I've never been married, but I've done serial monogamy a number of times. I come from a very disfunctional family. My parents were married until my mother died, but my father used to beat her and throw us out of the house at random intervals throughout my life. My reaction to any tension in a relationship was to either cheat or run away. I never learned to just work things out. Whenever I'd leave one relationship I'd bounce right away to another with someone who was just the opposite of what I'd left. I never took the time to figure out what was RIGHT for me. I just went to whatever was not what I'd just had.

April 1999 I wrote a story and posted it on the internet. (Xena fanfiction) About 100 people wrote to me about the story. I wrote to say at least "thank you" to all of them. I ended up keeping in touch with about 5 of them. One person kept writing back and we ended up being friends. She helped me get through the breakup with my latest relationship. Things were getting closer between us, but she wouldn't come and visit (she lived across the country) or take the next step until I had cleaned up my current mess. For months we talked and wrote and shared our feelings before we even met each other in person. Finally, in September '99 she flew out to visit. She moved in with me in Feb 2000.

It's been hard to move beyond my past. Sometimes I still feel like running away. But then I remind myself that she's not going anywhere. Her confidence in me and our ability to work things out makes it easier to stay and do just that. I love her so much for that.

This is the longest relationship I've ever had. It took me this long to realize that you don't have to be madly in love every day. Some days you don't even have to like each other. If you treat each other with respect and gentleness and support each other then things will work out. And those days that you are madly in love are wonderful.