making drastic changes in life

[Crankin]

I've moved a lot, but I am kind of done. We might buy a second home, but I am basically not going anywhere, except to travel. I am OK when I can control the change and when I initiate it. I can even be fine when it's imposed by work or others, but I do have a breaking point, usually shows up by my stomach rebelling orother physical symptoms. I have no trouble changing plans for a weekend, etc., but I used to be somewhat inflexible. I do like routine, but nothing what Helene describes in her husband. And I can get rid of stuff with no problem. I don't hold attachments to "stuff," maybe more to places.

[Catrin]

From age 12-42 I either lived or traveled in pretty much every part of the US. I even lived in Vancouver, BC back in '83 for about 6 months - it was interesting seeing my country from outside of my country. I've never regretted that and that was when people were moving to Canada from Hong Kong ahead of the British lease running out. Most of my moves were from just pure rebellion - especially in my teens and 20's. I was a hippie - or whatever we actually were in the '70's, I was a rolling stone. I didn't move so much in my 30's - but I made several large moves for both work and to get to where I could build a better life. Did I succeed at that? It depends on who answers the question but I think so.

Since coming to Indiana in 2000 for graduate school things have changed. Same job since 2012, though I seem to move to a new apartment every 4 years or so. Starting to get that itch again, now that I think about it, but will likely resist that itch as I like a lot of things about my current place. I don't have that much "stuff" and I always weed things further every time I move. I hate moving - as odd as that might sound. While there are many things I dislike about Indiana currently, and I doubt I would move here now if I weren't already here, there are things I like about my life here so I consider myself fortunate. If I did get a good job offer from location where different lifestyles and orientations were more welcome then I would go like a shot - but at my age I somehow don't see that happening.

[north woods gal]

My family moved around a lot when I was a kid, then we moved around a lot during my first marriage for the sake of employment, then after I was single, again, more moving for the sake of a job. As I approached retirement age, I began to wonder if I would ever really get the "I am home" feeling that so many of my friends and siblings claimed to have.

My mother, though, was born and raised in the north woods of Minnesota and during our summers, she always took us on a canoe trips and rented a cabin on a lake, not just for our sake, but because the north woods were home for her. That planted the seed in me, I guess, because when it came time for my husband and I to retire, he asked me where I wanted to live for the rest of my life and I wasted no time saying, the north woods.

I have that "I am home" feeling, now, for the first time in my life - long cold winters, bears, loons, mosquitoes and all. It's not for everyone, but with so many of us, up here, winter is a positive thing, something to enjoy, not something to be dreaded. Our home is on a quiet lake, one of 1100 lakes in our country. I can go canoeing, fishing, cross country skiing and more, any time I want, just by stepping out our back door. Crazy me, I just can't understand why anyone would live anywhere, else, now. Life is good, in our north woods.

I hope and pray all of you find your "I am at home" place, too.

[shootingstar]

Love some of these personal stories!

Drastic relocation from one city/region/climate area may need to be weighed against other drastic life changes caused by loss of partner / family member, etc.

Sure I spent lst 40 yrs. in 4 cities in southern Ontario -- before British Columbia, then Alberta. A significant life experience imprint on me, was the destabilizing, childhood phase of learning English starting in kindergarten. Extra ESL support continued for next 2 years for me. Though born in Canada, I never learned English until school. So in essence, I understand in my heart, intimately, what a non-English speaking immigrant feels like. The experience was nearly equal to moving to a different linguistic /country to live, where you are forced to learn to survive. No choice and it was a major upheaval.

"I am at home" place as north woods gal alludes to....to me, is feeling loved/accepted in a place/community where one feels safe, healthy with local possible avenues of more learning / exploration.

[VeganBikeChick]

We moved 11 times before I turned 11. And I seem to have the gypsy gene in my blood. I have lived in over 15 different apartments since turning 21. I've moved away and returned to Seattle 4 times now; to and from Denver twice; all over California (as a travel nurse), and even lived in Australia for 6 months. While I love adventure and traveling, I can't help but think I keep moving to find happiness - and yet it still eludes me. I love the city of Seattle yet hate the traffic, especially now with Amazon taking over - it's become a nightmare to go anywhere during waking hours, and forget about house affordability. Once I'm done with school, I'd love to find a warm climate, or at least an area with a lot of sun. I'm thinking I may return to Colorado, although torn because I have many memories of being there with my ex and know it will be a difficult emotional transition; or maybe to California, although it's hard to imagine I'd find a place up to my standards and affordable for my salary. I'd love to be able to put down permanent roots somewhere - at least for longer than a couple of years.

