Quote Originally Posted by Cari View Post
But as Irulan said, a "save the date" is not a firm inviation, so they're not really obligated.
I disagree. Most of what I've read about about save the dates indicate that while they're not formal invitations, anyone who received one should receive a formal invitation. They're intended to be a courtesy to guests and to insure, especially, that important guests--close friends and family in particular--know of the wedding date well in advance. They are not a license for the bride and groom to freely revise their guest lists. If the guest list must be revised, then the bride and groom should make some effort to politely explain why to the univited guest and to be prepared for some hurt feelings.

The best way to insure against that happening is to send save the dates only to people you're absolutely sure you want to and can invite. You need not send a save the date to everyone on your guest list.

Granted, I think save the dates are just one more element of wedding mania. If I'm close enough to someone to really care about attending their wedding, I will already presumably know the wedding date (from talking to them about it) and will make plans accordingly. If I'm not close enough to them, then I will go to the wedding if it otherwise fits into my plans; there will be no "saving of the date."

Have I mentioned that I plan to elope?