. They aren't going to make me any sadder, and I still do have to process my grief.
It just keeps coming in waves.. but there is more space between the waves now.
Interestingly, i had one woman pegged as the one who really wallowed in it, and in the last month I can see that even she is improving. There are whackjobs everywhere, but i think most of the people on the grief forum are simply people who lost their spouse and are in need of a little commonality. Your mother in law, cousin, father, friends just do NOT get it. It kinda takes one to know one.

[Catrin]

well, that's probably why I look so good in comparison. I do get a lot of good out of it. They aren't going to make me any sadder, and I still do have to process my grief.
It just keeps coming in waves.. but there is more space between the waves now.
Interestingly, i had one woman pegged as the one who really wallowed in it, and in the last month I can see that even she is improving. There are whackjobs everywhere, but i think most of the people on the grief forum are simply people who lost their spouse and are in need of a little commonality. Your mother in law, cousin, father, friends just do NOT get it. It kinda takes one to know one.

I am glad to hear that this forum is helping you. I've noted the same thing that Crankin mentioned which is why I normally avoid support groups online. The only other forum I really visit outside of TE is Mark's Daily Apple but that is something quite different. We are all in your cheering section, and I wish I lived closer to you so I could give you more personal support as a friend. I think you rock and and are one of the strongest women I know to have been able to deal with the loss of your beloved husband the way that you have.

[Crankin]

Dear Esteemed TE friends,
I can't remember where I wrote the thread about my BIL's fundraising efforts for his daughter who has leukemia, or what I called it. But, I wanted to give an update.
He's stopped talking to us and to his other 2 siblings because of our supposed "heartless cruelty." He called to tell DH about his "plan" to use the $ to help them buy a new house... because his daughter just has to have a new house to come home to, after her transplant. Retrofitting her room with an air filter was not good enough. OK, this has been his way of being since I've known him, but here's the good part. He can't sell his present house as he's under water. He can't get a cheaper car as he owes too much on that, too. DH tried to give him financial advice, like why don't you downsize? He has a good job and benefits, but in his eyes, well, the "economy is bad, everyone is underwater, so what." He's come up with some kind of scam to get the new house, mostly spending all of his retirement so the daughter won't have to be known as the "cancer kid," according to him. He says he will pay 2 mortgages until the present home sells. He got furious when we said we pay cash for our cars, even though they are nice, because we wait ten years to get new ones and basically pay ourselves to save up. He blamed that on me, like you had 2 incomes and only 2 kids and I have one income and 3 kids :eek:. We discussed choices and decisions... he said it's all Obama's fault :eek::eek:.
We said that family support, friends, and faith should get them through this, and yes, while we can't imagine what they are going through, money does not buy happiness. DH suggested all of it is to make him feel better, as he has always done this. My FIL, FIL's sister, and sister's son all have/had bipolar d/o and I've always suspected BIL does, too. The crazy spending and scams are bordering on mania. He is getting counseling and is on an antidepressant, but I doubt he told the prescriber about the family history... antidepressants can cause mania to get worse. He describes being sad, can't sleep, etc, but no matter what we say, we're evil.
We really wanted to help, by giving advice, but he can't hear us. I feel badly for his wife and all of the kids.

[Biciclista]

thanks Catrin! If a forum isn't aggressively run by a nutcase, generally, normal people can interact there too.

Uh, Crankin,
that BIL of yours sounds like someone I would want to stay far far away from.. YIKES. what makes him think a new house will make his daughter's cancer go away?
I bet she'd rather be with her daddy than watch the whole family going mad with money schemes. YUCK

[OakLeaf]

Wow Crankin. That makes me so sad for everyone involved. Especially your niece obviously, but everyone else too (including you for having to deal with it). Ugh.

[shootingstar]

well, that's probably why I look so good in comparison. I do get a lot of good out of it. They aren't going to make me any sadder, and I still do have to process my grief.
It just keeps coming in waves.. but there is more space between the waves now.
Interestingly, i had one woman pegged as the one who really wallowed in it, and in the last month I can see that even she is improving. There are whackjobs everywhere, but i think most of the people on the grief forum are simply people who lost their spouse and are in need of a little commonality. Your mother in law, cousin, father, friends just do NOT get it. It kinda takes one to know one.

You're giving yourself time to process but you're here. :) where some of us grieve more privately but know that life surges ahead. We just know that it's ok to step aside and sit down quietly before continuing onward.

[Crankin]

DH told me this morning that he never told me, but that he has seen stuff on the net, written by the niece with leukemia... all stuff stating and showing what kind of luxurious house she wants (with pictures as examples) and lots of stuff about what type of hot guy she wants to marry. I guess she has absorbed her family values by age 15. I just watched a thing on Today show about the over-sexualization, etc of teens/girls and its relation to social media.
This is more upsetting to me than it should be. I consider myself to be quite progressive and I wasn't exactly the poster girl for good behavior at age 15. But, somehow, I knew money didn't solve all.

[Scrappy]

Dear Soon-to-be-X-Husband who decided to leave 4 weeks before my ACL reconstruction surgery, (which is happening this week! 10/25)

The transmission in the car went out (I told you it was going for months) and now you are stuck 1200 miles away and need a ride home? And all of your so-called friends (oh yeah, the 1 you have) won't make the drive out to get you? And the train won't allow you to board with your 4 bags of smelly, diesel soaked, work clothes? So now you call me to come get you? And then you want to drive MY jeep instead for an undetermined amount of time and put 1,000's more miles on the poor old thing until you figure out what you want to do about another vehicle? Hmmmmm....

