Thread Drift

[Crankin]

And you, too Lisa!

[redrhodie]

And you, too Lisa!

+1 on that! We miss you, too, Lisa.

[indysteel]

+1 on that! We miss you, too, Lisa.

+2!!!

[Biciclista]

Hi RedRhodie
Lisa told me you were asking about me. I feel bad posting here because I feel like an imposter, not riding that much, not having any big rides in my future, and not having my sweetie's prowess to brag about.
I AM still riding, but not a lot, I am taking classes (yoga, pottery, italian) and walking as much as i can, doing my best to have a full life as a single retiree. Losing a good husband leaves a huge hole in your life, let me tell you.
I spent much of the end of last year just buzzing around in my house, cleaning, painting and reorganizing. As soon as the new quarter (January) began, i redirected my energy outwards.

Being a widow is hard because you have got this guy that you love and you still want to talk about and most people don't want to talk about him anymore.

After Donald died, I gave a friend a photo Donald had taken of him on his bike (he was going to put it in a show, he liked it so much) and the friend sent an email to our whole club thanking ME for the #$@#$ photo. He never gave Donald any credit at all.
When you lose a loved one, a parent, a grandparent, you grieve, but I can tell you right now, it is NOTHING NOTHING like losing your "better half" I had no idea, was totally unprepared for just how huge this would be.

So what must one do? I stay busy, i make lots of plans with people, places to go, etc; and yet, unbidden, often, tears fall. I never know when it's going to happen, but happen it does.
A LOT. I've cried more in the last 7 months than I had in the last 55 years!. maybe even in my whole life. I am thinking of marketing the stuff; "Widow's tears" maybe it's good for something. So if you met me on the street, i'd act normal, laugh, smile talk... but there's still that hole. If you know a widow, give her a call.

and thanks for asking about me.

[Crankin]

So glad to see you here, Mimi. You are not the only one here who is not riding that much, so don't fret about that!
Grief has its own schedule and everyone experiences it differently. It sounds like you are doing what's right for you.
How is it going with the Italian? I ask because I sit here with the Rosetta Stone Italian loaded on my computer, but I haven't started it yet. Every time I attempt to learn even the rudiments of a language, I end up getting it confused with the small amount of functional Spanish I know. Maybe, when i start, we can converse in Italian....
It's really good to see you here and I am so glad I got to meet you last summer.

[OakLeaf]

Thanks for checking in, Mimi. It IS still early, for you, regardless of what others might feel. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Keep hanging in there, and don't be a stranger here.

[SheFly]

Mimi - so glad you checked in. And we LOVE to hear about Don, so talk away! As Crankin' said - grief is an individual beast. It will be four years this May since my little brother died, and I still cry. And that was my BROTHER, not my PARTNER IN LIFE. What you are experiencing is normal.

Come back once in awhile. Share your stories with us. We don't care if you ride or not.

SheFly

[redrhodie]

It's so goood to hear from you Mimi. You could never be an impostor here. No matter how much or little you ride, you done your time in the saddle. You're good for life.

I think maybe the reason that people don't want to talk about Donald is they're afraid. Fear of saying the wrong thing, fear that all memories of him will be painful to you. And when, as you said, you appear normal and to be handling it well, they're afraid of rocking the boat. Also, you're going through something most of us would rather deny will happen to us.

I will call my stepmother later. My dad died a year and a half ago, so I do know a widow. She also has been immersing herself in many hobbies and social interactions. She plays several instruments, sings and has been taking belly dancing. She would like to date, but hasn't met anyone yet.

Keep coming around! We need you.

[spokewench]

Mimi! Glad to hear an update. I know it is so hard to lose a beloved husband. My sister lost her Hartman quite a few years ago now and he is still missed by all. It is very different than losing a parent. Keep chugging away and keeping busy and you will live a full life, but grieving takes time! DOn't worry about hte bike thing here; I'm a tennis player now, but once a bike person always a bike person.