A little milestone for me

[rij73]

Hi gang,

Just want to report that I went on my first solo road ride in the country this weekend! Here in the city I ride by myself all the time. But, on weekends we've been going up to NW Connecticut pretty often to ride the country roads. I've always gone with DH even though he pushes me too hard and by the end of the ride I am almost always miserable.

Well, this weekend he wanted to go 80 very hilly miles. He is building up to a century. We agreed that there was no way I was even going to try to join him.

I struggled a lot with the notion of going on a ride by myself. I thought of many reasons not to do it. The main reason I was so chicken about it is because I'm really a city girl. Even when Kevin is with me, I feel just a little apprehensive riding on those country roads. It just feels so isolated (even though there are plenty of houses ). I kept thinking about getting a flat tire, being harrassed by drivers, etc. I'm just a weenie.

Anyway... I finally geared up the little courage I have and hopped on my bike yesterday morning while Kevin was out doing his 80-miler. I had planned out a 30-mile route. I've ridden further than that before exhaustion set in, but I thought I'd play it conservatively for my first solo outing. You should have seen how I printed out 6 pages of maps and highlighted my route with mileage indications at each turn. I'm such a complete dork. But, I was in the area where Kevin grew up, and I swear I will never learn my way around. I'm used to just following him all the time.

I'm happy to report that the ride went off without the slightest hitch! I didn't get lost, I didn't crash, I didn't get harrassed, all the drivers passed me cautiously (except one guy in a Hummer who came way too close ), and I had a great time! Also, since I was alone, I just rode at my own pace (turtle-like), so I didn't get over-tired or cranky like I usually do with Kevin. It was an eye-opening experience, to say the least. I got home feeling empowered and very independent!

You know, I also realized that there is no need for me to feel badly about my slow speed. Kevin is always trying to push me to work harder, go faster, etc. He says that the road bike is wasted on me at my average speed. I was believing that and feeling kind of down about biking lately. But, I was struck by an epiphany on my solo ride. So what if I'm slow?! I enjoy my biking, I loooooove my road bike, and I'm in much better shape than when I did nothing.

So, now, I think I just have to get over the fact that I imagined biking as something Kevin and I could enjoy together. It's turning out to be something we both enjoy but need to do separately. In fact, it was fun to trade ride reports after we both got home yesterday. We each did our thing and enjoyed it. Nothing wrong with that...

[Aggie_Ama]

Sometimes it is nice to ride alone although I get bored over 40 miles without company. I still prefer to ride with my speedy DH but he uses it as easy days in the midst of race training. I can do long rides with him but it is turtle paced. Example he did a mountainous 85 miler in 6 hours pedal time (including slowing for me when on the flats), it took me just shy of 8 hours. He can climb, I can make it to the top and that is all I will claim.

[pardes]

Great job, rij73! It really is an epiphany when you discover the joy of riding just for the joy of riding.

I would think that your dear husband will eventually realize what he is missing out on and will join your slower rides for the camaraderie. But the separate tripping is a good idea too. Everthing in moderation and balance.

Happy riding!

[Grog]

I'm glad you had a good time there. Ride your ride and enjoy! You will only get stronger for it.

[mimitabby]

Congrats on your big solo ride.

Too bad about your husband. Mine has said negative things to me from time to time and they really smart (these comments really bug me and stay with me too). (Fortunately for me, my DH is generally speaking a very very supportive helpful ride mate)

Your bike is not wasted on you.

And this year my DH has finally been able to slow down to ride with me. It's GREAT!

[bluebug32]

Awesome accomplishment!!!

[BarbaraAlys]

That IS a big accomplishment! I have a hard time getting myself to ride alone on the bike trail, so heading off onto roads that you are not sure of (regardless of how often you road them with Kevin being alone is different) and doing 30 miles is great.

Barbara

[rij73]

Thanks for the replies...

I didn't mean to make DH sound so ogre-like. He really is a great guy. He just has funny ideas about how to motivate me. My self-esteem is a little fragile, and he doesn't really know what to say to keep me going. He's the type who responds to criticism by trying harder. I need more positive input than he does.

