Help, Divorce

[BikeMomma]

BikeMomma - I hope things sort themselves out for you.
Life definitely is a ride with plenty of pain and lots of thrills.
Hang in there.

Thanks, Trek. I've been craving a ride with the steepest hills I can find to take it all out on, but the weather just won't cooperate!!

Honeypie, I don't mean for my little aside to take away from this discussion in support for your painful situation. Mine pales by far in comparison to the turmoil you've been under for so long. I do wish the best for you and for you to just be happy. Be strong and stick to your convictions. And be sure to come to us if you need to get things off your chest. If everyone else is like me, this board isn't going anywhere anytime soon, right grrrls???

Take care,
~BikeMomma

[Brandi]

Right on!

[Morphine]

Hi ! You have my warmest blessings from Singapore !
Be strong, stay calm & weather through this "last" stage of your 10-yr torture. Trust me ! There are many others in the same boat. Sometimes, I really wonder how these testosterony counterparts will thrive in similar situations if in our feminine shoes

[allabouteva]

I stayed with my ex, through physical, verbal, and financial abuse,

Hey Lise,

It's weird, but I was watching Dr Phil today and he was talking about this same thing, and he mentioned that in marriage, there are a number of 'deal breakers' and one of them is abuse. You have to walk away from it, and not put up with it.

But I think that we as women are somewhat genetically programmed to put up with it, thinking that when it happens, it's only an aberration, or it was something we did. This results in being taken advantage of and being abused, and we let it happen.

I admire you and HP so much, because it takes so much courage to pick up the pieces and move on. And I'm glad that you've found a release in cycling and that it has made a huge difference to your life and the reinvention of you.

take care,

eva

[Runnin Rat]

I too have been down the divorce road, but my husband was abusive to me and one of my kids. My current husband didn't want his divorce, his ex decided she wanted more (money, house, etc, they were college kids, all things in due time) she took their daughter and kicked him out. She broke up a workable marriage because she was selfish.

Good luck with your choice, it is not an easy one my any stretch of the imagination, and remember, no matter what you do, someone will think it is the wrong thing. You have to do what is best for your family.

[Melody]

HP, good luck to you with your situation. Abuse should never be tolerated in a marriage. A marriage should be a blending of two people not to make a single soul but to find love and compromise filling the emotional, spiritual and physical needs of the other. Abuse has no room in that equation.

May you find happiness.

Mel

[bouncybouncy]

been there, done that as well! the abuse, the denial, and the "want to honor the vows" counseling did work all that out for me though...i finally talked the husband into going and we had a session, the next session was just me alone and the counselor said to me "he is a jerk!" haha how ironic...i go to counseling to SAVE the marriage and the counselor said to get out (she saw signs of abuse that was just unsafe!!!) my marriage was young and no children had spawned
months of feeling stupid for marrying this guy in the first place, feeling so lonely (i had moved away from my family & friends to HIS city and all my friends were his which i had decided to cut out of my life...so literally i was ALONE except for my bosses which are great and have since moved me away of there ) needless to say i had NO money no self esteem and no motivation...but one day i joined a gym and climbed that HUGE mountain to recovery....
i now have a WONDERFUL, fair, respectful, fun, forgiving, amazing husband who has shown me the "light" of cycling and now i am climbing mountains for the sheer joy of getting to the top!!!!

you too sound very capable of climbing out of this...keep your kids by your side and just take a peek at their faces anytime you need a little motivation...send us your grief, we will send bon-bons or cookies or something...and try to remember you did not deserve to be treated that way! I wish you happiness and strength....

now, pedal on......

[DrBee]

10 years on/off of marriage and individual counseling. Restraining order for him, anger management, police cars. ...

I am done, the day I filed, my chest pains, insomnia and headaches stopped. How much do you take from someone?.

I also filed for a restraining order - for stalking after I filed for divorce. I totally understand the relief afterwards. Mine came after the divorce was finalized. I received my papers on Valentine's Day of all days. Poetic, isn't it? That was many years ago and I don't regret my decision to put an end to my misery one bit. You'll be much better of now. You can gain back self-confidence and you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish when you don't have someone that is obsessive and abusive (psychologically in my case) keeping you down.

[slinkedog]

Just found this thread and wanted to add my voice of support and compassion. I went through a divorce about 13 years ago and it was very hard. You will make it through this. Hang in there and know we are here to support you. You and your kids are in my thoughts and prayers.

[fixedgeargirl]

I am done, the day I filed, my chest pains, insomnia and headaches stopped. How much do you take from someone?.

Congratulations. You have a taken an important, and difficult, step in healing yourself and (re)becoming the person you know you are. You have the support of your kids, and all of us here. Riding can do so much: boost your self esteem, serve as an outlet for all kinds of energies, boost your endorphin levels for that all-over glow. It can also take you to a quiet place where you can just *be* for a while and find some peace.

I'm going through my own rough patch right now, and am finding great comfort in the anonimity and support of a different, family-related board. I can go there and vent to people who don't know me or my SO IRL and not be bad-mouthing him to people we actually know or driving my friends crazy with my b1tching .

<<<<<hugs>>>>> to you.

[bcipam]

So bcipam...she's wrong if she leaves because of the children and not meeting her mans needs but once she deigns to share deeply personal information then she gets this compassionate and caring response:

Must be a fine thing to be all knowing like you. I've got a little turmoil going on in my life right now...maybe you can pompously tell me how to live as well.

Not all knowing. Just have some experience with life as do we all. You might be surprised what experiences I have had so I may be all knowing, at least in this situation.

Sorry you are having some troubles right now and if you would like to discuss them, send me a private message I'm willing to listen.

Right now let's focus on Honeypie. What advice can you offer to her?

[bcipam]

HP, good luck to you with your situation. Abuse should never be tolerated in a marriage. A marriage should be a blending of two people not to make a single soul but to find love and compromise filling the emotional, spiritual and physical needs of the other. Abuse has no room in that equation.

May you find happiness.

Mel

Wow Mel, beautifully said. Would you mind if I borrowed what you said about marriage? What a perfect way to describe a committed relationship.

[Grog]

Right now let's focus on Honeypie. What advice can you offer to her?

Personally, when I have problems, I don't always want _advice_ from others. Plain support and friendship is actually often much better.

[Pax]

Right now let's focus on Honeypie. What advice can you offer to her?

To ignore your "victim blaming" attitude.

[Dianyla]

Is it just me, or is it getting a little hot in here?