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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Western Canada-prairies, mountain & ocean
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    making drastic changes in life

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    Pax's situation of her health vs. a new place/climate made me reflect on personal choices why people move to different places far from where they lived for many years/grew up.

    In my own social circle of long standing friends over past few decades , I've been the one that has relocated the furthest and several times several thousand km. away from where I spent childhood and university years. I've never lived overseas outside of Canada. And don't have a need now or in future. So probably sound like a homebody Canadian. I am not certain having family who immigrated from Asia, has given me an extra dose of reality through their eyes on what Canada offers vs. other areas of the world where there are more profound gaps between rich and poor, infrastructure and social service support, etc.

    Friends have relocated several times to cities approx. 100-350 km. away from where they started in childhood. A learning thing in the end, for a person even if experience was not great.

    Choosing a totally different geographic region for purposes of job is a different "lens" on adjustment and only slightly mitigated by the reality of earning money vs. being in a less personal desirable choice location.
    Last edited by shootingstar; 05-24-2016 at 04:08 AM.
    My Personal blog on cycling & other favourite passions.
    遙知馬力日久見人心 Over a long distance, you learn about the strength of your horse; over a long period of time, you get to know whatís in a personís heart.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    IL/FL
    Posts
    3,863
    I've lived my entire life on the move, so I don't find it unusual. Grew up in a military family and attended 14 schools before high school. As an adult I've moved dozens of times, some in town, some across the country. I love being new places and experiencing new things, this most recent move was to get out of the cold and have a home base for travel. I think itch feet are just part of my DNA.

    My brother, born and raised the exact same as me has done a 180 from this, he has spent his entire adult life entrenching himself so he never has to face new people or situations except on the occasional vacation.

    Electra Townie 7D

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Montreal, QC
    Posts
    773
    I, too, moved so much when I was up to 18 (going through different schools in same year) that I don't care much where I live, as long as I'm happy. My plan in 2-4 years is to become more of a nomad and do the motorhome life until I get bored of it. As for hubby, he never moved from day 1...until he moved in with me. And talking about changes is oh...so hard. He's more rooted than I am for sure. He knew when we met that one day I'd be on the go again. It is a either follow me...or I go by myself. Limited options but have some. I stood by him for 30 years now because of his parents (now both deceased - mine are too), and his job. But once retired in the next few years...it will be on my ground! I have nothing but our jobs keeping us here. So once the jobs are over and done with...rock my world!

    I've been talking to him for years now as I have to get him "ready" for this move at retirement. Once he owns something, no matter what, it is hard to let go. Just to get him to sort out his stuff is something. Baby steps...true baby steps! I don't accumulate and don't get attached to anything. I'm here today, have that today, but who cares for tomorrow. Just sell and move on.

    It will be interesting to see how we will be dealing with this. He agrees to it. But the future (not knowing where he will be at "x" date) scares him, destabilizes him. Me. Nah. They have stores, food, and hospital anywhere I plan to go. That is good enough for me.
    Last edited by Helene2013; 05-24-2016 at 07:26 AM.
    Helene
    Riding a 2014 Specialized Amira LS4 Expert - aka The Zebra!
    2015 Specialized Crux e5 - aka Bora Bora bike

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    northern Virginia
    Posts
    5,828
    I have a friend who also grew up in a military family and moved a lot when he was growing up. He does love to travel and is adventurous but since moving to the DC area in high school he has put down roots here and remains here decades later even though his family has all moved farther south. He once told me that the closest thing he had to a childhood home was his grandparents' house. On the other hand, I grew up in the house that my father has lived in since he was 12. He's still living there at 80 years old. I was eager to move away for college, moved again for grad school and later moved to the DC area because I felt I needed a change in environment. But that was 19 years ago -- right now I have no desire to uproot again. If I do move to another part of the country at some point it will be so I can be closer to family.

    One reason I don't want to move is that it took a long time for me to feel settled here with a good community of friends. I just don't want to have to start over. However I wouldn't mind setting up a second home someplace with warmer winters -- if only I had the money.