[indysteel]

((((Scrappy)))). I assume you said no. I'm truly sorry you're going through this.

[Biciclista]

Scrappy JUST SAY NO!!!!!

[malkin]

Absolutely, say no and mean it!

[Catrin]

Scrappy - hang in there, say no and don't allow him to change your mind. It saddens me to hear you having to go through this.

[Scrappy]

Thank you for the support ladies. (((((HUGS)))) I wish I could say NO but he's essentially got me by the proverbial tail. In this case it's the financial tail. He knows I can't work or otherwise earn an income (I'm a massage therapist) for at least 6-8 weeks after the surgery, and we burned through all of my cash savings earlier this year replacing windows in the house. He's threatened to change his paycheck to another account that I have no access to and my son and I still have to survive somehow. So I'm stuck with the situation.

One thing is for sure, I am never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever getting married again.

[OakLeaf]

(((((Scrappy))))) Talk to your lawyer. Most states, child support should be set up very soon after the papers are filed, and has to be taken directly out of his paycheck.

I don't know which knee you're having done, but even if it's the left knee and your car has an automatic transmission, I don't think they'll want you to drive right after the surgery. Get a doctor's excuse and use it.

[indysteel]

If memory serves, this is Scrappy's son from a previous relationship. Short of her husband having adopted him, I don't know that support is an option. I'm sorry that he's doing this to you. It's shameful. Wanting out of a marriage is one thing, but there are better and worse ways to take leave. He's obviously chosen the low road. May his bad karma catch up with him.

[marni]

Dear Tamoxifen,

Bye Bye, so long and farewell- for two months at least.

Had my mammogram and ultrasound today and everything came back clear. Yay for 1 year and 4 months.

Had a long talk with the Dr. who opined that since the cancer causing the mastectomy was none invasive and since it was giving me so many problems, that I should try going off the tamoxifen for a couple of months and see if things improve. If they do then there is one set of options, if they don't then there are other options. At any rate this is all hopeful.

Thank you everyone for listening to me whine and moan about the tamoxifen poisoning and general lack of progress in all things physical, endurance, mental and emotional.

[indysteel]

Yay, marni! I hope you start feeling better soon!

[Crankin]

Two weeks to go until my exam. There's a very real chance I won't pass. I know the material (been studying like crazy). It's the way the test is set up. It does not mimic real life professional practice. It's hard for me to explain, but when I meet someone and do an assessment, I consider everything and get history about everything. On this test, this is not the case. It's really tripping me up. I signed up for a site on the web where I can do tons of simulations and get test taking tips, but with such a short amount of time, who knows.
Why does the Commonwealth of MA require this test, when other states just require the one where it's just 200 multiple choice questions about theory, diagnosis, treatment, etc.
Well, I know the answer to this one, actually.

[OakLeaf]

Yay marni for the clear tests and for your doctor's "blessing!" Hope you start feeling better soon.

Good luck Crankin! You've made it this far - I'd bet on you any day.

[malkin]

Give it your best shot Crankin--if you have to retake, you'll have the experience once already.

Marni-Hooray for great news!!

[azfiddle]

Good luck Crankin'- you are doing everything you need to prepare so go in strong and confident, and like Malkin says- if worst comes to worst, you will have a better idea of what to expect for next time.

[azfiddle]

Dear Celtic Festival organizers: Today is October 23. The festival is November 5 & 6. I'm looking forward to performing but I have a few other things to fit in during the weekend. Is it too much to ask for you to write back with a clue about our schedule performance times?

[Catrin]

Crankin - good luck on the exam! Hang in there, you have the experience and it will soon be behind you.

Dear Weather Gods,

Please let Saturday be a bit warmer than forecast. All of these lovely summer-like temps this week and I've been unable to ride since the weekend because I don't get off work until 90 minutes before dark - and it takes me about 30 minutes to just get home. I want to ride my bicycle BADLY, but my body isn't quite ready yet to ride in low 50's/high 40's just yet. I will though if I need to. I have clothes for that ;)

Thank you for listening,

Catrin

[withm]

Dear Sandy

Now would be a good time to take a right turn.

Thanks,
Martha

[Sky King]

Dear Body,

Humans do not hibernate so no need to build up fat for winter. We do not need to eat everything in sight just because it is cold, rainy and foggy

[emily_in_nc]

Good luck, Crankin! I feel sure you will pass your exam.

[Crankin]

Why is a hurricane coming when my DH is away???

[Blueberry]

Dear Neighbors:

Have we done something to offend you? We're so happy you bike, and that you're teaching your kiddo to bike. But - did you have to give him a horn and let him ride up and down the street for hours blasting it? We can hear it inside our house, and it's really, really difficult to concentrate. DH is trying to work from home, and I'm trying to study. Please, please stop the honking!

[emily_in_nc]

OMG, Blueberry...how rude is that? I can't believe the parents of this young lad can tolerate the noise either. Crazy! I hope it's a flash in the pan and he tires of it quickly, or they do. Otherwise, you might have to speak up. Your studying and your DH's working from home certainly give you a good reason to do so (not that you need one other than the noise driving you BATTY!) :eek:

[lph]

Dear big national newspaper,

seriously?? You have a 4 page article about doping in professional road biking, and link in to it on the front page with a photo of a mountain bike and a guy wearing rugged shoes, thick wool socks, and generic, obviously non-pro clothing?

