I think the average person wants to feel pretty or attractive on some level, but what that means probably differs from person to person. For some, they may be fixated on what society--or what they perceive society--sees as attractive. Others may see their attractiveness as a function of their fitness, energy, and overall health. Others may see it solely as something that you project from the inside. Still others may see it as a combination of all those things.

I will admit that I've been plagued at times with self-image problems. I've fixated, to greater on lesser degrees, on things that I perceive as being physically "wrong" with me. The best way that I can describe it is that there are days where my self image is extremely distorted. I've taken both healthy and unhealthy approaches to deal with these problems. It's taken me a long time to come to some degree of peace about it, and to be honest, I think it's something that I'll never entirely put to bed.

If you asked me on a good day whether my self esteem is based on my looks, I'd give an emphatic "no." But when I'm having an ugly day--and thankfully they don't happen all that often now--I feel like poo. For instance, I currently wear braces. I didn't have them as a kid, but I decided to get them as an adult to fix some functional and cosmetic issues that had long bothered me. Most days, I don't give them or my appearance with them much thought. On the days that my orthodontist wants to go over my progress by showing me all manner of unflattering pictures of both the inside and outside of my mouth, I just want to crawl under a rock. It usually takes me a day or two to rebound.

I'm not proud of this, necessarily, and to be honest, I don't usually talk about this stuff with anyone. I'd been in therapy for five years before I brought it up--and there was nothing else that I kept from her. So, at least for me, there's a lot of shame associated with these feelings.

I have to be VERY careful with this stuff when it comes to my boyfriend. While he's very complimentary, I don't want to rely on what he says or think too much, or at all. While I appreciate his compliments, the "solution" to these issues doesn't lie with affirmation from other people. It is up to me--and only me--to change my own thinking about myself.

Wow; I must really trust you ladies (and Mr. Silver ) to have just shared all that.......