Saying nothing, not doing much is abit difficult

[shootingstar]

She knows I enjoy my gourmet desserts, malkin. She does tell me, she doesn't eat much desserts. I'm not surprised..she and I share similar childhood background Chinese diets in Canada with immigrant parents...means growing up with less desserts. Chinese cuisine has very limited traditional desserts. Nowadays they imitate the fluffy creamy European little cake slices, etc. She's also like me, gets drunk fast after a glass of wine. Yes, we do joke about the Asian tendencies...again you have to be Asian to make such inside jokes.

It's a close friendship malkin. She knows the loss of my sister, my dying father. It is a real friendship with giving. This is why I'm perturbed why people here are judging me so hard.

Against the backdrop of all this, is the stress of her job...which is a supportive, paid job on cycling infrastructure and alternative multi-modal transportation for our city. Our city is incredibly conservative and still very car-oriented but we are Canada's fastest growing city. As you know, I am cycling advocate, and have ostensibly volunteered in this capacity in other cities. I know how difficult it can be (and I hear it from my partner's efforts). I am probably the friend that understands her job the best....because I am long-time cyclist for transportation, advocate and we both work for the same employer.

Please don't tear me down.

So whatever people in the cycling community: always, always thank your paid city staff who work on cycling infrastructure, transit, etc. I know some cyclists don't like separated bikes, MUPs, etc..... thank these people anyway. It's hard job, sometimes greatly misunderstood.

[OakLeaf]

I'm perturbed why people here are judging me so hard ...

Please don't tear me down.

Did you even read what Pam or Blueberry said? We're perturbed that you are judging her so hard. When you choose this forum to tear your friend down, it hurts people. Even if your friend doesn't read what you write here, it hurts the people who do.

[shootingstar]

I give up Oak because this thread has spun out of control. I don't say anything to her anyway about eating better. Maybe it was a mistake to even discuss here. Right? But I'm sure other people have been in the same situation as a friend.

I share lots of stuff with her that's not food oriented/health stuff...which I gave in my latest responses. But I guess everyone here now thinks I'm an orge or whatever.

Alot of us are probably guilty (if that's the right word), of "judging" friends for lifestyle, etc. I'm just um...dumb enough to reveal it.

So: What would you do if a friend was talking about a detox diet?

[Crankin]

Salsa, I do enjoy meeting people with different interests, but, when it comes down to who i am actually spending my time with, it's the people I ride with or do other outdoor stuff with. Since this is the thing that it is the center of my life, whatever else happens has to happen outside this parameter. I hope I am explaining this so it makes sense. And quite frankly, there's tons of research that shows we are usually friends with with people that we share similarities with, in some way. On the one hand, I *know* a huge amount of people, many of whom are quite different than me. I am friendly, cordial, interested, but it's not going to go beyond that. I'd be lying if I said I wanted to spend my time with someone who was going to McDonalds and shopping in the mall every weekend. And Blueberry, not everyone who I ride with is skinny. There's a variety in body types, just as in any group. It's the lifestyle that's the same. My friends who no longer have much in common with me anymore have a totally different lifestyle, and one of them (the one who is not really overweight, just acts like an old lady) is constantly saying, "Well, I can't be like you." The thing is, I never say she should be, and I never, ever brag about what I do. It seems like, to her, just the fact that I ride, x country ski is enough to make her feel badly, without me saying anything. I know that it is her problem, but... it's getting pretty hard to find a common ground, when she would rather talk about her other friends's operations, health issues, and "retirement."
Sometimes I feel like I am getting younger, and everyone else around me is getting older. It's not that the people in my riding groups haven't had health issues; it's the fact they deal with them and keep going, with being active being the main priority. It's the main reason why I am no longer active at my synagogue. All I see are bent over, unhealthy looking people among those who are my age.

[Irulan]

I always go back to the Serenity Prayer... so applicable in all facets of life.

Accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference. <<<<< figure this part out and then let it go. How much emotional energy to do you spend on the things out of your control? It sure seems like a lot from what I read here.