on yesterday's ride, a phone #

[redrhodie]

A guy I met at the lbs a couple of weeks ago rode up to me yesterday and we started talking. I stopped at the lbs, and he came with me, and as I was leaving, he gave me his # and said I should call him to go for a ride. I didn't know what to say. I have a bf, but that doesn't mean I can't ride with him. I think he was hitting on me, but maybe he really just wants someone to ride with. I should probably add, he's younger than me and on a team, so I think he must have plenty of riding buddies that are closer to his level. He also put my bike on the rack for me, and you know what that means. He's obviously in luv.

In any case, I'm flattered, but I don't know what to do. I'm considering asking one of the guys at the lbs to tactfully mention to him that I'm not single, but they're a bunch of monsters who I'm sure will find this very funny. I don't want to embarrass him (or myself, if in actuality, he just wants to ride).

In this very small state, where everyone knows everyone, it's also par for the course that his sister happens to be my hair stylist. I could mention it to her, but that may be even more embarrassing.

I could also just not call him, but I think it's inevitable that we'll meet again, and then I'll have to explain why I haven't called him for a ride.

What would you do?

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

The right thing to do is tell simply him you have a BF, and not get others involved, which would be embarrassing to both of you. The only reason to not tell/ask him yourself is because it's uncomfortable, but that's not a good enough reason to have others tell him.
If you are afraid he is actually just wanting to ride bikes and not hitting on you, then say to him straight out that you are not sure if he just wanted to ride or if he wanted to 'go out' with you. Explain to him your situation.

I guess it's ok to not call him and wait til you next see him and then if he tries again to get together- at that point you really should ask him about his 'intentions'.
There are way more tricky embarrassing things to ask a guy than this.

Still, it's sweet that he asked- either way! Good luck!

[oxysback]

Invite him on a ride with you and your bf. That should clear up any misunderstanding.

[redrhodie]

Invite him on a ride with you and your bf. That should clear up any misunderstanding.

That's brilliant!

[tulip]

Invite him on a ride with you and your bf. That should clear up any misunderstanding.

I dunno. While it gets the point across, I agree with Lisa that just asking him of his intentions and telling him you have a boyfriend is a better way to go. Although I have not always practiced the direct approach, I'm learning that it's really the best way to do things.

[Zen]

How about just don't call him.

[Cataboo]

How about getting your best friend to check with his best friend to see if he just likes you or if he likes you likes you?

[Blueberry]

I have to be a point of disagreement here.

I'd assume he just wants to ride, unless there's a serious indication to the contrary. Go for a ride, mention the boyfriend (my boyfriend and I are going out to diner tonight, etc). That way, he knows. You could even mention it when calling to set up a ride (I can't this night, BF and I have plans). And you haven't assumed he was interested in something he might or might not be interested in.

Maybe he doesn't want to hammer with the team all the time? Maybe your riding matches with his training style? I just wouldn't see it as a problem.

CA

[redrhodie]

I would not be disappointed if he doesn't like me like me.

As for not calling him, that's what I'd normally do, but I'm sure I'll see him again. He lives across the street from my lbs, and knows my commute route.

I think I just thought of the perfect solution. I'm going to make a hair appointment for bf with his sister. Then, I can say your sister gave my bf a great haircut! next time I see him. That'll work, and no one feels weird.

[alpinerabbit]

I would do what BleekerSt Girl recommended. Just talk straight.

[GLC1968]

If you like his riding style and YOU'd like another riding buddy, then I'd do what CA suggested. Go riding with him and during the ride bring up your boyfriend.

If you have no interest in riding with him, then I'd just say "thanks for the invite, but I have a bf". If he says he just wanted to ride, then you can ask him to ride with both of you next time or you can tell him you don't think it's inappropriate (whether or do or not, it's a good excuse to avoid riding with him alone).

[maillotpois]

How about getting your best friend to check with his best friend to see if he just likes you or if he likes you likes you?

SNORT! Good one!

[lph]

ooh, how flattering!

I think you thought of the perfect, diplomatic - and dare I generalize - very female solution . I think it could get a little uncomfortable if you call him for a ride and he thinks of it as a date, and only then does he find out you're not single.

Honest, I've met guys who get all kerfluffed over women who don't "understand" when a date is a date and not a friend thing. Not just disappointed, but irritated. Don't ask me why, to my mind someone wanting to be my friend is a great compliment too.

[Jiffer]

I wouldn't make plans to ride solo with any guy if I had a serious boyfriend (in my case, I have a serious husband!). So regardless of whether he's hitting on you or not, I'd tell him you'd love to do a group ride with him, but not alone. If he laughs and says it's "just a ride" and he's not interested beyond that, I'd still stick to my guns and say I don't ride alone with guys unless they're "my guy". Same reason I wouldn't do just about anything alone with another guy ... go to lunch, etc.

I had a guy team up with me once when I was riding by myself. He came up behind me, started chatting with me and rode with me for several miles. Said it was safer to ride together. He was a cop, so he seemed extra protective even, making sure I was aware of cars turning right ahead of us, etc. It was a little awkward, but it wasn't a planned thing and he never hit on me. If he had asked to plan another ride together, I would have turned him down, but since it just sort of happened while we were riding, I let it go.

Anyways, those are my two cents.

[shootingstar]

I wouldn't make plans to ride solo with any guy if I had a serious boyfriend (in my case, I have a serious husband!). So regardless of whether he's hitting on you or not, I'd tell him you'd love to do a group ride with him, but not alone. If he laughs and says it's "just a ride" and he's not interested beyond that, I'd still stick to my guns and say I don't ride alone with guys unless they're "my guy". Same reason I wouldn't do just about anything alone with another guy ... go to lunch, etc.

I guess the big question, redhodie is: would this guy still ask you if you were with your BF in the LBS?

Jiffer's, tulip's or Zen's response should help.
If you and BF already knew the guy and by coincidence he and your cycling routes coincided along the way, then riding together for a piece..and bye, bye.

All the men that I know who cycle and who I've cycled with, are guys that my partner knows already and with whom he does alot of cycling advocacy work or guys I knew from my jobs who cycle ..outside of me but talk alot about cycling.

It's flattering to have attention of other cycling men, outside of dearie, but after in short time, they're just trees and shrubs (to me).