Hey, a cyclist's a cyclist, right? I can't wait for the next doping scandal in competitive running, to see the hiker in rugged boots you then put on the front page.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I have not been on TE in about 6 months, stopped by to say hi.
Nice to see everyone.
I was so, so saddened to hear of Mimi's terrible loss.

I have ridden my bikes a few times this year, but not as much as I used to. I did give them both a thorough cleaning last month however, I still maintain them in good working order.
At 58 now, I've incorporated some other exercises into my life to get back into shape and hopefully lose a few pounds too- I am doing fitness walks again, also a couple of 3 hour contra dances per month, and started yoga 3x/week a couple months ago as well. This works well for me, and the yoga and walking in particular are already making some much needed changes in how I feel and how my body is working. I am grateful to have my general good health.

Enough work comes in to get along ok. Playing lots of music still. Had a great year in the veggie garden, with TONS of tomatoes. My 4 hives of honeybees are doing well- I harvested 42 pounds of honey this past week, will have plenty for ourselves next year and some gifts too.

Was taken by surprise by the new look of the TE forums... =8-o but my password still worked.
Warm wishes to everyone. :)

[OakLeaf]

Lisa! Good to see you. Glad life is good.

[Crankin]

So nice to see you here, Lisa.
I didn't ride as much this year, either. A lot, but considerably less than the past 2 years. Funny thing is, I am fitter from the other stuff I do now (boot camp, a little running), but I still "miss" my bike terribly when I want to be riding, but I don't have time.
Hope the storm stays away from you!

[Catrin]

Lisa, it is great to see you! I've missed you here.

I've noticed the same thing that you and Crankin have. I am fitter, feel better, and am far more flexible from all of the things I started doing this year (high intensity training/crossfit) than when I was riding a gazillion miles a week. I don't have time to ride more than twice a week, and I do miss it. However my body feels so much better that I can't/wont argue with it. Riding has become more recreational/fun and I do enjoy that change. My body feels far more balanced these days. Thinking about adding geocaching to get me out there in the winter weather.

Hopefully the storm will miss you!

[alexis_the_tiny]

Dear life,

The last month has been HARD. And it's still hard. I'm glad you gave me a swift boot to the behind to get myself together, to seek out new friends and I am glad to have found kindred spirits in people I'd otherwise never have connected with if you had not put this in my life. But, I am still sad. I am sad because there is no longer anyone whom I have been friends with long enough to have my back unconditionally. I am sad because I don't know how to stem the immense loneliness and isolation I still feel at 3 in the morning every morning. I know this is where you are giving me a chance, an opening, to finally become the person I've always wanted to become. But I wish it didn't involve so much sadness, loneliness or isolation. Or the many times I wonder whether whatever is going on now will last forever. I know that one day, it will change, I will not feel like that forever. But in those hours when I wake up far too early and cannot go back to sleep, I can't make myself believe it.

[emily_in_nc]

alexis: Sorry that you are hurting. Have you seen this book? Sounds like it might be a good read for you:

http://www.amazon.com/Lonely-Learning-Solitude-Emily-White/dp/B005UVTK9G/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_S_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=2X1BJLHQEEORF&coliid=IDVG4XIO9EK02

Lisa: So happy to see you here! It's been awhile, and I wondered where you'd gone off to. I remember all your beautiful photographs more than anything...and your cool Sheila Moon skirts! Funny the things that stick with a person. Glad you're doing well! Sounds like your life is well-rounded.

We are in Belize, have been for the past 14+ months, but are looking forward to moving back to the US next year. It's been fun, but we've had enough of living in an island "paradise". Most of all, we miss road cycling. Here it's all beach cruisers as there are very few paved roads, and the ones that are paved are bumpy, cobblestones, etc. We took a great trip to the US in August and got to do some excellent cycling. Anyway, hope you'll maybe hang around here a bit more often. We talk about a lot besides cycling, as you know! I am doing yoga down here as well -- love it!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Thank you ladies. :)

Re: yoga...
Never in a million years would I thought I'd be doing yoga regularly, but here I am three times a week, for about 3 months already now.

Like some of you I'm noticing that yoga is making me much more flexible and increasing muscle strength while adding range of motion to all my connecting tissues and joints. Biking has never done that, biking's been more of a leg muscle and cardio/lung help. This regular yoga stretching and weight bearing is changing how my body feels in ways nothing has ever done before. Amazing! I don't think i'd notice it much if i was doing only one class a week though. I spent the first 6 weeks in almost constant soreness as my body started adapting. Now not as bad, more of a pleasant soreness.

I also like the ritual of going to class and sitting in a roomful of people together. Hard to have that kind of self discipline to do it at home regularly. I'm not in it for the spiritual aspect (I'm an agnostic), but it's calming and pleasurable in other ways to me. My whole spine especially from head to tailbone is just loving yoga- the twists and stretches are feeling sooooo good! Even my fitness walking and contra dancing cant' twist and stretch me like yoga does, and my body is thanking me in the mornings when I first wake up. This in itself is a big thing for a 58 year old woman- to feel no creaking in the morning!
We can't out run Father Time, but no sense giving him a head start. ;)

[Crankin]

I agree, Lisa. I just don't have time to go to yoga regularly, but a few years ago I went 2X a week and it made a huge difference. That's one of my goals when I get my license, and an ever more part time job than the one I have now.
Priorities, right?

[indysteel]

Welcome back, Lisa! So glad to hear you're doing well!

