Ever feel your making...

[emily_in_nc]

Ever feel your making all the wrong decisions or your own self doubt in those decisions is so strong that you start to question everything??

Definitely, Shannon! I can totally relate!

My situation is not job-related but lifestyle related. In 2010 when we made the decision to buy a condo and retire in Belize in 2011, we really thought it was the right decision for us and that we would love it here. I mean, we loved it on vacations, knew it was one of the few places we could both escape winters AND be car-free, and it would allow us to have a lower cost of living than in the US.

However, after less than a year of living here full-time, we had already realized that the place we chose was not going to suit us long-term for a variety of reasons. Living in a vacation paradise is entirely different than vacationing in one, and I could make a very long list of why our location does not suit us. That's not to say we haven't had some wonderful times here and learned a lot, but ultimately it's just not "our place".

DH and I had many long, heart-to-heart talks about why we weren't happy here and what we'd learned from making this move -- as well as what might suit us better. But we weren't sure we trusted ourselves to make the "what next" decision. Every idea we came up with, we could see problems with. We felt almost paralyzed to make a decision lest we make the "wrong" one again.

I've been a mess emotionally and very depressed, trying to find a way "out" of this job situation that makes me AND hubby happy.

I've felt the same. Part of these feelings were tied in with being retired after working my entire adult life and suddenly not having a career, a job, a purpose. It's a real loss, even though I was more than ready to leave my job, the politics, and the stress of it all behind. I've rarely felt as depressed in my life as I have these past few months, and it is a scary thing -- especially since so many of my friends are envious of our lives and think everything must be "perfect" here in "paradise". Haha! Any place can be paradise for some but hell for others, no matter how beautiful it is, and even if you live right on the beach with palm trees blowing in the breeze outside your windows.

If I were in the US, I proabably would have gone to a therapist or counselor to talk some of these issues through, but I don't have access to that kind of care here, so I've been reading a lot online and working through things in my own head and with DH.

And what I'm finding is starting to happen for me, and hopefully will start happening for you before too long too, is a glimmer of hope for the future. At some point you start to move forward and get "unstuck" emotionally. Either you decide to change your thinking about your current situation, maybe figure out ways to make it work better or to alter it slightly so it doesn't cause you misery; or you start moving forward to another plan, and the future starts to look brighter again. I knew when I started to get enthusiastic about something we might do in the future that I was starting to "get better" and come out of the worst of the depression.

One thing I've started to realize, and what some of the other posters have stated, is that you have to make the best decision you can at the time. We did that, you did that. And if that decision turns out not to be right down the road, whether quickly (like with us), or many years later (like with you), you can't beat yourself up. Ultimately, even if you lose faith in your ability to make another decision, you'll make one once again, and it will be the best one you can make at the time. That's all any of us can do -- we're human. If we never take any risks in life, we may never stumble, but life won't be very interesting either.

As nybiker put it: "I've found that even bad job experiences are useful, because you can learn from them. Especially if you're able to learn what really matters to you, and what is less important. "

Substitute the word "life" for the word "job" in her statement, and it can apply to just about anything, including my experience here in Belize. I realize that DH and I have both learned a lot about ourselves from this and what is most important to us. This should help us in making our next life decisions. And that makes me feel a lot less depressed and less emotional about the whole thing and more determined to forge a better future.

Hang in there -- you'll get there too. And if it's taking too long and you really feel stuck, do consider going for some counseling to get over the short-term hump. I would have loved to have had that option.

Best wishes,
Emily