    I had a neighbor here who moved to Mississippi a few years back to be closer to family. He didn't want to move, but was a single retiree who felt he would need to live near his family as he got older and would be less able to live independently due to possible health problems.

    - Gray Trek Madone 4.7 road bike, mystery crack in top tube repaired by Calfee, Bontrager Affinity RXL saddle
    - Red Trek 6000 mountain bike, Bontrager Evoke WSD saddle

    Gone but not forgotten:
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    - Two awesome and worn out Juliana saddles

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    northern Virginia
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    5,828
    Quote Originally Posted by Helene2013 View Post
    I, too, moved so much when I was up to 18 (going through different schools in same year) that I don't care much where I live, as long as I'm happy. My plan in 2-4 years is to become more of a nomad and do the motorhome life until I get bored of it. As for hubby, he never moved from day 1...until he moved in with me. And talking about changes is oh...so hard. He's more rooted than I am for sure. He knew when we met that one day I'd be on the go again. It is a either follow me...or I go by myself. Limited options but have some. I stood by him for 30 years now because of his parents (now both deceased - mine are too), and his job. But once retired in the next few years...it will be on my ground! I have nothing but our jobs keeping us here. So once the jobs are over and done with...rock my world!

    I've been talking to him for years now as I have to get him "ready" for this move at retirement. Once he owns something, no matter what, it is hard to let go. Just to get him to sort out his stuff is something. Baby steps...true baby steps! I don't accumulate and don't get attached to anything. I'm here today, have that today, but who cares for tomorrow. Just sell and move on.

    It will be interesting to see how we will be dealing with this. He agrees to it. But the future (not knowing where he will be at "x" date scares him, destabilizes him). Me. Nah. They have stores, food, and hospital anywhere I plan to go. That is good enough for me.
    I am not unlike your husband in this regard. Not so much afraid but heavily dependant on routine. Breaking my routine causes way too much stress for me. So it's something I need to prepare for -- when it is forced on me unexpectedly I don't deal well at all.

    - Gray Trek Madone 4.7 road bike, mystery crack in top tube repaired by Calfee, Bontrager Affinity RXL saddle
    - Red Trek 6000 mountain bike, Bontrager Evoke WSD saddle

    Gone but not forgotten:
    - Silver Trek 2000 road bike
    - Two awesome and worn out Juliana saddles

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Montreal, QC
    Posts
    773
    That is exactly him. If a routine is changed (and God I can be good at that ALL the time!) he is totally taken off guard and it can get messy. hihi He just does not understand how I can be like I am. He wished he could be like me (not a care in the world for stuff like that). He says this is what he loves about me: never a boring or dull moment. When I'm "quiet" is when I'm sick. I can change his weekend plan 2-3 times. So imagine if he had something in-line (like some house chores to do) and I tell him that I have this "brilliant" idea...and he has to shuffle stuff around...fun fun fun. haha In the end, he said my move was a better one. Sure... after all those discussions. You should have listened to me first. hihi

    Rarely something important worries me (even losing a job, or needing to turn around quickly for something urgent, etc). Him....the end of the world just landed over his head!
    Helene
    Riding a 2014 Specialized Amira LS4 Expert - aka The Zebra!
    2015 Specialized Crux e5 - aka Bora Bora bike

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    IL/FL
    Posts
    3,863
    NY, my wife is exactly the same. With this asthma thing I'd rather retire early and hit the road, travel to find a better place. That is WAY too much upheaval for her and it's stresses her unbelievably to even consider it. So if we have to go, it will be back to the hometown until she settles in and preps to retire, then I could very slowly introduce any possible change.

