Hubby is mad that I won't ride......

[Starfish]

I think push back offered in love makes a relationship stronger. One can be strong, decisive, and free without being mean...

He thinks I'm just being a picky B**** and basically I just don't want to ride with him. <snip> how can I express this to him and make him believe it?

Mr. Silver, I agree. And, of course, we have not heard from the husband, but the characterization above paints a mean picture, of a husband who calls his wife a b**** and who doesn't believe her when she says it hurts...and also expresses what sounds like manipulative conclusions about how she just doesn't want to ride with him. Now, that might be a mis-characterization. And, of course, just because one party is being mean-spirited, that doesn't mean it will help if the other party takes up that mean-spirit.

But, if a guy actually is saying she's a picky b**** because she doesn't want the saddle he picked out for her, and accuses her of not wanting to ride with him, discounting her physical pain (and her words describing that pain), putting the burden on her to convince him that she is being truthful...well, sorry, that p!sses me off, and puts me in a mean mood.

Should I have compassion for him...of course, and I actually do. Could it all be a misunderstanding...of course. But, if her description is accurate...it makes me feel mean. I've seen too much damage eventually done to women that started out with subtle controlling, done in manipulative ways to make the women feel they've been too sensitive.