Thanks for the inspiration. I have been practicing yoga since 2006. I used to go to three or four classes a week, one of which was 2 hours. When I moved in 2009, I had to cut back a bit, usually to one or two classes a week because it just wasn't as convenient. I know my practice has suffered. After your post, I decided to see if there are any new studios in my area. I found one that had recently changed ownership and offers a $5 community heated class on Sunday afternoons. Anyway, I went today and had a fabulous class! It was just what I needed after raking leaves all weekend. So thanks!!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Wow Indy, that's so neat to hear! Yay!

[solobiker]

Nice to see you are back Lisa. I too have not been on the bike much this season. I was only able to ride about 5x then my back went out. I was in PT for about 7 weeks and it is feeling better. I have been doing some yoga, I should do more.

I have been keeping busy with running, walking and hiking. When I am not doing those or working I have been playing around in our wood shop with my scroll saw and lathe.

I also want to say Be Safe to everyone in the path of Sandy.

Sorry my message is a littly choppy...I am getting tired and need to get to bed because I have to be up b 430am for work.

[Owlie]

Hi, Lisa! :D

I love yoga, though I too don't care so much about the spiritual aspect. The only problems right now are that I'm not disciplined enough for the DVDs, and I can't afford classes. When I did take a class, I had a really hard time taking the instructor seriously, because she'd say things like "Imagine your breath as a luminous crystal mist." There was no way I could take that seriously.

[shootingstar]

After standing and doing some art for several hrs. each day this weekend and plus ongoing soreness, I did some simple yoga and Pilates. I am really stiff...... I found yoga helpful for learning also how to breathe properly and how to consciously slow down.

[indysteel]

Owlie, I sometimes work with teachers who offer some "take" on yoga instruction that just doesn't reasonate with me. I've learned, over time, to take what I need and leave the rest. So long as the actual yoga instruction is sound, i.e., they aren't telling me to do things that will hurt my body, I can generally tune out the rest.

[skhill]

Dear local congressional candidates:
All you two have done with your vicious ads and mailings is convince the voters that neither of you is fit to hold office. So many of us wish "none of the above" was an option.

Dear candidate who is a member of the same church as me:
You're such a hypocrite. You talk about making sure gay couples can't have legal recognition of their marriages, yet you are perfectly friendly to the gay couple who sit in the next pew to you every Sunday. What's up with that?

[lph]

I had a really hard time taking the instructor seriously, because she'd say things like "Imagine your breath as a luminous crystal mist."

(At least she said "Imagine". We have a yoga instructor at work, a friendly, laidback, nice guy, on the verge of saying stuff like that all the time, but obviously trying to rephrase it to make it palatable to a bunch of obsessively hardnosed bureaucrats. I only heard him slip once, when he told us to "Breathe! Through your spine... well, you can't actually do that of course, but think about it!" :D )

Dear houseguest that was and to be,
I truly am sorry if you now feel upset or unwelcome. But in my books staying a week is a long time. You just did, and doing it again a month later is a big thing to ask. But I guess I could have been more polite.

[Crankin]

Dear Concord Power and Light,

Thank you! Even though I don't particularly love some things about my town, I appreciate the small town efficiency of a local municipal utility company, because my friends in the next town are still without power and dealing with a monolithic power company.

[Biciclista]

To whom it may concern

!! !!! !!! !! !! !!!!
now THAT's weather!!!!

[shootingstar]

Hope it gets better next wk. (which is expecting alot for the Seattle area). Dearie and I will be there for 2 days.

[Biciclista]

Are you serious? I wasn't talking about OUR weather!! I was talking about SANDY

[marni]

dear crankin

guess who didn't have Concord Power and Light some years ago when the notorious "april Fools ice storm hit." Fortunately Philips coffee,where I worked, and the elementary school do in the center of town had electricity so during the day the kids and I were warm and could get a hot meal of sorts. In the evenings candles and our fireplace did stalwart duty for 10 days as we slept around it at night. Fortunately it was not mid winter and bitter cold or I don't know what we would have done.

marni resident of Acton from 1990-2001

[SheFly]

Dear Marni - I remember that storm all too well! We had no power for less time here in Bedford - only 3 days, but it seemed like an eternity. Now we have a generator, just in case. Very grateful we didn't have to use it this week.

SheFly

[Crankin]

Hi Marni,
If I was more technologically competent, I would scan and post the picture I have of DS #2 building a huge snowman in the April Fools's storm. He was about 13, right before he started cycling :). I was lucky then, too. We lived in Boxborough, which also has a small local utility (Littleton Electric). We never lost power.
BTW, Phillips has yet again been sold. But, I got the scoop when I was getting my hair done at Moodz. It was bought at the height of the recession by a young couple, but I guess they got divorced and although they tried running it together after the divorce, it didn't work out, although they were successful, business wise. An older (i.e. our age) man owns it now. Plan to stop by next week, as I have a client in Littleton, and it's on the way.
And also BTW, my son, Josh, does remember working with you, although he told me he was always coming in when you were going home. That job taught him a lot. He makes a mean espresso. Oy, he's a "big macher" (Yiddish) now; he just got a new job where he'll be opening the Boston office of a language translation company based out of SF. I am pretty sure he learned a lot of those people skills at the coffee shop.

[marni]

the thig that was so frustrating about that 10 day interval was that the street behind us, school street had electricity and so did route 2 and the auto action on the other side. For some reason we were lost in balck hole because the power grid map didn't show our local transformer as being off line. I'm sll for campingout and roughing it in controlled conditions but that was the pits. How bad was it? The first thingmy husband told the realtor we absolutely had to have in our house in Houston was a fireplace!

even in mid winter, the most I wear is socks and a light sweatshirt.

la how times have changed.

sounds like your son is doing well. Good news that. Nice to think that Philips was a good influence on him.

