thanks Divingbiker. I think one of the reasons I am posting here is because I had NO IDEA what it would be like to lose my spouse. I mean, i knew it would hurt and be sad; but the sheer enormity of it all ; i had NO Idea. I had no idea that time would become meaningless, some things went too fast, some went too slow; and meanwhile, I forgot ALL sorts of things that happened before, during, after.... It has been the most significant thing that ever happened in my life. bigger waves than getting married or having a kid. SERIOUSLY!

anyway; I think comparatively, I am doing VERY Well. I am on a widow's forum and I give myself A's in comparison!