[rocknrollgirl]

I am glad that you started this thread. Ever since I read Pax's failed experiment I have been nervously questioning our retirement plans. Given a choice, my hubs would sell it all do the motor home thing. I need a home base. Unfortunately this will not be able to be our home base because of the property taxes. It is so expensive to live here that we are going to have to move. Even if we downsize, which we plan to do, we still would have outrageous taxes. I am not tied to "stuff", but I have lived and worked in the same town for over 20 years.

So in our summer travels for the past few years, we have been picking spots and going for a few weeks with the intention of "could I live here?" We need a lower cost of living and would like to be closer to the outdoor activities that we love, and drive long distances to do. I also want to be past of a community. I like knowing the folks at yoga class, or having a biking group.

We have spent lots of time out west, my Mom retired there. Love Colorado, but up in the mountains, again very expensive. We love east coast mountains, NY, and Maine, but I am not sure I want to live there. So this year we are heading to new territory, western NC and revisiting NH to spend some time in the Whites. I have high hopes for NC. If we like it we plan to start to travel there lots of the new few years and maybe rent long term before we make a jump.

It will be tough to leave here when the time comes only because I am comfortable here. My closest friends are spread all over and I know we will make new friends where ever we go. Most of the time it is just the two of us anyway. I only have one sibling left. DH has family, but is only close to one of his sibs. So we are not leaving kids and grandkids.

[Crankin]

I love the Whites, but I hate NH, if you understand what I mean. The "Live Free or Die" mentality is real, and plays itself out in the lack of services and the constant refrain of "no new taxes." NH still does not have mandatory kindergarten. I always caution people to not overlook the political climate and culture of a place, because no amount of good weather or physical beauty can make up for that.
North Woods, you describe exactly how I feel about Massachusetts. I still remember how I felt when the plane landed, when I moved back here, after 23 years. Sure, a lot has changed since I was a kid, but it was the best thing we ever did. I always have a difficult time explaining why we left AZ; we both had terrific jobs, lived in a great city and had tons of friends. But, I knew it wasn't what I wanted. When a couple of my friends started flying to LA, to buy gold jewelry, something in me snapped. I am glad I lived in 3 other places, because it gives me a perspective that others don't have here. I hate when people complain about the weather (I'd take this over months of endless summer; boring) and like you North Woods, winter is something I embrace.

[Jolt]

I've moved a lot, but I am kind of done. We might buy a second home, but I am basically not going anywhere, except to travel. I am OK when I can control the change and when I initiate it. I can even be fine when it's imposed by work or others, but I do have a breaking point, usually shows up by my stomach rebelling orother physical symptoms. I have no trouble changing plans for a weekend, etc., but I used to be somewhat inflexible. I do like routine, but nothing what Helene describes in her husband. And I can get rid of stuff with no problem. I don't hold attachments to "stuff," maybe more to places.

We moved a few times growing up (dad's work) and I have no desire to do that now as an adult OR to put my kids through that when I have them…changing schools was not always a great experience. Even as an adult it is still stressful to have to start over making friends etc. in a new place and now that I am settled here in a place that I like with a good job, my plan is to stick around. I am all for traveling and seeing new places and would like to do more of it, but feel much better having a consistent home base to return to. As far as changes in general, I feel much the same way as far as it being easier to handle it if it was my idea…and if it's not then I'd better be given plenty of warning!

[OakLeaf]

Me too. Moving, even the twice-yearly move I do now (DH's choice, not mine), is a HUGE trigger for the instability of my childhood. The idea of "home" itself is a trigger, a heavily loaded concept my whole life. And the feeling of "coming home" - there's a song by a local band that tells the story of the singer driving back to Ohio, and with each verse, as he gets closer, he realizes more and more how homesick he's been, until by the time the song ends he's decided to come back permanently. One spring I was driving back home and that song came on just as I was crossing the border from West Virginia, and I very nearly had to pull over and bawl.

It's been a factor in some of my health-related choices, too. I know this life isn't permanent, no matter what I do, so the least disruption I can have for the longest amount of time, is the best I can ever hope for.

