Amateur Bike Racer w/non biking spouse

[Kubla]

Your story struck a familiar chord and could have been written by me 20+ years ago. However, I agree with those who suggest counseling before giving up completely.

It can be very difficult when one's SO or spouse doesn't understand one's passions-and even worse when they are not supportive of them. My ex was a couch potato whose idea of a good time was sitting in front of the TV for hours with a box of Cheez-Its. He wanted me to spend my time the same way, so he felt threatened by my hobbies and activities. Whenever I lost weight and people complimented me, he said that I was "too thin."

Always jealous of my dogs and horse, he was also resentful of my horseback riding, bowling, needlework and reading. I can't count the number of times he sabotaged my plans-even though he knew in advance where I was going. As soon as he saw me heading out the door, he would find some way to hold things up. If I was entered in a dog show (only a few times during the warmer months) he'd stay in bed while I struggled to get all the equipment in the car, then would miraculously appear when it was all packed and ask if I needed help. Needless to say, he never showed up to watch us compete.

Over 15 years it was a battle to find the balance that would let me be even a fraction of the person I wanted to be-while attempting to keep his extreme neediness at a manageable level. I finally gave up when I realized I'd lost so much of "me" that there wasn't any more to give to someone else.

I hope you are able to work things out-but not at the expense of your identity.

[shootingstar]

For your hubby's sake, hope he finds a hobby/passion that is equal to your cycling passion.

What's going on with him, etc. really has nothing to do with your cycling or any other passion hobby /interest that you take up.

Wish you good counselling together if both of you are willing.

Am not sure but presumably you have 1-2 good cycling friends to talk about cycling with them often. It would be tiring to someone else who is not into cycling to hear about cycling often.


I share a cycling life with my partner. Neither of us compete but we're just long-time cyclists and his passion is greater in the sense that he is a cycling advocate working with municipalities for past ..well almost 2 decades.

I am not concerned for the future if we each lose our cycling passion/can no longer do it since we each already have 1-2 other non-cycling passions that we pursue also. It's just lying abit dormant at times, when cycling overtakes each of us.

Wishing you both lots of useful, thoughtful communication with one another at this time.

[Crankin]

Shootingstar, I like the way you stated this. Maybe more nicely than I did! My DH and I are pretty much like you and your partner, although our level of involvement is pretty much even... although DH commutes to work and I am in school and can't commute right now. I will go back to that when I get a job (one of my main requirements for employment is that it's easily accessible by bike).
Sometimes I think we are the only couple who is happy being together almost all of the time. Interestingly, both of my kids are the same way with their SOs. Despite having some different interests (including cycling), they still make the relationship a priority.
I remember, about 15 years ago, my mom told me a few months before she died, that DH and I should find a common interest to do together, as our kids were getting to the age where they were starting to go off on their own a lot more. Little did she know...