    Electra Townie 7D

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,101
    I've moved a lot, but I am kind of done. We might buy a second home, but I am basically not going anywhere, except to travel. I am OK when I can control the change and when I initiate it. I can even be fine when it's imposed by work or others, but I do have a breaking point, usually shows up by my stomach rebelling orother physical symptoms. I have no trouble changing plans for a weekend, etc., but I used to be somewhat inflexible. I do like routine, but nothing what Helene describes in her husband. And I can get rid of stuff with no problem. I don't hold attachments to "stuff," maybe more to places.
    2015 Trek Silque SSL
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    2011 Guru Praemio
    Specialized Oura

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Indianapolis, Indiana
    Posts
    10,952
    From age 12-42 I either lived or traveled in pretty much every part of the US. I even lived in Vancouver, BC back in '83 for about 6 months - it was interesting seeing my country from outside of my country. I've never regretted that and that was when people were moving to Canada from Hong Kong ahead of the British lease running out. Most of my moves were from just pure rebellion - especially in my teens and 20's. I was a hippie - or whatever we actually were in the '70's, I was a rolling stone. I didn't move so much in my 30's - but I made several large moves for both work and to get to where I could build a better life. Did I succeed at that? It depends on who answers the question but I think so.

    Since coming to Indiana in 2000 for graduate school things have changed. Same job since 2012, though I seem to move to a new apartment every 4 years or so. Starting to get that itch again, now that I think about it, but will likely resist that itch as I like a lot of things about my current place. I don't have that much "stuff" and I always weed things further every time I move. I hate moving - as odd as that might sound. While there are many things I dislike about Indiana currently, and I doubt I would move here now if I weren't already here, there are things I like about my life here so I consider myself fortunate. If I did get a good job offer from location where different lifestyles and orientations were more welcome then I would go like a shot - but at my age I somehow don't see that happening.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    north woods of Wisconsin
    Posts
    631
    My family moved around a lot when I was a kid, then we moved around a lot during my first marriage for the sake of employment, then after I was single, again, more moving for the sake of a job. As I approached retirement age, I began to wonder if I would ever really get the "I am home" feeling that so many of my friends and siblings claimed to have.

    My mother, though, was born and raised in the north woods of Minnesota and during our summers, she always took us on a canoe trips and rented a cabin on a lake, not just for our sake, but because the north woods were home for her. That planted the seed in me, I guess, because when it came time for my husband and I to retire, he asked me where I wanted to live for the rest of my life and I wasted no time saying, the north woods.

    I have that "I am home" feeling, now, for the first time in my life - long cold winters, bears, loons, mosquitoes and all. It's not for everyone, but with so many of us, up here, winter is a positive thing, something to enjoy, not something to be dreaded. Our home is on a quiet lake, one of 1100 lakes in our country. I can go canoeing, fishing, cross country skiing and more, any time I want, just by stepping out our back door. Crazy me, I just can't understand why anyone would live anywhere, else, now. Life is good, in our north woods.

    I hope and pray all of you find your "I am at home" place, too.
    Last edited by north woods gal; 05-24-2016 at 05:06 PM.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Western Canada-prairies, mountain & ocean
    Posts
    6,981
    Love some of these personal stories!

    Drastic relocation from one city/region/climate area may need to be weighed against other drastic life changes caused by loss of partner / family member, etc.

    Sure I spent lst 40 yrs. in 4 cities in southern Ontario -- before British Columbia, then Alberta. A significant life experience imprint on me, was the destabilizing, childhood phase of learning English starting in kindergarten. Extra ESL support continued for next 2 years for me. Though born in Canada, I never learned English until school. So in essence, I understand in my heart, intimately, what a non-English speaking immigrant feels like. The experience was nearly equal to moving to a different linguistic /country to live, where you are forced to learn to survive. No choice and it was a major upheaval.

    "I am at home" place as north woods gal alludes to....to me, is feeling loved/accepted in a place/community where one feels safe, healthy with local possible avenues of more learning / exploration.
    Last edited by shootingstar; 05-24-2016 at 05:49 PM.
    My Personal blog on cycling & other favourite passions.
    遙知馬力日久見人心 Over a long distance, you learn about the strength of your horse; over a long period of time, you get to know whatís in a personís heart.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    501
    We moved 11 times before I turned 11. And I seem to have the gypsy gene in my blood. I have lived in over 15 different apartments since turning 21. I've moved away and returned to Seattle 4 times now; to and from Denver twice; all over California (as a travel nurse), and even lived in Australia for 6 months. While I love adventure and traveling, I can't help but think I keep moving to find happiness - and yet it still eludes me. I love the city of Seattle yet hate the traffic, especially now with Amazon taking over - it's become a nightmare to go anywhere during waking hours, and forget about house affordability. Once I'm done with school, I'd love to find a warm climate, or at least an area with a lot of sun. I'm thinking I may return to Colorado, although torn because I have many memories of being there with my ex and know it will be a difficult emotional transition; or maybe to California, although it's hard to imagine I'd find a place up to my standards and affordable for my salary. I'd love to be able to put down permanent roots somewhere - at least for longer than a couple of years.
    2014 Surly Straggler
    2012 Salsa Casseroll - STOLEN