[azfiddle]

Dear self-
What in the world were you thinking? Putting your phone on top of a counter in a small bathroom? Next to ... yup.... the toilet. Now you have an expensive paperweight. And a lot of missing phone numbers. And stuff like that. And it was handy that the DH had a spare phone but it's just not the same....

[Fredwina]

Sandy was really a SuperStrom!
I didn't get hit much by Sandy until yesterday morning. I 'm supposed to have program up and running by Tues night to distrubute money to 500K Folks in NYC who lost their food, with more to come, as the inital batch is folks who already on TANF(Welfare) and Food Stamps. And we're supposed to start HEAP(Heating assitance) soon - Hopefully I can get my bent out one day this weekend, as this looks to be the last good one this year (Maybe I shoud rent a bike in Memphis next time I'm down there Xmas)

[Crankin]

I heard it might snow on Wednesday.
Of course. The day I take my exam.

[OakLeaf]

We had snow on Tuesday. But not much, not really enough to affect the roads at all. Hope that's all you get. Good luck on your exam. I know you'll do fine.

[Biciclista]

to whom it may concern; NJ needs more electricians!

A friend of mine in NJ STILL has a live wire laying in her driveway!!!!

[Fredwina]

The good news: we only have to issue 350,000 checks by Tuesday!
The bad news: More checks to come, and yours truly gets to write the program, which needs to be ready by Tuesday. Had it ready to go yest afternoon, but we had a last minute change of specs- which means work instead of riding this weekend (no good place to store bike) Maybe i'll walk over.
Mimi- I imagine the situation in NJ is bad, too. We're working on Food Stamps - the idea being is that initial batch will be for people to feed themselves, and my program will distribute money to replace stoves. fridges, etc. hey -i'm working and the money should pay for my rental car next time i'm in Memphis(unless I get lucky and land a job there!)

[Sky King]

Silly Girl thinking you should take the green machine to the Dr so you could throw the purse in the basket. All well and fine until the return trip with the fire department blowing out/checking hydrants and you without fenders. Now to go change socks and pants...

[Becky]

Dear self-centered coworker:

I know that my conversation with K. about work-related computer stuff was not important to you and that your conversation about your out-of-town guests was important to you. But that does not give you the right to interrupt my conversation and force me out of K's office. K, I'm not real happy with you either...considering that you never stand up to this self-centered coworker.

Luv,
Angry

[salsabike]

Silly Girl thinking you should take the green machine to the Dr so you could throw the purse in the basket. All well and fine until the return trip with the fire department blowing out/checking hydrants and you without fenders. Now to go change socks and pants...

Sky King, that's funny. Hope you're now warm and dry. :)

[malkin]

Dear Family

Just because the holidays are coming, there is no reason to open the gates and let the crazy flood out.

[Blueberry]

Dear Family

Just because the holidays are coming, there is no reason to open the gates and let the crazy flood out.

Dear Malkin:

Sadly, this lack of inhibition seems to affect all families this time of year. Please do what you need to to take care of yourself (and I'll keep reminding myself to do the same!).

Good luck:)

[Irulan]

Dear self-
What in the world were you thinking? Putting your phone on top of a counter in a small bathroom? Next to ... yup.... the toilet. Now you have an expensive paperweight. And a lot of missing phone numbers. And stuff like that. And it was handy that the DH had a spare phone but it's just not the same....

Did you try the rice trick? You can save electronics that got wet by doing the following:
Put it in an open bag of (uncooked) white rice for several days. I have save $100 electronic key fobs, ipods, and digital cameras. I know of people that have saved cell phones, too.

[Catrin]

I've saved an iPod that went through the washing machine this way. I left it in the bag of rice for 2 weeks - probably overkill but it worked. It's not been quite the same since then but it works.

[OakLeaf]

Dear waitress,

I feel very strongly about workers in service industries and tipped employees in particular. I'm determined to singlehandedly :p bust the stereotype about women dining alone that you so obviously held. I understand that a table for one is almost as much work as a table for two. And frankly, I was doing some stereotyping myself about the tipping habits of the women at the next table (granted that stereotype was based as much on their conversation about the price of juice at three different grocery stores, as it was on their age and hairstyles :rolleyes:).

So I hope you were slightly pleasantly surprised that your rudeness didn't make me stiff you. But the next time I walk around the corner to "your" restaurant - alone or with others - I'm going to expect better service.

[skhill]

Dear owner of the red car that was parked in front of my driveway Saturday morning,

I hope you read the note I left on your windshield. To reiterate: what were you thinking? and you are damn lucky I didn't have you towed. But I was planning on going on bike Saturday, weather permitting, so I didn't need to get my car out of the driveway. Also, I figured you didn't need to have to pay the $200 or so it would cost to get your car back; if you are the person I think, you don't have it to spare. And it's not like the car would have been towed before I needed to leave at 8 am anyway.

(The new bike rack at the cathedral Saturday morning was pretty full, and I'm glad that I kept pestering people to get one. We consecrated a new bishop, and parking is tight there. 6 of the 900ish people came by bike, and that's something!)

[Sky King]

Dear Daughter, I am so proud of you.
Good job on calling security to remove the PIA woman complaining loudly about having to pay $15 for her Oxycodone while you are on the phone taking a Cancer Doctor's credit card number to pay for the $500 worth of Chemo drugs for the little kid that was sitting there puking while his mom has tears running down her face because she has no way to pay for the drugs. You handled it way better than I would have. Sending positive thoughts to the universe that the little kid recovers and thank god their are compassionate people in this world.

