Definitely a rock and a hard place.

It sounds like you are going to have to find a way to ride some on your own and go hard and some with her and just "hang out" (recovery rides). If she can't gracefully accept a "I have some training rides with set goals that I just really need to do alone, but I really like riding with you so let's still ride X, X, and X together" then that's her problem.

I always get dropped, yes, it hacks me off (insert nastier word ), but with myself, and if I'm not riding with people that drop me I'm not motivated.

I love riding with my shop owner as he's super amazing at knowing *just* when I'm going to pop and keeping me there without dropping me (and then of course 50 feet from the agreed upon "finish line" totally creaming my arse). Loads of fun and really tells me where I need to work. BUT, if she's not going to think that's fun (and it doesn't sound like she will) then it can't help either of you, which is unfortunate.

I have a friend that is slower than me and doesn't want to race. When I ride with her I attack the hills and then soft pedal the downhills until she catches up, rinse and repeat. When we get to a long flatish section we chat and pedal normally. But she has no problems realizing that I'm stronger on the hills than she is and that I want that exercise where she just wants to pedal up them in a lower gear.