[mimitabby]

Thanks for the replies...

I didn't mean to make DH sound so ogre-like. He really is a great guy. He just has funny ideas about how to motivate me. My self-esteem is a little fragile, and he doesn't really know what to say to keep me going. He's the type who responds to criticism by trying harder. I need more positive input than he does.

exactly. My DH has done the same thing, thinking it would help. When in fact, it just hurt my feelings and made me mad. You and I are the same in that respect.

[Blueberry]

rij73 - Congratulations on your ride!! I still work to not get into the mind games of "what if" when riding alone. Some days I do better than others. Sounds like you're off to a great start!!!

Too bad about your husband. Mine has said negative things to me from time to time and they really smart (these comments really bug me and stay with me too). (Fortunately for me, my DH is generally speaking a very very supportive helpful ride mate)

This is so totally my DH that it's not funny. He will ride with me, tries to "coach" me, and is generally supportive of all things riding related (including the fact that I want a new bike). He's really an awesome guy - sometimes he just doesn't think before speaking (or "get" why his comments would sting).

Choice comments:

On the tandem (after I had been hill training my fanny off): "You're sucking less back there."

After flying up a hill and waiting on me to huff and puff: "That wasn't hard. They call that a hill??"

After zooming ahead into a headwind: "Are you actually working hard to go that slowly?! Looked like you were out for an easy spin (as sweat poured off of me)."

"Are you still tweaking your bike fit?! What's wrong with you that you can't just have a bike fit. I'm sick of your fit issues."

The tandem *does* help - we ride together (which is nice). We just need to work on technique. And he really, truly just doesn't get why the above comments might be hurtful. *sigh*

ETA: Ditto the comments about needing more positive reinforcement than criticism. I'm working on my self esteem, but it's low. I just left a job that took darned near everything out of me, including most of my self esteem. I'm better off without it, but it's taking a while to rebuild.

CA

[Misandal]

Wow, reading about "helpful husbands" makes me glad mine doesn't share my hobby!

As the lone cyclist in the family, I often train alone. My husband and I have our own business, so we live together and work together. I enjoy my solo rides for the solitude - no ringing phone, no one asking me for anything, just me and my bike. It's a beautiful thing.

[Biker Jo]

Wow, reading about "helpful husbands" makes me glad mine doesn't share my hobby!

And it makes me glad I'm single!!

[Jiffer]

My first nine months of riding were all on a road tandem, with dh. When I got my own bike, I rode primarily on my own (unless I was on the tandem). I got frustrated, as well, trying to keep up with other people. No point in trying to keep up with dh, but he will sometimes "hang back" with me. But that's why we have the tandem. We can both ride our ability level and be together.

So, I got used to my solo rides and kind of preferred it that way a lot of the time. My two closest cycling buddies rarely ride on their own, but when we got together, I was always the slowest and that was so frustrating. However, I finally got good enough to hang better with them and feel so empowered to be able to do so. I've been riding a LOT with one of them as we are both training for the Amtrak century. We are pretty much the same level and it's such an accomplishment for me.

I do recommend you look for a riding club to ride with. There are all level of riders in our club, so even when I was slower I wasn't the slowest. But it IS empowering to ride alone sometimes. Just do your own thing, leave whenever you want, go your pace, take a break when you want. Good for you for taking the plunge! Glad it was a good experience for you.

[Jiffer]

rij73 -
On the tandem (after I had been hill training my fanny off): "You're sucking less back there."
CA

I LOVE THIS!!!! I can SO relate!!! I don't think dh has said exactly that, but he very well may have ... or something very close! Dh and I ride tandem as well. We also ride singles, but rarely together. He is also very, very supportive, but says things that can be so disheartening at times. Here's one of my favorites.

As I'm huffing and puffing and dying of agony up a 13% incline (Mt. Baldy Road) he says, "I'm going to ride this on my big ring and see how low I can keep my heart rate." The funny thing is, I was SEEING how stupid low his heart rate was because my computer was picking up his heart rate monitor instead of mine. Just as well, because mine would have probably exploded my Garmin!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

We just have to keep riding and riding because we love to ride.

Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."