How much do looks define your self-image?

[smilingcat]

I'm sorry but decided to delete my post. Just not comfortable sorta like airing dirty laundry.

[Aggie_Ama]

I'm sorry but decided to delete my post. Just not comfortable sorta like airing dirty laundry.

[Biciclista]

the older I get, the less my looks have to do with my self image.
I tell you what, it's a wonderful freedom!

when I was thirteen i used to stare in the mirror at my nose, convinced I looked like a troll and no boy would EVER like me!

[GLC1968]

I 100% agree with Sarah's post about appearance and 'hotness'. When I was in my 20's I had a girlfriend whom guys would fall all over themselves to talk to or date her. I once showed a photo of her to some of my guy friends (and my brother) and they didn't get it. They said she was cute, but certainly nothing special...until they met her in person. 20 minutes later, they too were in awe. It's not about looks...it's about attitude and how a person carries themselves and how they interact with others. Many women learn this later in life and therefore become hot at 30, 40, 50 or 60. Some never learn it.

Case in point: me. I am not hot. I never have been and probably never will be, but it has little to do with how I look and everything to do with how I feel about myself. I don't know how to be sexy. Even my husband teases me about it. I don't know how to learn and at this point, I think I'm too old to bother. I have all the confidence in the world when it comes to my abilities, my brain, my inner strength, etc...but physically? Yeah, that's a huge short-coming for me and it always has been. And outside of being a little more overweight than I was in my 20's - I pretty much look exactly the same. In fact, due to some necessary surgery, my smile is even better than it was back then. If I was hot at 21, I'd still be hot now at 41. Too bad I'm not.

[indysteel]

I 100% agree with Sarah's post about appearance and 'hotness'. When I was in my 20's I had a girlfriend whom guys would fall all over themselves to talk to or date her. I once showed a photo of her to some of my guy friends (and my brother) and they didn't get it. They said she was cute, but certainly nothing special...until they met her in person. 20 minutes later, they too were in awe. It's not about looks...it's about attitude and how a person carries themselves and how they interact with others.

I had a friend like that in college, too. There was just something about her. She was pretty, but people's reaction to went beyond that.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Wow, a lot of insightful, and beautiful, input on this thread. What an inspiration to read all this!

I guess we ALL struggle with wanting to feel beautiful or attractive both inside and outside, I am not immune to sometimes feeling physically unappealing in various ways either.
But my mother (who died 2 years ago) unfortunately led her life imprisoned by a sense of the all-important physical appearance. She was a great natural beauty. And yet, despite being born more 'beautiful' than 99.9% of other women, she constantly worried and fretted about her appearance and whether others would think she was physically beautiful- it deeply affected her whole life in various sad ways. Because her appearance was the most important aspect in how she felt about herself, she naturally thought that others felt the very same way in how they perceived her.
I suspect she would have successfully instilled the very same attitude in me if she weren't usually too busy fussing over her appearance to take the time to 'train' me.
The only good part of all this was that I was able to see in her life the consequences of this obsession about looks, and thus watch for the danger signs in myself.

[shootingstar]

Hey, Grog had no idea about the tv episodes. How interesting.

Zen, where did you get that tiara?
Speaking of which, one of my closest female friends for about 20 years, before she and I naturally parted ways, was in a Miss Canada beauty pageant. (Yea, it's true, some of the snippy stuff backstage. Waste of time.) Long after that event (which she didn't win and didn't care to because she was caught up in her university studies), she was with a bunch research colleagues in a downtown teaching hospital in Toronto where she did her work. There was a parade outside which included a Miss Canada regally in some car/float.... Her research colleagues hooted and mocked, made minor jokes.

She absolutely dared not to reveal that she was in the pageant once upon a time. She really wanted to do well on her pharmacology thesis based on her brainpower and work.

She also had 2 older sisters who were genuinely nice individuals...and they did each do part-time modelling. Last I heard one of them died of breast cancer recently.

In some sort of curious way, I would be interested in knowing/meeting her daughters..if they took upon their mother's need to constantly look good. One of them would be same age as my niece....a great young woman (can't you tell I'm a proud aunt?), whom I've never seen wear makeup at any dressy party event so far. I'm glad...no reason..she's with family.

Same for my partner's daughter. I'm secretly glad she drags in to visit us, looking dishevelled at times, but bohemian chic. I've only seen her wear makeup once after all these years. As soon my partner told me she was exploring feminist theories etc. when she was 16, I thought: GOOD!!!!! that's when eureka starts. Hopefully.

[Jolt]

To answer the original question, not a whole lot. I don't spend much time thinking about how I look, or doing things like makeup, keeping up with the latest fashions etc. (not that there's anything wrong with doing those things within reason). Just not really interested, and for me a lot of that stuff is just a pain so I only pay a lot of attention to it when I really need to (like certain professional situations or special occasions). I do like to look healthy, but that comes naturally from being active and eating reasonably well so it's not something I find myself thinking much about.

[Zen]

Zen, where did you get that tiara? .

I was last year's Queen of the Turtle Races

Really I was just trying it on at a store. I should have bought it. It was only $20 and you never know when you'll need one.