Hubby is mad that I won't ride......

[Trek420]

wow, i wonder if that poor gal has come back to read all these posts.
I am seeing a lot of wisdom here; but I wonder if they are ready to hear the truth.

ANY advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm sure he'll be reading them..

Jamie

Or her husband.

[Starfish]

... and as for the saddle, honestly... if you were really into cycling (and that's perfectly okay that you're not!), you would have found one already that worked.

Can't agree here. I love cycling, and have been at it for about 4-5 years now. I'm still dialing in just the right saddle.

SO, don't let the saddle problem discourage you. Its a great sport, so focus on first being able to ride pain free. Then find a peer group that will help you get stronger. Then you will be strong enough to go on rides with DH where he isn't going all out but you'll be able to ride fast enough that he'll still be able to enjoy it.

Great advice!

[OakLeaf]

... and as for the saddle, honestly... if you were really into cycling (and that's perfectly okay that you're not!), you would have found one already that worked.

Well that's not necessarily true. Her husband isn't the only person out there telling women that fit doesn't matter or that they're just small men, and that attitude isn't unique to bicycling.

On saddle fit in particular, a lot of people, male or female, just don't know any better. Back in the '80s and '90s I rode for years with open sores on my nether regions. I was really into cycling, but I had no idea that different saddles fit differently or that I was supposed to try them on. When I got my first-generation Terry saddle (cut-out in the frame but not the cover) I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. A couple of years ago when I went on the retreat that sparked my return to cycling, I asked some of the group leaders about my problems with chafing, and not a one of them (experienced female triathletes all) mentioned saddle fit as a potential issue; they just told me about various lubes they used. When I got my new bike last year, I knew I needed a cutout, but that was it. I had no idea about saddle width, nose width, etc., until I started reading this board.

One of the things GeorgiaGirl said is that she really enjoyed riding except for the chafing. I don't see any reason to take the rest of what she said at face value, and not that statement.

[tulip]

I think we scared her away. Hopefully she (they) read the posts.

GG, I hope you get the bike/saddle thing worked out. Please keep checking TE because we are all learning from each other all the time. I hope you can get your own sign-in, though, that's yours alone.

[Trek420]

Starfish: What I find happens is whenever you find the perfect saddle ... the mfr stops making it or changes the design. My "love at first sit" saddle is no longer made. My LBS found me a great new one yet assures me if I want the one I had before he has 3 stored in a secret climate controlled vault hidden far northern Finland. Thanks Chris.

Triskeliongirl: I favor the policy that "slowest rider gets the best/lightest bike" that way both are happy. Either both have great bikes and faster rider gets a new commuter, cruiser or freewheel so she gets a workout in, or both have great bikes but slower rider gets the dream bike to help him keep up.

Well that's not necessarily true. Her husband isn't the only person out there telling women that fit doesn't matter or that they're just small men, and that attitude isn't unique to bicycling.

Sadly often that's the bike shop, which is why it's so important to find the right one.

It's a nice sunny day, a perfect day for a ride or to get ready for one. Hopefully GG you are out arranging a bike fit and trying out some new saddle choices.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I doubt either of them will ever be back here. Frankly, I don't blame them. Yikes.
What a feeding frenzy.

[SadieKate]

He thinks I'm just being a picky B**** and basically I just don't want to ride with him. We are at it again today. It's a beautiful day and I would love to go riding with him but I refuse to keep hurting myself. He keeps saying I ride with the same kind of saddle I gave you...YEA well it hurts me. I absolutely love my bike and really enjoy riding with him so how can I express this to him and make him believe it?

NOWHERE DOES SHE SAY HE CALLED HER A *****! GeorigaGirl says "he thinks . . . " This could be her interpretation of his words and thoughts. My husband thinks I'm a picky princess at times, but I could easily, in fun, have described to someone else his reaction using the same word, but over the internet the joke wouldn't be interpreted correctly. She's made very few posts so not a one of us knows her personality or her writing style. The few posts by Mr. GeorigaGirl were obviously well-intentioned and very polite. Other husbands/boyfriends have posted here using the woman's sign-in without you ripping into him. I vote we all layoff the relationship counseling without knowing a damn thing about her and her husband.

Just maybe, maybe, she'll come back and learn some valuable things about cycling and us about her.We may all be completely surprised. In the meantime, I'll keep an open mind and not jump to conclusions without more information.

[salsabike]

I doubt either of them will ever be back here. Frankly, I don't blame them. Yikes.