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,940
    I am glad that you started this thread. Ever since I read Pax's failed experiment I have been nervously questioning our retirement plans. Given a choice, my hubs would sell it all do the motor home thing. I need a home base. Unfortunately this will not be able to be our home base because of the property taxes. It is so expensive to live here that we are going to have to move. Even if we downsize, which we plan to do, we still would have outrageous taxes. I am not tied to "stuff", but I have lived and worked in the same town for over 20 years.

    So in our summer travels for the past few years, we have been picking spots and going for a few weeks with the intention of "could I live here?" We need a lower cost of living and would like to be closer to the outdoor activities that we love, and drive long distances to do. I also want to be past of a community. I like knowing the folks at yoga class, or having a biking group.

    We have spent lots of time out west, my Mom retired there. Love Colorado, but up in the mountains, again very expensive. We love east coast mountains, NY, and Maine, but I am not sure I want to live there. So this year we are heading to new territory, western NC and revisiting NH to spend some time in the Whites. I have high hopes for NC. If we like it we plan to start to travel there lots of the new few years and maybe rent long term before we make a jump.

    It will be tough to leave here when the time comes only because I am comfortable here. My closest friends are spread all over and I know we will make new friends where ever we go. Most of the time it is just the two of us anyway. I only have one sibling left. DH has family, but is only close to one of his sibs. So we are not leaving kids and grandkids.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,101
    I love the Whites, but I hate NH, if you understand what I mean. The "Live Free or Die" mentality is real, and plays itself out in the lack of services and the constant refrain of "no new taxes." NH still does not have mandatory kindergarten. I always caution people to not overlook the political climate and culture of a place, because no amount of good weather or physical beauty can make up for that.
    North Woods, you describe exactly how I feel about Massachusetts. I still remember how I felt when the plane landed, when I moved back here, after 23 years. Sure, a lot has changed since I was a kid, but it was the best thing we ever did. I always have a difficult time explaining why we left AZ; we both had terrific jobs, lived in a great city and had tons of friends. But, I knew it wasn't what I wanted. When a couple of my friends started flying to LA, to buy gold jewelry, something in me snapped. I am glad I lived in 3 other places, because it gives me a perspective that others don't have here. I hate when people complain about the weather (I'd take this over months of endless summer; boring) and like you North Woods, winter is something I embrace.
    2015 Trek Silque SSL
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    2011 Guru Praemio
    Specialized Oura

  15. #15
    Jolt is offline Dodging the potholes...
    Join Date
    May 2007
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    Southern Maine
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    1,677
    Quote Originally Posted by Crankin View Post
    I've moved a lot, but I am kind of done. We might buy a second home, but I am basically not going anywhere, except to travel. I am OK when I can control the change and when I initiate it. I can even be fine when it's imposed by work or others, but I do have a breaking point, usually shows up by my stomach rebelling orother physical symptoms. I have no trouble changing plans for a weekend, etc., but I used to be somewhat inflexible. I do like routine, but nothing what Helene describes in her husband. And I can get rid of stuff with no problem. I don't hold attachments to "stuff," maybe more to places.
    We moved a few times growing up (dad's work) and I have no desire to do that now as an adult OR to put my kids through that when I have them…changing schools was not always a great experience. Even as an adult it is still stressful to have to start over making friends etc. in a new place and now that I am settled here in a place that I like with a good job, my plan is to stick around. I am all for traveling and seeing new places and would like to do more of it, but feel much better having a consistent home base to return to. As far as changes in general, I feel much the same way as far as it being easier to handle it if it was my idea…and if it's not then I'd better be given plenty of warning!
    2011 Surly LHT
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