My step daughter, age 36, is getting married for the first time. She's marrying a man who has a couple of kids. Both have good careers, she is a nurse & he's a firefighter. Our relationship with her isn't particularly close. We've tried to be close, helped support her financially during her nursing school, etc. But she tends to be moody & we've decided to not play the game unless/until she wants to talk. We are cordial and are available but just not involved with the drama. BTW, never received a thank you for the financial support - it felt like it was expected of us. This was just a few years ago.

So, the question is about paying for the wedding. Given her age, the fact that we've already laid out big $$$ for her, they both have secure jobs, etc., we aren't sure how much we should do. I thought that maybe we'd buy her wedding dress & give her cash - $500 to $1,000 - but that even seems like too much. We've been hit with some big financial stuff - so money isn't plentiful right now. Regardless, my angst is that (1) she's been downright mean to her father & won't say what's going on (2) I don't want to seem like we're buying her affections (not that we could, given the school support we laid out) (3) they're not kids.

I want to do the right thing - whatever that is. DH has said he'd go along with whatever I decide. I'm really torn. I do like her and wish that our relationship could be closer, but in the 21 years that DH and I've been together, that hasn't happened. She is very close to her mother & may have some residual anger about the divorce (which happened 27 years ago) even though he paid child support plus whatever else she wanted/needed. Part of me is also tired of playing the game.

She hasn't even decided when or where they're getting married, how big the wedding will be, etc. I imagine we'll be one of the last ones to know because that's how things usually happen.

Advice please!! I really don't know what is appropriate.