I vote we all layoff the relationship counseling without knowing a damn thing about her and her husband.

In the meantime, I'll keep an open mind and not jump to conclusions without more information.

Oof, I couldn't agree more.

[Starfish]

NOWHERE DOES SHE SAY HE CALLED HER A *****! GeorigaGirl says "he thinks . . . " This could be her interpretation of his words and thoughts.

SK, I know that I, for one, wrote about this as her characterization of events, not as though it was a direct quote of what he said.

But, she asks "How can I make him believe me?"

Well, she shouldn't have to do anything more than simply say, "I hurt" for him to believe her. Again, maybe he does believe her. All we have to go on is what she wrote. But, she asked us this question, so I think addressing it was in order.

GeorgiaGirl, I hope you do stick around on TE. As you can see, you will always get varied and frank feedback to your questions and opinions. Cycling is a wonderful sport, passtime and lifestyle, and the info on this forum is a wonderful support for that.

I for sure dislike a lot of what I read on TE, but it is not worth it to throw the baby out with the bathwater. There is too much to be gained here. Hope you decide the same.

[snapdragen]

I doubt either of them will ever be back here. Frankly, I don't blame them. Yikes.

I vote we all layoff the relationship counseling without knowing a damn thing about her and her husband.

Just maybe, maybe, she'll come back and learn some valuable things about cycling and us about her.We may all be completely surprised. In the meantime, I'll keep an open mind and not jump to conclusions without more information.

Oof, I couldn't agree more.

Adding my voice to the sentiment, thanks ladies for saying what I couldn't put into words.

[SadieKate]

GeorigaGirl (please note the spelling intentional or not) said:

Take it easy on him girls he's sensitive...

Thanks for all the advice and I will take it to heart and hopefully I'll be able to come back and tell you all about my great rides!!

At this point many, many people had given her some great pointers on finding a new saddle and some encouragement, support and ways to help hubby understand.

Then we progressed to discussions of their relationship rather just tools for communication. She not only did not ask for relationship counseling but her participation in the thread appears to have ground to a halt, even though she was on the forum early this morning.

GeorgiaGirl - does he let you have friends? Maybe you could take a friend to the LBS with you when you go. Being completely dependent on your DH for every aspect is perhaps not the best way to proceed, especially considering the differences in anatomy, interest, skill level, and motivation.

I've worked with far too many women in unbalanced domestic power situations. Please be aware that this much control over one person by the other member in the relationship is detrimental to both of you. Set out on your own two feet in regards to YOUR bicycle and YOUR riding. It will be good for you both.

Next we have someone declaring that he did call her a b**** not to mention the completely weird comment about her lack of finding a saddle being indicative of her true desire to cycle.

So many members grabbed on and were off and running presuming the worst without feedback or personal knowledge of GeorigaGirl herself.

sounds like you need to do two things:

1) tell your husband you don't like being called a b**** just because you don't want to ride
2) tell him to appreciate his wife for who she is... and not who he wants her to be

... and as for the saddle, honestly... if you were really into cycling (and that's perfectly okay that you're not!), you would have found one already that worked. I somehow think the saddle is not the real issue here

As far as hubby, he clearly identified that he was using her member log-in. He didn't hide anything about his identity. And we've let other men do that without comment.

How about we address her questions and not assume the worst of him?

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

How about we address her questions and not assume the worst of him?

I think her saddle problem has been thoroughly addressed. As to the rest, we've heard more than enough already.

[Trek420]

This gal's been a member of our delightful, supportive, warm, wacky, wise, witty, wonderful "we put the fun in dysfunctional" community since '04.

http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=1712

And to this date nobody even replied to her first post. 1,046 people viewed (probably in the last two days) but nobody welcomed her or offered cycling community. I'm not self promoting but I believe I'm the one person who suggested she organize a ride through this board.

How many of us remember our first posts here? I sure do I was obviously new to this board but to discussion groups as well. I changed the subject hijacked a thread oh the horror got gently slapped for that "stick to the subject or start your own ^@*& thread" by senior members.

I'm still here obviously. Maybe I'm thicker skinned than most. Fact is we run people off.

How many of us remember our first group ride? The person who welcomed you, the rider who made sure you are ok. That's the club you stay with.

I think we can all vow and that's self included to treat each other better. Especially be kinder still to new members.

[sgtiger]

GeorigaGirl94 + Mr. GG,

I apologize if I came to the wrong conclusion. I'll go kick myself now.

~Sg

[crazycanuck]

Can we lock this thread?