on yesterday's ride, a phone #

[redrhodie]

A guy I met at the lbs a couple of weeks ago rode up to me yesterday and we started talking. I stopped at the lbs, and he came with me, and as I was leaving, he gave me his # and said I should call him to go for a ride. I didn't know what to say. I have a bf, but that doesn't mean I can't ride with him. I think he was hitting on me, but maybe he really just wants someone to ride with. I should probably add, he's younger than me and on a team, so I think he must have plenty of riding buddies that are closer to his level. He also put my bike on the rack for me, and you know what that means. He's obviously in luv.

In any case, I'm flattered, but I don't know what to do. I'm considering asking one of the guys at the lbs to tactfully mention to him that I'm not single, but they're a bunch of monsters who I'm sure will find this very funny. I don't want to embarrass him (or myself, if in actuality, he just wants to ride).

In this very small state, where everyone knows everyone, it's also par for the course that his sister happens to be my hair stylist. I could mention it to her, but that may be even more embarrassing.

I could also just not call him, but I think it's inevitable that we'll meet again, and then I'll have to explain why I haven't called him for a ride.

What would you do?

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

The right thing to do is tell simply him you have a BF, and not get others involved, which would be embarrassing to both of you. The only reason to not tell/ask him yourself is because it's uncomfortable, but that's not a good enough reason to have others tell him.
If you are afraid he is actually just wanting to ride bikes and not hitting on you, then say to him straight out that you are not sure if he just wanted to ride or if he wanted to 'go out' with you. Explain to him your situation.

I guess it's ok to not call him and wait til you next see him and then if he tries again to get together- at that point you really should ask him about his 'intentions'.
There are way more tricky embarrassing things to ask a guy than this.

Still, it's sweet that he asked- either way! Good luck!

[oxysback]

Invite him on a ride with you and your bf. That should clear up any misunderstanding.

[redrhodie]

Invite him on a ride with you and your bf. That should clear up any misunderstanding.

That's brilliant!

[tulip]

Invite him on a ride with you and your bf. That should clear up any misunderstanding.

I dunno. While it gets the point across, I agree with Lisa that just asking him of his intentions and telling him you have a boyfriend is a better way to go. Although I have not always practiced the direct approach, I'm learning that it's really the best way to do things.

[Zen]

How about just don't call him.

[Cataboo]

How about getting your best friend to check with his best friend to see if he just likes you or if he likes you likes you?

[Jiffer]

I wouldn't make plans to ride solo with any guy if I had a serious boyfriend (in my case, I have a serious husband!). So regardless of whether he's hitting on you or not, I'd tell him you'd love to do a group ride with him, but not alone. If he laughs and says it's "just a ride" and he's not interested beyond that, I'd still stick to my guns and say I don't ride alone with guys unless they're "my guy". Same reason I wouldn't do just about anything alone with another guy ... go to lunch, etc.

I had a guy team up with me once when I was riding by myself. He came up behind me, started chatting with me and rode with me for several miles. Said it was safer to ride together. He was a cop, so he seemed extra protective even, making sure I was aware of cars turning right ahead of us, etc. It was a little awkward, but it wasn't a planned thing and he never hit on me. If he had asked to plan another ride together, I would have turned him down, but since it just sort of happened while we were riding, I let it go.

Anyways, those are my two cents.

[shootingstar]

I wouldn't make plans to ride solo with any guy if I had a serious boyfriend (in my case, I have a serious husband!). So regardless of whether he's hitting on you or not, I'd tell him you'd love to do a group ride with him, but not alone. If he laughs and says it's "just a ride" and he's not interested beyond that, I'd still stick to my guns and say I don't ride alone with guys unless they're "my guy". Same reason I wouldn't do just about anything alone with another guy ... go to lunch, etc.

I guess the big question, redhodie is: would this guy still ask you if you were with your BF in the LBS?

Jiffer's, tulip's or Zen's response should help.
If you and BF already knew the guy and by coincidence he and your cycling routes coincided along the way, then riding together for a piece..and bye, bye.

All the men that I know who cycle and who I've cycled with, are guys that my partner knows already and with whom he does alot of cycling advocacy work or guys I knew from my jobs who cycle ..outside of me but talk alot about cycling.

It's flattering to have attention of other cycling men, outside of dearie, but after in short time, they're just trees and shrubs (to me).

[maillotpois]

I wouldn't make plans to ride solo with any guy if I had a serious boyfriend (in my case, I have a serious husband!). So regardless of whether he's hitting on you or not, I'd tell him you'd love to do a group ride with him, but not alone. If he laughs and says it's "just a ride" and he's not interested beyond that, I'd still stick to my guns and say I don't ride alone with guys unless they're "my guy". Same reason I wouldn't do just about anything alone with another guy ... go to lunch, etc.

