Should Men be allowed in a Women's Forum?

[spokewench]

I really have no problem with men on this forum if they are respectful to the obvious flavor of this forum. This is a welcoming, non-judgmental forum and that is the way it should stay. There are some forums out there that we all are aware of that are not friendly even to other males. The flavor of those forums is sarcastic, vicious and uncaring of others feelings. I do not want to see this happen to TE, but I do not believe we should bar males who want that same kind of feeling in a forum.

I compare this with my ladies rides. In my small town, there are very few group rides for men or ladies that are not hammerfests. It is a small town where the core group of racers/riders are a young crowd. We are a university town. I lead women's rides, but I have never barred men if they would like to come along. If they are good riders, I expect them to be respectful and help teach; if they are just looking for a ride where they will not be dropped and can learn, I see no reason why they can't join. I always laughingly say at the beginning of a ride to a new male rider that I don't know "if you leave your testosterone at home, you are welcome" They seem to get the idea and I have never had a problem.

[Brandi]

I think at this point Mr Silver might be scared away from us. I like him and don't mind if he stays. He seems to know where not to go etc...

[Brandi]

Maybe we should do a vote? we could post it and run it for a week?

[mimitabby]

I think at this point Mr Silver might be scared away from us. I like him and don't mind if he stays. He seems to know where not to go etc...

I don't think he's been scared off. He reminds me of a cat. Smart, sensitive and alert. He's probably treading lightly on his paw pads. and he should be.

[Tuckervill]

On both hands my ring finger is a full cm longer than my index finger.

I'm just waiting for my running performance to kick in

Me too! I hated running in the army and I hate it now.

But I am seriously considering roller derby for an outlet of my suppressed aggressive/competitive energies.

This is the first time I've posted in this thread, so I'll chime in on the topic.

I don't care who posts, because I have no control over it whatsoever. All I have control over is what I read. If someone who posts really gets on my nerves, I can always use the ignore feature. I have used it liberally in other forums, but not this one.

There is something different about this forum than other women-only forums. I think it's the type of woman who is attracted to this type of sport (prolly any sport) that makes a difference. They may be smarter, more mature, or less inclined to a poor-me attitude. I don't know what it is. However, I've never seen a post by someone here who was clinically depressed and neglecting her children; or someone who was in an abusive relationship and will not take the steps to get help often offered, yet posts for years and years with the same problems. Have you ever noticed that type of poster in other forums? You might know someone like that in real life.

Not here. Riding a bike is an action-oriented activity. That's what makes the forum special, I think. You can't go out and ride your bike and then live a lifestyle of learned helplessness.

So, the place is special, full of empowered people. I can't really blame anyone for wanting to be here! I also understand not being comfortable with knowing a man is reading and might respond. But that's a risk you take anyway. Might as well put myself out there as much as I am comfortable, and concentrate on things I CAN control.

Karen, trying to decide which alter-ego will take over when she straps her skates on...

[Bruno28]

I have to say the first and only contact I had with him was a post where he referenced his need for a battle-cry (per his post...a testosterone thing).

That made me uneasy as well.

I think a better analogy is that of a locker room.

Exactly.

I am anti-discrimination also, but I personally wouldn't hang out here if it was co-ed because it would be a different kind of thing.

[DebW]

Maybe we should do a vote? we could post it and run it for a week?

I don't think there is any point in a vote, since any decisions we make would not be enforceable. The civil discussion on this thread is now our public record, and any men who come to the forum can read it and heed it and learn to tread lightly in certain areas.

[Veronica]

We really can't vote him off the island. This being a public forum and all.

Every new person changes the flavor of the forum slightly.

If Nanci hadn't joined we'd never know anything about snakes.

If Trekhawk hadn't joined, I'd have one less definition of mate.

If SK and jobob hadn't joined, there would be no Amici Veloci.

