on yesterday's ride, a phone #

[ttaylor508]

I'd say since it has already been several weeks and you have not made contact he may have forgotten about the invite. If you see him again and he brings it up, you could just say "BF and I are planning a ride on Saturday, want to join us" then he knows you aren't single and he may or may not show up. If he shows up, then you know he just wanted a riding buddy, if not, maybe he wanted more.

[redrhodie]

I'd say since it has already been several weeks and you have not made contact he may have forgotten about the invite. If you see him again and he brings it up, you could just say "BF and I are planning a ride on Saturday, want to join us" then he knows you aren't single and he may or may not show up. If he shows up, then you know he just wanted a riding buddy, if not, maybe he wanted more.

Huh? I got the # last night. Actually, inviting him along with me and bf would be great if bf rode with me more than once a year! Ah, the glitch. I'd never be able to convince bf to come along.

I'd like to ride with him sometime, once I'm sure he's not papering his bedroom with images of me. I hope you know I'm joking. Luckily, he's not creepy. He just seems like a sweet kid. He's a bit of a goof, and so am I. We'd have fun riding together.

Bf doesn't have a problem with me riding with a guy alone, btw. He's strangely secure. I wonder why that is? I think he thinks he's the only one crazy enough to like me like me .

[fatbottomedgurl]

I think he thinks he's the only one crazy enough to like me like me .

EVER so much!

[maillotpois]

I wouldn't make plans to ride solo with any guy if I had a serious boyfriend (in my case, I have a serious husband!). So regardless of whether he's hitting on you or not, I'd tell him you'd love to do a group ride with him, but not alone. If he laughs and says it's "just a ride" and he's not interested beyond that, I'd still stick to my guns and say I don't ride alone with guys unless they're "my guy". Same reason I wouldn't do just about anything alone with another guy ... go to lunch, etc.

I would ride and have ridden many times with men who are not my husband. Some of them he knows (pepole in our riding circle), some he doesn't (Glenn and Twain, etc.). Assuming it's just a bike ride (and I know RR doesn't know what his assumptions are which is why she started this thread), it's just a bike ride. I also will go and have gone to lunch, etc., with other men, as well. Lots of this is business related, but some is social (my old friend from middle school who works across the street from me now comes to mind - I had a HUGE crush on him in middle school, but we're both happily married now and he's just fun to hang out and have lunch with sometimes).

And the shoe fits on the other foot - my husband rides with other women without me, and plays tennis with women all the time. He also has business lunches, dinners, etc., with other women.

I guess I just don't see why it's an issue.

[ttaylor508]

Huh? I got the # last night. Actually, inviting him along with me and bf would be great if bf rode with me more than once a year! Ah, the glitch. I'd never be able to convince bf to come along.
.

Woops, sorry misread the first paragraph

I still would see if he was up to riding with both of you even if BF won't actually go. You would at least be able to see if he seemed surprised that you have BF. He might just want a riding buddy.

[pinkbikes]

I would ride and have ridden many times with men who are not my husband. Some of them he knows (pepole in our riding circle), some he doesn't (Glenn and Twain, etc.). Assuming it's just a bike ride (and I know RR doesn't know what his assumptions are which is why she started this thread), it's just a bike ride. I also will go and have gone to lunch, etc., with other men, as well. Lots of this is business related, but some is social (my old friend from middle school who works across the street from me now comes to mind - I had a HUGE crush on him in middle school, but we're both happily married now and he's just fun to hang out and have lunch with sometimes).

And the shoe fits on the other foot - my husband rides with other women without me, and plays tennis with women all the time. He also has business lunches, dinners, etc., with other women.

I guess I just don't see why it's an issue.

Yep - I think I'm here too. When DH and I started going out our first date was a bike ride! We spent a lot of years riding together with various other friends (all male) and much of the time I struggled with his riding style and my ability (or lack thereof) to hang onto his wheel.

Over the years we've been on bikes, off bikes, on bikes again and since we have had the DD it is hard to manage to get out to ride at the same time - we really hardly ever ride together (as a regular thing) since one of us is at home with the DD.

I also work with a bunch of cycle mad boys. So I have a large collection of boys I ride with. He has a collection of boys he rides with. Sometimes he send me out with his collection of boys if he is not feeling up to it.

He also collects girls. Always has, always will. He has a collection of girls at work and a collection of girls at the gym (I don't do the gym). We both went shopping to help the girls from the gym buy bikes. Sometimes they ride with him. And since they are so flipping slow, we take them riding together and DD can even keep up!

I ride with one or more of my bunch of boys all the time. They are all younger than me. And they are all goofballs. It's fun.

