Lph, to answer your question, my son could have cared less about the country club reception. We thought they would have *some* kind of party, but we pictured a casual, fun party, maybe with a DJ. He told us "it's what she wants," and while he didn't say he felt pressured, he acted resigned to the fact, even after trying to convince her otherwise. And, this set the stage. I mean, she didn't even wear her wedding ring, just her engagement ring for 9 months, and acted like they were preparing for the wedding, and not married yet. When my son didn't wear his wedding ring at karate class and some women hit on him, she went nuts and insisted he put it on. The thing is, I really liked her until all of this.
You know, I don't know if I agree with the statement, "kids always come first." While both DH and I would have done anything for our kids, our relationship always came first. Of course, I am not divorced. There are situations in divorced/blended families that are different, but holding a grudge against a parent for remarrying over decades, seems harsh. If a divorced parent who does not have physical custody ignores his or her kid, that's bad, too. But, I see too many parents who forget about their spouses until their kids are 18 or 21 and then wonder why there's nothing left to the marriage. It's hard work to be a parent and even harder to do it alone. Ideally, divorced parents still need to work together for the good of the kids, even if they don't like each other. Parents need to shape up and act like adults, for the good of the kids in these cases. But that doesn't mean you can't remarry and be happy when you have kids.