Hubby is mad that I won't ride......

[SouthernBelle]

I've thought about this thread as well. It reminds me of a story a lady I know told me. Her husband, with the best intentions in the world, bought her a new car for her birthday. Think about how much time the average person spends in her car. But she had no say in what kind of car, what color, what extras, etc. And unfortunately, it wasn't what she would have chosen for herself. She grew to hate that car.

The OP is in the same position. Her husband went out and spent a lot of cash on something he thinks she should like. But he didn't consult her about what she would like. She didn't get to "test drive" her new vehicle. He doesn't understand why she doesn't really like what he spent so much money on with the best of intentions. She doesn't necessarily care for the color, the fit, whatever.

This past Christmas, my brother made an effort to buy me something cycling related. He got me a Camelbak. A good idea. But when my SIL asked me if I had one, I answered truthfully, 'yes'. He was disappointed. I exchanged it for a new helmet.

What we have here is a failure to communicate. When you are ploughing a ton of money into a gift for someone, why not take him/her with you or at least be sure what you are getting is something you are sure they want. Not what you think he/she should have.

[OakLeaf]

It's a little more than that, SB, though all those points are included.

He bought her something that causes her excruciating pain, called her a b**** for not enjoying it, and apparently has been "at it" with her for some time before she got up the nerve to post.

[Triskeliongirl]

Lets bring it back to the saddle problem. Maybe in her frustartion GG exagerated the relationship issues, maybe she didn't, but those points have been made.

When I first started riding seriously I developed chronic UTIs. My urologist wrote Terry Liberator Saddle on a prescription pad, and sent me to my LBS. In other words, he told me to try saddles with cut-outs. I started with a liberator, and was fine with it. Then I got a new bike that came with a butterfly, and was fine with that. But then I put it on another new bike and it stopped working and I realized even the butterfly which is fairly wide was not wide enough for my sit bones. When that happens your weight is borne by your soft tissues and not sit bones. In retrospect, I also know that my saddle height on the new bike was set a bit higher, which contributed to the problem. I bought a Brooks Finesse from Wallingford, with their generos return policy and love it. It doesn't have a cut-out, but because its wide enough to support my sit bones I don't need it.

My husband also rides skinny selle italia saddles, but he is not surprised they don't work for me, and would believe me if I said there was a problem. Also, if the seat tube angle on the bike he bought is steep (common on many smaller frames) you may also need a very laid back seatpost to get the saddle far back enough for good sitbone support.

BOTTOM LINE, mostly likely the saddle is supporting your soft tissues and not sit bones, and that is what is giving you pain. WHen that happens to your urethra, it will burn when you urinate and you can end up with a UTI. My labia were bleeding until I got my brooks finesse.

PLEASE REPORT BACK HOW YOU WORK THIS OUT. AND WELCOME!!!!

[Triskeliongirl]

One more thing. My husband is a fast racer type. There are no women in his peer group in our club that can stay with that group unless they allow her to (meaning they aren't going all out). I think you will find it very frustrating if your goal is to ride his pace. I am not as fast as my husband, but that doesn't mean that I don't love to ride and that its not a hugely important part of my (and our) life. For me, it keeps me physically healthy, mentally sound, and lets me do my bit for the environment. Mostly its a spiritual thing that keeps me strong in all aspects of my life.

SO, don't let the saddle problem discourage you. Its a great sport, so focus on first being able to ride pain free. Then find a peer group that will help you get stronger. Then you will be strong enough to go on rides with DH where he isn't going all out but you'll be able to ride fast enough that he'll still be able to enjoy it. Our you can go on cycling vacations together, and he can carry most of the luggage, like we do .