Thread Drift

[shootingstar]

One would think with several siblings who each have their own home and they all live in 1 big large city...that I would have choice for overnight stays.

There are 2 siblings that I have each stayed 1-2 nights and then do the remaining days in hotel. Sadly, I would not be happy to stay with my mother who now lives in a big enough house...she would be very picky on my messiness...in her eyes. She has always been quite controlling..

It shouldn't be like this but unfortunately some parents don't know how to see their adult children without lecturing/ordering them to do stuff. I hear enough stories from my siblings since my father has died last yr.

I know some others like me, who are unable to stay overnight with aging parent for visits. It becomes difficult when one only sees the parent once a year or less. Often, there are huge expectations on both sides on how the visit outcomes should be like. I'd rather hear stories from my mother, for she will no longer be alive, instead of instructions on how to look after her kitchen. (As if I don't know.) I suppose the positive thing about all this, is a mother is generally quite organized in doing stuff, an asset as she grows older in her 80's.

[Crankin]

Wow, that sounds stressful, Shooting Star. Hotels are a better option than a controlling parent! We always stayed with my parents when we went to San Diego, especially when we lived in Phoenix, and we couldn't afford any other vacations to get out of the hellish weather. We always got a long, because we went off and did our own thing, and my parents often would, too, as well as taking the kids out places when they were little. After we moved, we did 3-4 visits staying there, and my mom used to come here in the summer, as her parents and sister were here. That was stressful, because my aunt is a controlling b***** and treated my mom terribly. My mom used to split her time between my house and my aunt's, and there was a lot of driving back and forth, about a 40 minute drive at that time. I went to San Diego once with the kids when my mom was sick (they were in middle school) and once alone, right before she died. After that, we didn't go to San Diego. My dad met us in Phoenix twice, which was fun. Of course, we did this without telling DH's parents. They thought we were arriving days later. When my son moved to California, he lived in San Diego for 5 years, so we visited everyone, but stayed in B and Bs. Now my son lives outside of LA (Claremont), so next time we go there, we'll probably stay with him.

[shootingstar]

As you can see, I'm very careful how I inquire how things are now with siblings who live in same city as mother. They are looking after needs/demands.

It's very presumptuous for me to offer harmless advice when I'm not there. But I am able to give this leads on their city's community resources....which comes from my volunteer work in Toronto ..prior to cycling advocacy: it was social support services for Chinese-speaking Canadians like my mother.

One day I should blog how 1 type of advocacy actually later has some parallels....marginalization due to non-English speaking Canadians, compared marginalization of cyclists and pedestrians in the big world of transportation infrastructure...there ARE some similarities.