I can't say I know her situation. But she sounds a lot like the kids in my family ended up, in some ways - and I don't think she'll be happy one way or another with a monetary gift. Because to me it sounds like she's missing the idea of family and a close relationship with her father. So you can give a lot, and get another "slap in the face," or you can give just a little, and she will bad mouth you, but you can't at this point give her what she really wanted. She'd need therapy to straighten that out. Not saying you and your husband were bad parents - you could have been perfect but her mom may have skewed her viewpoint anyway. But my whole adult life my dad has just given money and it just doesn't buy him the father position he wants but can't figure out. I now know his best effort is what it is, but he just doesn't know me and doesn't know how to. And like in your family, his wife comes first, so now any extra effort on my part hardly seems worth it.