RR, maybe he just wants to enjoy some cruisy riding with a goofball? And that's all good! The question is probably whether you enjoy riding with him and how secure your BF is about that?

[withm]

Some times a bike ride is just a bike ride. No ulterior motive. It's not like he's a total stranger. If you are compatible riders, I'd give it a shot.

[Cataboo]

My bf would probably be happy if I rode with another guy & someone else had to deal with me being slow up hills, being grumpy when the bike doesn't shift right, or bonking and needing cliff shot blocks.

That being said, I ride without him, and he typically doesn't bother to ride without me, although complaining about the inconveniences of waiting for me...


Although, lately I'm keeping up with him enough that he's the one ending up with leg cramps or exhausted.

[Skierchickie]

Hee hee! This all reminds me of the way I acquired my husband! I had a BF at the time, and he knew, and I KNEW he knew, but when it came right down to it, it was "Oh, you have a boyfriend? I didn't know you had a boyfriend", all pitiful-like. What a liar! Always wanting to go for rides, pizza after (and he'd always say "It's a date!", when I'd agree to go, with me insisting it be as friends. I'd always say it wasn't a date.). I spent months insisting we were friends only. Anyway, he was waiting in the wings when I came to the realization that long-distance BF wasn't "the one". 20 years later, he's still my favorite riding buddy.

Having been there, I know how hard it was to just get to the point and SAY I had a boyfriend. It's awkward. However, I do think the probability is pretty high that he likes you likes you. Racer guys on teams don't often hand out their numbers to girls who aren't uber fast (no offense intended - maybe you are uber fast. I don't know what kind of riding you do, but you said something about not being at his level). To me, that's a definite sign. If you're a racer, then not so much.

My DH was thinking "date" on that first ride, where he proceeded to drag me over monster hills, feed me pizza, and then drag me up one more monster hill. He thought I'd like that. I nearly puked on that last hill!

I see nothing wrong with riding with another guy, as long as everyone knows the status of things. Then again, I married the other guy (however, I never belonged with Guy #1). I think it's all about how secure your relationship is, and if you trust yourself.

[maryellen]

Skierchickie, what a sweet story. Persistence pays off.

[gnat23]

Just please don't PUNISH the poor guy for asking. Unless you had a ring or a picture of your beau on your T-shirt (or even HAD the beau with you on your arm), it probably took that guy a hefty dose of self-talk to even wring up the nerve to ask in a way that was non-creepy non-confrontational and gave you an easy out.

Give him the same respect; if you feel the need to turn down the ride, do so gracefully and honestly and take the offer as a compliment.

-- gnat! (Of all the things we put men through, I don't see any reason to make it worse on them for lack of mind-reading)

[Mr. Bloom]

I think I just thought of the perfect solution. I'm going to make a hair appointment for bf with his sister. Then, I can say your sister gave my bf a great haircut! next time I see him. That'll work, and no one feels weird.

red: This is a very good solution; don't call him, prepare for getting the message across indirectly and softly. It's rare, but Zen and I agree

Frankly, I'm surprised at the amount of bad advice on here:

- If you're in a committed relationship and you think this guy if pursuing you, no contact is appropriate.
- If you think he's interested in you, then don't assume he's really interested in just riding and that a subsequent, more uncomfortable, situation won't arise
- If you think he's pursuing you and you want to ride with him...and you're in a committed relationship - then it's time to reevaluate your commitment to the existing relationship 'cause you're throwing the future of your relationship into the fickle hands of fate instead of on the foundation of your own firm resolve.

Just MHO

[channlluv]

I agree with gnat and Mr. Silver. Be honest with this guy. He put your bike up on the rack for you. That's a chivalrous gesture. Guys don't do stuff like that for girls they're not trying to get to know better.

I think if he was looking at you as just another riding buddy, he would have let you put your own bike up on the rack.

It's flattering, but I think the next time you see him, you need to be honest and let him know you're in a relationship, unless you're not sure about the relationship.

Roxy

[Triskeliongirl]

Its obvious he is hitting on you if he rides on a team with men faster than you. So, make any decisions you make based on that obvious fact. Is this not really obvious to you, or did you just post this to brag?

[lph]

Its obvious he is hitting on you if he rides on a team with men faster than you. So, make any decisions you make based on that obvious fact. Is this not really obvious to you, or did you just post this to brag?

Wha..? I have male friends I ride with occasionally that are faster than me and train with faster guys. But I ride fast enough, and they enjoy my company. Occasionally I ride with people slower than I am, both male and female, because I enjoy riding my bike more than I enjoy hammering as fast as I can all the time.

He may be hitting on her, but I don't see why this is obvious. Sometimes people just like each other.