Dear So and So

[Biciclista]

well, that's probably why I look so good in comparison. I do get a lot of good out of it. They aren't going to make me any sadder, and I still do have to process my grief.
It just keeps coming in waves.. but there is more space between the waves now.
Interestingly, i had one woman pegged as the one who really wallowed in it, and in the last month I can see that even she is improving. There are whackjobs everywhere, but i think most of the people on the grief forum are simply people who lost their spouse and are in need of a little commonality. Your mother in law, cousin, father, friends just do NOT get it. It kinda takes one to know one.

[Catrin]

well, that's probably why I look so good in comparison. I do get a lot of good out of it. They aren't going to make me any sadder, and I still do have to process my grief.
It just keeps coming in waves.. but there is more space between the waves now.
Interestingly, i had one woman pegged as the one who really wallowed in it, and in the last month I can see that even she is improving. There are whackjobs everywhere, but i think most of the people on the grief forum are simply people who lost their spouse and are in need of a little commonality. Your mother in law, cousin, father, friends just do NOT get it. It kinda takes one to know one.

I am glad to hear that this forum is helping you. I've noted the same thing that Crankin mentioned which is why I normally avoid support groups online. The only other forum I really visit outside of TE is Mark's Daily Apple but that is something quite different. We are all in your cheering section, and I wish I lived closer to you so I could give you more personal support as a friend. I think you rock and and are one of the strongest women I know to have been able to deal with the loss of your beloved husband the way that you have.

[Crankin]

Dear Esteemed TE friends,
I can't remember where I wrote the thread about my BIL's fundraising efforts for his daughter who has leukemia, or what I called it. But, I wanted to give an update.
He's stopped talking to us and to his other 2 siblings because of our supposed "heartless cruelty." He called to tell DH about his "plan" to use the $ to help them buy a new house... because his daughter just has to have a new house to come home to, after her transplant. Retrofitting her room with an air filter was not good enough. OK, this has been his way of being since I've known him, but here's the good part. He can't sell his present house as he's under water. He can't get a cheaper car as he owes too much on that, too. DH tried to give him financial advice, like why don't you downsize? He has a good job and benefits, but in his eyes, well, the "economy is bad, everyone is underwater, so what." He's come up with some kind of scam to get the new house, mostly spending all of his retirement so the daughter won't have to be known as the "cancer kid," according to him. He says he will pay 2 mortgages until the present home sells. He got furious when we said we pay cash for our cars, even though they are nice, because we wait ten years to get new ones and basically pay ourselves to save up. He blamed that on me, like you had 2 incomes and only 2 kids and I have one income and 3 kids . We discussed choices and decisions... he said it's all Obama's fault .
We said that family support, friends, and faith should get them through this, and yes, while we can't imagine what they are going through, money does not buy happiness. DH suggested all of it is to make him feel better, as he has always done this. My FIL, FIL's sister, and sister's son all have/had bipolar d/o and I've always suspected BIL does, too. The crazy spending and scams are bordering on mania. He is getting counseling and is on an antidepressant, but I doubt he told the prescriber about the family history... antidepressants can cause mania to get worse. He describes being sad, can't sleep, etc, but no matter what we say, we're evil.
We really wanted to help, by giving advice, but he can't hear us. I feel badly for his wife and all of the kids.

[Biciclista]

thanks Catrin! If a forum isn't aggressively run by a nutcase, generally, normal people can interact there too.

Uh, Crankin,
that BIL of yours sounds like someone I would want to stay far far away from.. YIKES. what makes him think a new house will make his daughter's cancer go away?
I bet she'd rather be with her daddy than watch the whole family going mad with money schemes. YUCK

[OakLeaf]

Wow Crankin. That makes me so sad for everyone involved. Especially your niece obviously, but everyone else too (including you for having to deal with it). Ugh.

[shootingstar]

well, that's probably why I look so good in comparison. I do get a lot of good out of it. They aren't going to make me any sadder, and I still do have to process my grief.
It just keeps coming in waves.. but there is more space between the waves now.
Interestingly, i had one woman pegged as the one who really wallowed in it, and in the last month I can see that even she is improving. There are whackjobs everywhere, but i think most of the people on the grief forum are simply people who lost their spouse and are in need of a little commonality. Your mother in law, cousin, father, friends just do NOT get it. It kinda takes one to know one.

You're giving yourself time to process but you're here. where some of us grieve more privately but know that life surges ahead. We just know that it's ok to step aside and sit down quietly before continuing onward.

[Crankin]

DH told me this morning that he never told me, but that he has seen stuff on the net, written by the niece with leukemia... all stuff stating and showing what kind of luxurious house she wants (with pictures as examples) and lots of stuff about what type of hot guy she wants to marry. I guess she has absorbed her family values by age 15. I just watched a thing on Today show about the over-sexualization, etc of teens/girls and its relation to social media.
This is more upsetting to me than it should be. I consider myself to be quite progressive and I wasn't exactly the poster girl for good behavior at age 15. But, somehow, I knew money didn't solve all.

[Scrappy]

Dear Soon-to-be-X-Husband who decided to leave 4 weeks before my ACL reconstruction surgery, (which is happening this week! 10/25)

The transmission in the car went out (I told you it was going for months) and now you are stuck 1200 miles away and need a ride home? And all of your so-called friends (oh yeah, the 1 you have) won't make the drive out to get you? And the train won't allow you to board with your 4 bags of smelly, diesel soaked, work clothes? So now you call me to come get you? And then you want to drive MY jeep instead for an undetermined amount of time and put 1,000's more miles on the poor old thing until you figure out what you want to do about another vehicle? Hmmmmm....

[indysteel]

((((Scrappy)))). I assume you said no. I'm truly sorry you're going through this.

[Biciclista]

Scrappy JUST SAY NO!!!!!

[malkin]

Absolutely, say no and mean it!