[malkin]

Dear neck,
Stop hurting.

Dear body,
Stop working on your laptop from the rocking chair.
love, your neck.

[indysteel]

Dear Itty Bitty Kitty, we'll miss you bunches. Be good for your new humans, but you'll always have a home with us if it doesn't work out.

[snapdragen]

Dear body - stop falling apart, m'kay? I really don't want more surgery.

[Catrin]

Dear body - stop falling apart, m'kay? I really don't want more surgery.

I hope you are feeling better soon Snap - with no new surgery!


Dear Itty Bitty Kitty, we'll miss you bunches. Be good for your new humans, but you'll always have a home with us if it doesn't work out.

I hope this works out for Itty Bitty Kitty Indysteel, but it is great that she has a fall-back if it doesn't work out. It is so hard sometimes to know the best choices for our furry babies!

Malkin - I hear you! My neck tends to make similar unreasonable demands...

[Catrin]

Heading out to my family for Christmas, and there is a fair number of mountains between here and there. They are forecasting 6 inches of snow here on the day I need to return...hopefully they are wrong.

Dear family - looking forward greatly to seeing you, let's have a stress-free Christmas, ok? This will be the first time in decades (literally) that I've been home for the holiday. I don't want it to be my last...

Wishing all here a very happy holiday!

[OakLeaf]

Snap - sure hoping you can be comfortable without more surgery.

Catrin - safe travels and well-behaved family. :)

May as well say Merry Christmas now, since Hanukkah and Solstice are already past. Hope everyone had/will have a happy winter holiday, whatever you celebrate!

[Crankin]

Dear DS,
We actually had a good visit... I am very proud of you. And, I actually saw some glimpses of the irreverent kid I used to know. When I really think about it, you've been in a controlled environment for almost nine years. So, welcome back to the civilian world. I am not worried about you.
Just don't ask me for any help with that calculus or Chinese.

[malkin]

...
Just don't ask me for any help with that calculus or Chinese...

The subjects are different here, but I certainly know that feeling!

[Crankin]

Here's a very rare picture of both of my kids and their spouses.
Together.

[malkin]

Looks like a good time!

[Owlie]

Great picture, Crankin.

Not-dear ETS,
You charged my credit card twice (that extra $50 is a lot of money for a grad student, you know!), and you tell me that "Sorry, we can't refund it." You lot are a bunch of a________s.
Hopefully this is the last time I ever have to deal with you.

[indysteel]

Great picture, Crankin.

Not-dear ETS,
You charged my credit card twice (that extra $50 is a lot of money for a grad student, you know!), and you tell me that "Sorry, we can't refund it." You lot are a bunch of a________s.
Hopefully this is the last time I ever have to deal with you.

Owlie, I'm not sure what ETS is, but I'd take the issue to your credit card company and dispute the charge that way.

[Owlie]

Owlie, I'm not sure what ETS is, but I'd take the issue to your credit card company and dispute the charge that way.

ETS is the lovely (hah) company that brought to you the SAT, the GRE, etc.

[tangentgirl]

Dear Bike - I miss you! We should hang out more. If it's not so windy today, wanna go do something?

[Catrin]

I hear you Tangentgirl!

Dear eyeglass chain who will remain unnamed,

I've been bringing in these frames for almost a solid year. I look at them and they warp. I turn my back, and one of the lens will fall out. Every 2-3 weeks they need adjusting, or tightening, or the lenses pop out or... It has been very frustrating for both of us.

Today I went into one of your other locations when, once again, the frames decided to go out of true again for no apparent reason - and they were just adjusted 6 days ago. I am very careful with my glasses, I don't sleep in them, or sit on them, or drive over them. I take them on and off with both hands, and it has been frustrating. They weren't cheap either. Anyway, your OTHER location had a bright idea after hearing my tale of woe as she worked to adjust them. She is ordering me new frames since they are still under warranty. She wonders if there was a problem with them from the very beginning before I even got them, and why didn't you think of that and offer to replace them to see if the problem is ME or the actual frames? I certainly didn't think of that. She also explained to me why I've had such problems actually SEEING with this particular type of progressive lens and that you should have told me what it would be like to move from digital lenses back to traditional progressives (apparently for a lot of people this move doesn't work well).

Before I walked out of the door I scheduled my annual exam with them, and, hopefully, the new replacement frames will workout better so that I don't have to pay for new frames a year early as my insurance won't cover frames until 2014. I am sure you will breathe a sigh of relief that I won't return to your store.

[luvmyguys]

Dear Personality-challenged guy at the not-so-LBS,

Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that anyone who has ever helped me with a bike is a complete and utter idiot, and wouldn't know a seat tube from a derailleur. Let's assume that you are God's gift to the cycling world, and the only person who ever properly fit someone to a bike. Let's also assume that you are correct that if the standover height works, nothing else matters and you can fit anyone to anything. Do you really think, even on the slim-to-none chance that you are correct, that you're doing yourself any favors by going off like that about a bike that's already been bought, and one that I am completely, utterly happy with? Do you really think that's going to endear us to you and the chain you represent, when we plunk down another $2K on dh's bike?

Thought not.