[north woods gal]

Thank you, all for sharing your stories. I can identify with something in each of them. Since this is a bike forum, I would also like to add that in all my traveling and living across the country, one coast to the other, though good times and some very bad times, my bicycling has been one of the few constants in my life. There were times when it was my only means of transportation, so very practical, of course, but bicycling has always been my therapy, especially when dealing with loneliness and other life issues. My friends used to accuse me of riding to keep one step ahead of my troubles and I suspect they were right. What is there about the movement and constant change of scenery and vistas while riding that so soothes the mind? I really don't know, but it has always worked for me and still very much does, even after all these years. May your riding bring you peace, as my riding has done for me.

[rocknrollgirl]

I love the Whites, but I hate NH, if you understand what I mean. The "Live Free or Die" mentality is real, and plays itself out in the lack of services and the constant refrain of "no new taxes." NH still does not have mandatory kindergarten. I always caution people to not overlook the political climate and culture of a place, because no amount of good weather or physical beauty can make up for that


Fortunately we have traveled enough to know better than to make that mistake. I LOVE some spots up in the Adirondacks, but I could not live there due to lack of services. We currently live in a resort area, so I do not want to do that again either. Speaking of which, summer technically starts this weekend, here comes the bumper to bumper traffic!

[north woods gal]

Yeah, I remembered moving to the west, may, many years, ago, the idea being to head to the mountains to get away from it all and the crowds. Well, after driving all day on the Fourth weekend in the mountains of Idaho to find a campsite that had a vacancy, we ended up in a motel, instead. So much for getting away from it all.

[Helene2013]

I love the Whites, but I hate NH, if you understand what I mean. The "Live Free or Die" mentality is real, and plays itself out in the lack of services and the constant refrain of "no new taxes." NH still does not have mandatory kindergarten. I always caution people to not overlook the political climate and culture of a place, because no amount of good weather or physical beauty can make up for that


Fortunately we have traveled enough to know better than to make that mistake. I LOVE some spots up in the Adirondacks, but I could not live there due to lack of services. We currently live in a resort area, so I do not want to do that again either. Speaking of which, summer technically starts this weekend, here comes the bumper to bumper traffic!

ahhhh but you'll have quite a few less Canadians in the Mountains due to the high exchange rates in our $$$. So less traffic for you. hihi

We LOVE Vermont, NH and Maine and Mass... always vacation there. Well a lot.

[Crankin]

I also love Vermont and Maine. Mostly Vermont. As a kid, all we did was go to the Cape every summer and my DH was kind of flabbergasted I had never been to VT, only been to NH because my dad owned a factory over the border from MA, and Maine once or twice because my dad's parents used to vacation in Ogunquit. I had never been to the Berkshires, either. My family stayed in place, until we moved to FL, then AZ. My parents ended up in San Diego, so they did travel somewhat within that state. They didn't have the $ to travel extensively then, but they could have when I was a kid. It just wasn't "done."
RnR, I also live in a tourist place. It's just an outer suburb,, semi-rural in spots, but because of the historical stuff that happened here, we get tons of tourists, from all over the world, from March-December. It was annoying before I moved to the condo, as I had to drive through the town center, near all of the historical sites, to go to work. Now that I live in West Concord, no tourists come here. It's too artsy and down to earth. We do get a few from the city coming to the village center (hey, I live in a town with 2 "downtowns"), but it's not the same as giant buses with tourists taking pictures of me on my bike! This is the thing that might stop me from buying a second home in Great Barrington. Although it feels like a Massachusetts town, with real people, there are tons of New Yorkers (apologies to those of you from NY) who have second homes there, or have moved there. It is not something I deal well with, probably ingrained from myf family, and I try to be non-judgmental. It's not like Stockbridge or Lenox, which may as well not be in MA. Time will tell...

[rebeccaC]

Does anyone else find such decisions, about moving to find the "right" fit, complicated by being half of a couple?

For me...and this being a drastic change thread...being in a relationship that for the first time has the possibility of marriage I’ve been thinking a lot about and having conversations with Alex about being a committed couple and all that means.
Both of us think it’s important to have these conversations. We both feel one of a relationship’s important aspects is based on how differences are dealt with and that we are all shaped by different dynamics.
Our understanding and respecting each other's choices, our words of affirmation, our life’s ethos, how we deal with trusting one another, how we make decisions together are just some of the things that can make a marriage easier if we take time to work out our feelings in an honest and caring way before....that's what we're thinking anyway. Relationships are hard and marriage is even harder....i know good, bad and ended ones.

Every love story is beautiful, but Alexandra’s and mine is my favorite.


‘The negative feelings we all have can be addictive…just as the positive…it’s up to
us to decide which ones we want to choose and feed”… pema