Gap year(s)

[Trek420]

Only one in my family NOT to have a college degree is my sister. I think she was overwhelmed with all the "fly papers" on the wall.

I'm that person; the only one without a degree. Mom's got a masters, Dad a bachelors in chem, siblings are tenured, published college professors, Knott has 2 bachelors degrees and various and sundry medical certifications, sKnott's on his way, MIL's an author, aunts, uncles and cousins include UN translators, school administrators etc etc ...

In my second year of college my parents asked some questions. In hindsight I should have smiled and shut up but I said "Yes, I'm gay". Since they were supporting me and paying my way through school that ended. I remember clearly thinking that would not stop me and it did not. I found full time work first as a dishwasher, moved up, eventually was a souse chef in some hoity toity places. And while doing that went back to school. So working nights and weekend at hard physical work full time and during the day in school full time. But i got my grades up (some of the college work was pass/fail and I needed grades), the stuff outa the way in the community college (cheap! ) and transfered into a private art school.

And of course all that time repaired/built bridges with my parents, my biggest concern.

I was 3 classes shy of graduating when a disastrous break up (aren't they all so much fun?) happened. I was tired, and tired of the full time night and weekend work plus full time school and I was beginning to get design jobs. So I thought "I have the portfolio, I can quit school and go to work".

Big mistake. I never got that momentum back. I went on to get a really good job if you can ignore that the stress and inactivity nearly killed me but really good job. So that can be done without a degree. Tough, but it can be done. But now the lack of any degree feels like a great big, gaping hole in me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pWSwfVDiq8

So back to school. I'll probably be the oldest person on any graduating stage but back to school somehow.

[indigoiis]

So back to school. I'll probably be the oldest person on any graduating stage but back to school somehow.

I can tell you from experience it really is worth it. But I don't feel like it's a must-have anymore. I like the choices I made. I like being in school right now. And to tell the truth, there are a lot of adults who go back, so you won't be alone. Even in art school.

[shootingstar]

Congrats. to Trek and others here who have the courage and enthusiasm to go back to school! It's another intense journey in life.

[Blueberry]

I've been watching this thread with a lot of interest. I went to a (public) residential high school, and then went to a great college (which wasn't a good fit for me - but my parents like the name and wouldn't pay for me to see another one, so I would have had to go sight-unseen). I went into the engineering school (because that's what they wanted, though I already knew I hated it), worked the max number of hours allowed (because I had to pay the parent contribution too), got some not so good advice and didn't do well in classes my first year - because I didn't want to be doing that track, and ended up graduating with a degree in political science because that's what I had time to get after running far, far away from science. I then went to law school because what the heck else was I going to do with a political science degree. I stuck with law for almost 9 years - which was about 8 years too long. It was a terrible fit for me, and I wasn't happy. So...now I'm starting at square one with science classes and working on getting the pre-medical requirements under my belt, then hopefully med school.

What do I wish I had done differently/my parents had done differently? Gotten some real-life career exposure somewhere. I didn't know to ask for it, and they weren't engaged enough to think of it. Maybe not gone to the really hard high school (though that's where I met DH and I'd like to keep him) - I was burned out when I hit college. Not been pushed to work so much to cover my part of the financial aid and theirs (they could have paid, they chose not to) - I just couldn't focus in an 8AM class when I worked until after 11PM. If I had been able to take a year off, it might have made all of the difference (but I probably would have just had to fund my parents - what I did with my summer jobs in high school). Bleh.

Not sure if there's a point here, but hopefully it's a good cautionary tale (and an it's not too late tale).

[OakLeaf]

(((((Trek)))))

I don't think you'll be THE oldest.

DH is really sensitive about not having been to college. I think people like me who come from a place where like everyone we knew went to college, don't necessarily understand that sensitivity. I surely didn't, and I still inadvertently say the wrong thing around DH sometimes. Even though I grew up around my mom - who dropped out after two years to get married and start a family, and for almost two decades dreamed about being in college, until she finally joined Teacher Corps and finished her degree at I think 37.

[Crankin]

I had no issue getting my second master's at age 57. I was not the oldest of my cohorts. I had been told there was a man in his 80s, who went through the counseling psych. program a few years ago.

[withm]

I was in my 50s when I completed my MA. There were students older than me in the program. Go for it.

[Trek420]

I grew up around my mom - who dropped out after two years to get married and start a family, and for almost two decades dreamed about being in college, until she finally joined Teacher Corps and finished her degree at I think 37.

My mom dropped out of Cal where she was pursuing an architecture degree when WWII happened. She had learned enough by then to work on logistics of the Liberty ships and she designed the home we kids grew up in (amazing design). She went back to school at about 40 when I started kindergarten and completed a Masters in early childhood ed.

... I don't feel like it's a must-have anymore. I like the choices I made. I like being in school right now. And to tell the truth, there are a lot of adults who go back, so you won't be alone.