[emily_in_nc]

Dear Clueless Woman in Polaris,

Obviously your eye roll and stating to your husband that "They don't have any idea where they're going" when my DH and I on bikes turned into the gravel road to the large, not-yet-built subdivision here was said loudly enough that it was meant more for our benefit than for his. But really, I'd like to educate you:

1. Yes we did know where we were going.
2. We ride there all the time; it's one of the best roads on the entire island.
3. We live here so we actually aren't nearly as clueless as you obviously are.
4. All bike rides don't have to have a destination.
5. Riding for fitness and recreation can be an end in itself.
6. You should get off your lazy azz and try it sometime.

Sheesh! :mad:

[indysteel]

I like number 6 on your list, Emily! Lol!

[Crankin]

They sound like super azzholes to me.

[Catrin]

They sound like super azzholes to me.

Yep - and she obviously didn't expect you to respond to her. Not that anything good would have come out of that...

[emily_in_nc]

Yep - and she obviously didn't expect you to respond to her. Not that anything good would have come out of that...

Exactly. As I rode away shaking my head I said (under my breath). "Yes we do, B*TCH." Not loud enough for her to hear, but I have to admit, it did bother me for the first half of the ride, for some reason. I realized I shouldn't give a rat's azz what a clueless loser like her thought, so I moved on to more productive thinking for the rest of the ride, while filing the experience away to add to this thread later. :D

Ignorant people who think they know it all just irk the he** out of me, though. Thanks for the support, friends!

[Pax]

Dear Weather Gods,

More snow, seriously? Just stop it.

Thanks,

Ready for summer

[Catrin]

(I somehow posted this in the meals thread, unsure how that happened, so am moving it here where it belonged)

It is sad to lose two special women in a week's time. Both are in my church, and indeed I was present when they were formally brought into the Orthodox Church, both were over 70 at the time. These ladies were like my surrogate mom and aunt, and one of them just remarried less than a year ago! One was buried last Friday, the other died that same day and her funeral was yesterday. They will be sorely missed, two classy ladies with a kind word and generous heart for everyone they met and were more alive and vibrant than many half their age. I aspire to be like them should I live so long!

[skhill]

And on the topic of funerals... I didn't know the gentleman well, just to say hi and chat a bit at coffee hour at church. But everyone who knew Charlie knew his dog Bitsy (an elderly black lab). He didn't bring her to church on Sundays, but did to his bible study on Tuesdays! Bitsy was included among the survivors in the obituary in the newspaper, and quietly sat in her reserved pew at the funeral this morning. She even came forward at communion, and received a blessing.

There was something else notable at the funeral: a pair of armed, uniformed fish and wildlife officers. Charlie had been a lifelong hunter, and had long worked with the dept of fish and wildlife on a variety of programs, so the officers had the honor of carrying the urn. Guns and a dog in the cathedral, what a day. And there are supposed to be real live camels showing up for Epiphany tomorrow...

[OakLeaf]

Oh, I'm so sorry for your losses.

I received the news that my high school typing teacher died last month, and even though I hadn't had any contact with him since I moved away from that school in 1974, and he married his widow after that, I was moved to send her a card. When my 12-year-old self learned that typing was a required subject I thought it was silly ... how wrong I was. Next to reading, there's NOTHING I learned in school that I've used so much in my life as typing. What an outsized influence that man turned out to have on my life.

[Crankin]

I can relate to the above, Oak. A few months ago, one of the Social Studies teachers from my middle school (the one I went to, not the one I taught at) died. He was not my teacher, but I knew him from student government. He was my former boyfriend's teacher and coach. I often thought this man disliked me and viewed him as typical jock guy. I also thought he was old when I knew him.
Turns out, he had worked for very many important social justice causes for his whole life. And he was the same age as my dad, which means he was in his forties when I knew him. I messaged my former boyfriend, as he lives in another state, and he was quite upset when I gave him the news. I guess my 13-14 year old self saw things in a rather distorted manner.

[skhill]

Dear makers of treadmills and other cardio equipment:

Don't you realize that the calorie counts you insist on showing are incredibly inaccurate? The only way it would have a chance of reflecting reality is if the user keeps her hands firmly placed on the heart rate sensors at all times, which of course is not practical when running. And anyway, why do you think that even an accurate calorie count would be of any use? If you're eating real food (food that doesn't come out of packages with (inaccurate) calorie listings), you're not going to really know how much you're taking in.

If you feel you must make calorie counts available, how about hiding them down some menu and leaving the display space for something useful like pace.

[snapdragen]

Dear hip, HA! You tried to scare me by making be think I was in for more surgery. Joke is on you sucker, you're getting more PT. And I just might go to the acupuncturist too, so there.

(I was sent up to Stanford to see a new ortho doc yesterday, I had an MRI a few weeks ago that showed a labral tear in my right hip. I was sure I was in for more surgery. Turns out he feels the majority of my problem is with a couple of different muscles - off I go for 8 weeks of PT. I'm absolutely thrilled, I did not want more surgery. New doc says 90% of the time, labral tears do not require surgery. Yay me.)

[indysteel]

Dear hip, HA! You tried to scare me by making be think I was in for more surgery. Joke is on you sucker, you're getting more PT. And I just might go to the acupuncturist too, so there.

(I was sent up to Stanford to see a new ortho doc yesterday, I had an MRI a few weeks ago that showed a labral tear in my right hip. I was sure I was in for more surgery. Turns out he feels the majority of my problem is with a couple of different muscles - off I go for 8 weeks of PT. I'm absolutely thrilled, I did not want more surgery. New doc says 90% of the time, labral tears do not require surgery. Yay me.)