I too have wondered why Mr. Silver wanted to hang around. But it's probably the same reason anyone else hangs around. We enjoy the camaraderie and the support. Where else could I just blurt out that I am absolutely pissed that the thieves took our spare change container. How lame is that?

Anyway...I wish it would warm up to at least 40 F. This cold is not good for my knees. Yeah, that's why I'm not riding in the cold. It really has nothing to do with being a wuss.

V.

[Pedal Wench]

I lead women's rides, but I have never barred men if they would like to come along. If they are good riders, I expect them to be respectful and help teach; if they are just looking for a ride where they will not be dropped and can learn, I see no reason why they can't join. I always laughingly say at the beginning of a ride to a new male rider that I don't know "if you leave your testosterone at home, you are welcome" They seem to get the idea and I have never had a problem.

My (women's) bike club has an interesting policy. On our summer Wednesday night ride, it's strictly women. We've been known to ask guys who just happen to find us on the road and want to tag along to do so from a distance. During the winter, we have a Wednesday night ride that's co-ed, but men aren't allowed up front - they can't set the pace. And a few of the really kind sweeties ride sweep and keep the slowest rider (usually me!) company!

[Brandi]

We really can't vote him off the island. This being a public forum and all.

Every new person changes the flavor of the forum slightly.

If Nanci hadn't joined we'd never know anything about snakes.

If Trekhawk hadn't joined, I'd have one less definition of mate.

If SK and jobob hadn't joined, there would be no Amici Veloci.

I too have wondered why Mr. Silver wanted to hang around. But it's probably the same reason anyone else hangs around. We enjoy the camaraderie and the support. Where else could I just blurt out that I am absolutely pissed that the thieves took our spare change container. How lame is that?

Anyway...I wish it would warm up to at least 40 F. This cold is not good for my knees. Yeah, that's why I'm not riding in the cold. It really has nothing to do with being a wuss.

V.

You are no wuss! There are no wusses here!

[Bluetree]

Thank you everyone for being so frank (and civil!) with your comments.

My personal opinion comes from a childhood dealing with exclusion. As the only non-affluent, non-white child in my neighborhood, I felt the sting of being judged for reasons beyond my control. And to quote a great man on this special day, I am once again reminded how important it is to judge someone "by the content of their character."

This forum is so successful because it brings together something we all have in common: the love of cycling and community. It heartens me to think that although we may be of differing opinions and backgrounds, we can discuss this in a matter that may not be possible in other places.

That a man can find this place comforting is not puzzling to me in the least. In fact, if a man can put away his machismo and communicate with women in a platonic and supportive way, I am even more gratified. It gives me hope for the future.

But I doubt that many men will flock here and make this a co-ed forum. As someone mentioend before, it IS called Team Estrogen. I feel Mr Silver (or any man/woman/undecided who behaves themselves) can only enrich the conversation and growth of fellow members.

[SouthernBelle]

Easy there - it was a joke (as evidenced by the many smilies!!!)

However, it is a valid observation that if women were excluded under questionable circumstances it's entirely possible that someone would raise the issue. We're a litigious society. It's why I have a job.

And yes, discrimination *is* per se illegal in many contexts (e.g. sorry, we're not going to hire you because you're female). This, however, does not apply to message boards...

*going back to lurkdom now....*

It's why I have my own practice.

[snapdragen]

Hmm. I thought Mr Silver's battle cry and comments about it being testosterone fueled was funny. Especially since I've been known to howl with the best of them.......

[Bluetree]

The length of a girl's ring finger could be an indicator of her future sporting potential, researchers at King's College London said on Thursday.

My middle finger is longer than my ring finger. I doubt it's genetic or even a measure of my potential... I think it just got that way by practice!

[Bruno28]

Hmm. I thought Mr Silver's battle cry and comments about it being testosterone fueled was funny. Especially since I've been known to howl with the best of them.......

Yeah - but the testosterone quip was just a way of ingratiating himself. See - it worked

And you howl so much more sweetly Snap.

I was just saying what I felt.