Glad to hear from you, Mimi. I suffered greatly after losing my dad in 2005 because it was so sudden and unexpected (car accident). I grieved and cried and kind of crawled into a hole for months and months -- and spent about 9 months off any bicycle. So I'm not at all surprised at what you are going through as I would expect it to be even more difficult to lose a beloved spouse/best friend. We all grieve differently, but I know it is hard to know what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. Even though I've been through the pain of it (albeit in a different way since I lost a parent rather than a spouse), I still find myself tongue-tied around someone else who has had a significant loss.

I hope that you will feel welcome here any time. We're a community of friends who happen to be cyclists. Most of us have probably taken breaks from the bike for various reasons from time to time, but we still belong here, I think.

Hugs to you...