Woot! I'm glad you can take a less invasive route. I hope PT sorts you out!

[OakLeaf]

Whew! Hope the PT goes well, Snap!

[SadieKate]

Dear Snap's Hip,

The rest of us know it's best not to mess with Snap. What took you so long?

~ SK

[SadieKate]

Dear Household Laundrymaid,

How could you be such a knucklehead and put my brand new Sporthill pants in the dryer?

[Owlie]

Dear grad programs,
Please, no emails with the subject line "Your application to Program X at School Y" that say "We got your application and everything has arrived." I'm pretty sure my heart stopped when I got the one from my first choice. :rolleyes:

[Catrin]

Dear hip, HA! You tried to scare me by making be think I was in for more surgery. Joke is on you sucker, you're getting more PT. And I just might go to the acupuncturist too, so there.

(I was sent up to Stanford to see a new ortho doc yesterday, I had an MRI a few weeks ago that showed a labral tear in my right hip. I was sure I was in for more surgery. Turns out he feels the majority of my problem is with a couple of different muscles - off I go for 8 weeks of PT. I'm absolutely thrilled, I did not want more surgery. New doc says 90% of the time, labral tears do not require surgery. Yay me.)

I just saw this - SO glad that it looks like PT will take care of your hip. Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!

[NbyNW]

Dear company that I asked for an informational interview 3 years ago,

Too little, too late. I've moved on.

Good luck to you.

[Blueberry]

Dear Apple:

I am SO not happy that my new (4 week old) iPad has rather suddenly started draining its battery very quickly and generating massive amounts of heat. I'm not pleased that I wasted 2 hours doing what your techs told me to do over the phone last night (while not doing my homework), that your genius bar now told me didn't have a shot in h3ll of fixing the issue. I am REALLY not pleased that I have to start all over with my device NOT from backups because you think that your operating system has corrupted itself in the 4 weeks I have owned the device. Or maybe it's an app - you're not sure - but they *shouldn't* be able to do that according to you. That's right - I get to set up each and every preference again, get all of my email accounts and calendars set back up, re-look up all of my wireless passwords, website passwords, etc., install each app separately, and hopefully get all of by data back on the iPad from iTunes separately. That *might* fix the problem - but you aren't even sure of that. Are you gonna do my homework for me while I waste all of this time on a device that outta be working? We purchased your products because they're supposed to work and they were supposed to *help* me with my classes.

Signed,

Wish I had stuck with paper and pencil

[tulip]

Is it a new ipad (the retina display one--I don't remember the number of the model) Blueberry? I was told outright that the new ones have battery overheating issues and it was suggested that I get the non-retina display model). Take it to the store and demand a refund or replacement--they will deal with you in person.

[lph]

Dear Body, or is it Mind I should be talking to,

will you please just figure it out and start working normally again? This random, unpredictable veering between lots of energy, and not being able to sleep or relax, and being so wiped-out you fall asleep at dinner parties is getting old. It's not that much to ask. Nights are for sleeping, days are for working, late afternoons are for getting a little exercise.

[Blueberry]

I have the 4 - which is not supposed to (from what I've heard) have as many problems with overheating as the iPad 3. We actually went to the store last night - that's where the "you must factory reset the device and start over" plan came from. They refused to talk about refunding or replacing because the "battery test" they performed showed no issues (and I do have Applecare +). I really, really wish they would offer me a refund at this point - I'm so far beyond frustrated. The odd thing is that it was fine - until it suddenly stopped getting good battery life and and started overheating. But - we went with Apple so my DH wouldn't have to be tech support. And now - I'm really quite disgusted at how they're handling it (which I patiently explained last night).

Any tips for getting them to offer a refund?

[OakLeaf]

Is there another Apple Store in your area? I've heard that support can really vary from store to store.

That stinks. Hope you get it resolved soon.

[tulip]

Any tips for getting them to offer a refund?

It was the 4 that I was told had the battery overheating issues, not the 3. I got the 3 because it was cheaper and the overheating comment helped me decide.

As for getting a refund, actually I don't think they would do that, but a replacement is certainly a reasonable solution. Keep talking to them. I have had success saying, "if you cannot help me resolve this problem, please tell me who is in a position to resolve it." It sucks to have to be a persistent, firm and somewhat biatchy customer, but eventually they might cut their losses and give you a replacement. I have had to put that hat on to resolve issues with my homeowner's insurance and a a lemon-dishwasher replacement recently--both were resolved in my favor, but it took alot of work! Keep going up the line. Start by calling the store manager today (ask straightaway for the manager) and calmly explain the situation, that you are disappointed with the product and the service, and that you want it resolved with a replacement right away so you can get on with your busy life. Being disappointed seems to work for some reason. You could always pull out the attorney card, too.

Go girl! Fight injustice wherever you find it, even at the Apple Store!

[OakLeaf]

Well, DH has a 3 and he got me a 4 for Christmas ... so we'll see which one explodes first ... :eek:

[Blueberry]

Tulip-

Thanks for the pep talk - I needed it today!

I wonder if you have the 2? When I bought mine in December, the only options were mini, 2 and 4. The 3 had a retina display, the old connector and, from what I hear, worse overheating problems. I wish they would actually differentiate the models a little more to make it easier to keep track of.

DH is going to monitor it - he thinks he can figure out what is causing the problem if it's software. The sucky thing is that Apple basically told me they think iOS has developed issues, and that that's what's causing the problem. So - who knows if it will happen again or not (they say unlikely - but they don't know why it happened this time).