Cycling goals ruining friendship

[staceysue]

Where to start?

. . . . . .started an email list of everyone we know and is coordinating tri-weekly daytime ride schedules. . . Sarah is very competitive. . . . .HATES, LOATHES BEING DROPPED). . . drove over an hour each way to ride 7 miles of single-track . . . . 1.5 miles of trail then take a 5 minute break before doing the next 1.5 miles. I want to go as hard as I can and not worry about someone's feelings being hurt. . . . she has a vendetta against 2 other friends of mine because they dropped her on a group ride. She doesn't like riding with them because she gets dropped, but then she's also mad if they don't invite her. . . . .

I did my first metric centennial last year (road biking) and I was averaging around maybe 14 mph (not on the centennial, just on regular rides) and I still haven't got up the courage to join the local group rides yet because I don't want to hold anybody back and I'm worried that they might be concerned about hurting my feelings and refuse to drop me. The last thing I would EVER want to do would be to hold anybody else back.

She's being self-centered and immature - and maybe a little manipulative. She sounds kind of high-maintenance.

On the other hand! It's always great to have group support in new endeavors and I, myself, would not want to mountain bike alone as a beginner. She went through a lot of trouble to get a group together to ride. If the others haven't surpassed her, maybe they will be willing to continue frequent group rides together and if they keep it up, she might be able to keep up with you at some point. In the mean time maybe you could go on rides with her occasionally to give her some support when the other riders can't go, but let her know that you've taken it to the next level yourself and that you're truly enjoying riding alone. If she's a good friend, she should be happy for you. You obviously care a lot for her and she should care for you as much.

[Eden]

She sounds . . . . ? . . . . . like a very confusing person. She wants to be competitive and obviously wants to be the big leader or whatever - but over an hour to go 7 miles? Seriously??? Taking breaks after 1.5 miles?

Lime was referring to mountain biking in that particular post- very different than road biking. If the trail is at all technical or hilly that speed may not be seriously unreasonable, even if it is slower than than Lime or her friends can go.

[staceysue]

Lime was referring to mountain biking in that particular post- very different than road biking. If the trail is at all technical or hilly that speed may not be seriously unreasonable, even if it is slower than than Lime or her friends can go.

OH! Sorry 'bout that. I've never been mountain biking, but I did once try to take my old cruiser down a mountain bike trail and I couldn't even go 1.5 miles. It was very hard.

I edited my former post.

[tulip]

Limewave, sometimes when I'm having difficulty advocating for myself for whatever reason, I find it really helpful to act as my own agent. That is, act and speak as if I were speaking for someone else, like a client. If I'm acting or speaking on behalf of a client (even if that client is me), I tend to be looking out for the client as opposed to worrying about what the other person thinks. It always works and is rather empowering.

That might help you in this situation.