I would ride and have ridden many times with men who are not my husband. Some of them he knows (pepole in our riding circle), some he doesn't (Glenn and Twain, etc.). Assuming it's just a bike ride (and I know RR doesn't know what his assumptions are which is why she started this thread), it's just a bike ride. I also will go and have gone to lunch, etc., with other men, as well. Lots of this is business related, but some is social (my old friend from middle school who works across the street from me now comes to mind - I had a HUGE crush on him in middle school, but we're both happily married now and he's just fun to hang out and have lunch with sometimes).

And the shoe fits on the other foot - my husband rides with other women without me, and plays tennis with women all the time. He also has business lunches, dinners, etc., with other women.

I guess I just don't see why it's an issue.

[pinkbikes]

I would ride and have ridden many times with men who are not my husband. Some of them he knows (pepole in our riding circle), some he doesn't (Glenn and Twain, etc.). Assuming it's just a bike ride (and I know RR doesn't know what his assumptions are which is why she started this thread), it's just a bike ride. I also will go and have gone to lunch, etc., with other men, as well. Lots of this is business related, but some is social (my old friend from middle school who works across the street from me now comes to mind - I had a HUGE crush on him in middle school, but we're both happily married now and he's just fun to hang out and have lunch with sometimes).

And the shoe fits on the other foot - my husband rides with other women without me, and plays tennis with women all the time. He also has business lunches, dinners, etc., with other women.

I guess I just don't see why it's an issue.

Yep - I think I'm here too. When DH and I started going out our first date was a bike ride! We spent a lot of years riding together with various other friends (all male) and much of the time I struggled with his riding style and my ability (or lack thereof) to hang onto his wheel.

Over the years we've been on bikes, off bikes, on bikes again and since we have had the DD it is hard to manage to get out to ride at the same time - we really hardly ever ride together (as a regular thing) since one of us is at home with the DD.

I also work with a bunch of cycle mad boys. So I have a large collection of boys I ride with. He has a collection of boys he rides with. Sometimes he send me out with his collection of boys if he is not feeling up to it.

He also collects girls. Always has, always will. He has a collection of girls at work and a collection of girls at the gym (I don't do the gym). We both went shopping to help the girls from the gym buy bikes. Sometimes they ride with him. And since they are so flipping slow, we take them riding together and DD can even keep up!

I ride with one or more of my bunch of boys all the time. They are all younger than me. And they are all goofballs. It's fun.

RR, maybe he just wants to enjoy some cruisy riding with a goofball? And that's all good! The question is probably whether you enjoy riding with him and how secure your BF is about that?

[withm]

Some times a bike ride is just a bike ride. No ulterior motive. It's not like he's a total stranger. If you are compatible riders, I'd give it a shot.

[Cataboo]

My bf would probably be happy if I rode with another guy & someone else had to deal with me being slow up hills, being grumpy when the bike doesn't shift right, or bonking and needing cliff shot blocks.

That being said, I ride without him, and he typically doesn't bother to ride without me, although complaining about the inconveniences of waiting for me...


Although, lately I'm keeping up with him enough that he's the one ending up with leg cramps or exhausted.

[ttaylor508]

I'd say since it has already been several weeks and you have not made contact he may have forgotten about the invite. If you see him again and he brings it up, you could just say "BF and I are planning a ride on Saturday, want to join us" then he knows you aren't single and he may or may not show up. If he shows up, then you know he just wanted a riding buddy, if not, maybe he wanted more.

[redrhodie]

I'd say since it has already been several weeks and you have not made contact he may have forgotten about the invite. If you see him again and he brings it up, you could just say "BF and I are planning a ride on Saturday, want to join us" then he knows you aren't single and he may or may not show up. If he shows up, then you know he just wanted a riding buddy, if not, maybe he wanted more.

Huh? I got the # last night. Actually, inviting him along with me and bf would be great if bf rode with me more than once a year! Ah, the glitch. I'd never be able to convince bf to come along.

I'd like to ride with him sometime, once I'm sure he's not papering his bedroom with images of me. I hope you know I'm joking. Luckily, he's not creepy. He just seems like a sweet kid. He's a bit of a goof, and so am I. We'd have fun riding together.

Bf doesn't have a problem with me riding with a guy alone, btw. He's strangely secure. I wonder why that is? I think he thinks he's the only one crazy enough to like me like me .