I think there's a lot of acceptance of the working student, the returning student now. And if there's an HR person in the bunch I've been told in job search coaching that it's a good thing when it comes to education in putting something like "BA in art in process". Hope that's correct. In fact it's funny since they may think "oh, 20's" and one shows up "50's? Looks 40. Well she bikes".

Like my climbing, slow, steady progress I suppose.

But back to the OP; sure. Take a gap year. But I'd make sure it somehow prepares one for school. Because I can tell you once you take your foot off the pedal even for a moment or a term it's so hard to get back going again. If I had it to do over I would have never stopped.

[Melalvai]

I felt a little guilty because I haven't checked in for a few days to see if I had any answers to my question, but whoa! What a great conversation! Thank you so much for all your replies.

I'll tell her about Habitat for Humanity and Americorps. I think she's pretty set on going straight to college, which is ok too. Maybe after a semester or two or four, she'll want to take that gap year after all.

This has me thinking that maybe I need a gap year now.

Yeah, me too!

If I had to do it all over again, I would take a year off or so, and ride across country by bike.

Yeah, me too! Actually I'd like to do the Superheroes Ride.

I always felt I traded a gap year or traveling abroad, that sort of thing, for getting married early & having a kid. It was a pretty good trade!

[Crankin]

After reading your other thread about your DH's father, I realized how young you are, Melavai. Since most people i know with seniors in HS are between 45 and 60, I kind of did a double take when you said your FIL died at age 57... hey, you should take a gap year. With your daughter!

[smilingcat]

First of all, I would like to apologize to anyone who was hurt with my comment about my sister being the only one... Part of it has to do with my family dynamics.

Regardless, I do apologize to those who may have been hurt by my insensitive comment. We all take different life path and no single path is the right one. What is the right path for you is that you are happy and content with the decision you make. I think that is what makes life worth while.

sincerely,

Smilingcat

[EMoonTX]

My mother wanted me to consider waiting a year to enter college, but I was determined--sure I wouldn't get in the following year, and I had my acceptance. We were both right, in a way. I was very immature socially (long complicated reasons, TMI) and in my first year of college, away from home and the stressors, came unglued--and flunked out. I was right, because if I'd waited a year, there's no way I could have paid the new tuition--and as someone who entered when that university was tuition-free, I was covered if I went back and graduated. So after a year of "reconsidering your educational objectives" (that was their phrase) I went back and did graduate, and have never regretted it. But after college, instead of graduate school, I chose to go in the military and served three years active with the USMC. Then went back and got a second degree and some graduate school.

Financially, going straight to college was a good move--my mother, a single parent, couldn't have paid tuition the other way, nor could I have earned that much. As it was, I got some scholarship help and room & board, and worked part-time. Tuition, it seems, always goes up. And in some ways, flunking out was also beneficial (it made me a much more understanding and better tutor--a way I earned money during my second degree & grad school.) Learning to come back from a hard FAIL is an important life skill, and most of us have that happen at some point. The earlier you learn to deal with it, the better. As immature as I was, I don't think a gap year would have done me much good--I was headed for a problem year no matter what.

The time away from academia after that, though, was definitely the right thing to do (though a woman joining the Marines in 1968 was...an anomaly and my mother's friends were all shocked and horrified.) It got me out of my head and into reality.

So I guess what I'm saying is...every young person is different, and some of them will go their own way regardless--and sometimes that will be the best choice and sometimes it won't, but they have to make it. Finances are always a problem--choices some have aren't available to others--but I don't think there's any hard and fast answer about which is better, gap year or college or straight into a job or creating a business. A smart, hardworking young person can get somewhere good by any of these, especially if they're willing to change course until they find the right one.

[amyp]

I'm only 24 and I wish I took a year or two off after high school. My family wanted me to go straight to school. I worked as a dental assistant in high school and had a few internships. I was young and thought I knew what I wanted to go to school for but while going to college I wish I did some traveling/backpacking/bike tour, talk to a few people, open up my mind, discover what majors are out there. I know lots of people I went to school with that changed their major at least 4 times.

I remember in high school junior and senior year everyone was planning on which college to apply to and was already set on a major but I told the teacher I just wanted to travel and everyone thought I was weird because I didn't want to go to school.

I think there is a website called gapyear.com

I think maybe you should get your daughter to intern with a civil engineer if she decides to take a year off and maybe she could work on projects. If your daughter really wants to go to college right away you should let her do that.

[Trek420]

First of all, I would like to apologize to anyone who was hurt with my comment about my sister being the only one...

sincerely,

Smilingcat

I didn't mind. Not offended in the least. I think this is a great discussion and always good to take stock of the past. Who said something along the lines of "the unexamined life is not worth living" something like that. Socrates, I think? Anyway ...

if I could rewind there's lots I'd do differently but then there'd also be a lot I'd miss. Maybe this is another thread: If you could go back and talk to younger you what would you say? I'd tell her:

There are 2 year degrees and certifications. Get some while catching up in community college and then gone on.

You love cooking your way through school (sometimes, and at some of the eateries). Stay with it.

Do not listen to the advisor at CCA who said "Major in design, that's where the jobs are. There's no future in illustration"