Know any women living close to 100 yrs.?

[OakLeaf]

I think you know it doesn't serve alot of great purpose to buttonhole a person with a terminal disease to say that they will suffer alot when the patient is already /has been trying to live healthy all along.

That wasn't my point (although I think it's important to acknowledge that healthy living isn't a magical amulet against suffering).

I don't want to belabor this excessively, but these two articles say a lot - the first one, both in what it says and in what it leaves unsaid; the second one, on that increasingly popular theme of a doctor who has to face the reality of what his profession is doing to its patients, and is horrified by it.

It really reinforces my impression that in modern American society, a vanishingly small number of people are willing to take responsibility for their own mortality. They just wait passively for it to happen to them ... or spend prodigious physical, emotional, family and financial resources on the assumption that if they only spend enough, it never will. I find that both sad and terribly frustrating.

[lph]

Those were very interesting articles, Oak, especially the one about "invoking hospice", as a way of achieving calm. It reminded me a little of when my son had to have a sudden minor operation. The hospital wanted him to spend the night afterwards, in a hot, noisy, shared room where he got no rest or sleep at all until I begged for us to be allowed to sleep in the waiting room, which was empty and quiet. I couldn't help thinking that hospital routines were great for the staff but pretty terrible for aiding a quick and natural recovery from minor stuff.

But I wondered about the first one. What kind of response were they expecting or hoping for? I'm a firm believer in modern medicine and will staunchly defend it in most situations, but there's only so much you can predict about how long a person has left, isn't there? It seems to me that only sensible response to "how long will you live" is exactly that - "I don't know."

[OakLeaf]

But I wondered about the first one. What kind of response were they expecting or hoping for? ... there's only so much you can predict about how long a person has left, isn't there? It seems to me that only sensible response to "how long will you live" is exactly that - "I don't know."

For me and hopefully for you, that's absolutely right. But the population in the study was people who qualified for hospice. And the choice that glaringly absent from the survey was any choice that took an active role.

I've already done some hard thinking and writing about what is and is not an acceptable quality of life for me. IMO every adult should do that, because it's healthy young people who have the most uncertainty about when a sudden trauma or acute illness could permanently deprive them of quality of life. It's an individual decision and one that people can have extreme differences about. But when an individual has decided that she's "ready to go" - which is difficult enough to admit in our culture - it's just sad when cultural or family pressures deprive them of the option.

[shootingstar]

It is difficult for each of us to face our mortality and take steps to plan well in advance, many years in advance. Unfortunately (or fortunately) my sister who is a doctor, probably will end up fielding simple layperson's questions from her own family. She has advised that at the very least, to name a trusted individual (legally) for power concerning one's own health care, should one becomes unable to make decision.

And it requires financial planning well in advance by the patient to get some paid care where there maybe gaps in services that no single health care service can properly cover. It truly amazes me when I read about the growing trend (at least in Canada) retired parents loaning huge amounts of money/remortgaging their home to their children, etc. Have they even considered covering the cost of their own health care and accommodation near the end of life?

My partner's mother did request 15 years (when she was healthy) before she died, that no heroic efforts for saving her if her brain didn't function (or something similar).

She died in her sleep at night when her heart ran out.. in the nursing home. By coincidence or maybe subconscious, she just met with some relatives 1 wk. before who were visiting vacationing in western Canada after flying from Germany.

We are glad she saw them /vice versa.

It makes one wonder if a person/patient had the right/ability to name hospice care in advance, if that will cause an avalanche of backlog requests to the health care system, in terms of some professionals to provide support. I don't get the powerful impression that hospice care is an area that is even cohesive in terms of services. It seems to be abit niched for certain major terminal illnesses. But what do I know. EAch jurisdiction is different.

[salsabike]

That wasn't my point (although I think it's important to acknowledge that healthy living isn't a magical amulet against suffering).

I don't want to belabor this excessively, but these two articles say a lot - the first one, both in what it says and in what it leaves unsaid; the second one, on that increasingly popular theme of a doctor who has to face the reality of what his profession is doing to its patients, and is horrified by it.

It really reinforces my impression that in modern American society, a vanishingly small number of people are willing to take responsibility for their own mortality. They just wait passively for it to happen to them ... or spend prodigious physical, emotional, family and financial resources on the assumption that if they only spend enough, it never will. I find that both sad and terribly frustrating.

I passionately agree with this, given so much of what I've seen. I think what people BELIEVE they will experience, and what they DO experience, can vary much more than many people are willing to consider. And if you don't consider it in advance, your choices can suddenly become very limited, at a time when it is incredibly important that your voice be the primary focus.

[Brandi]

I want to add another story here.
I had a very good friend of mine die last month. It was a huge shock. Richard was in his late 60's. My husband and I met him 5 years ago when I group of us decided to do a weekly volley ball game. Richard was our oldest player. He was not the best but gave it his all and improved over time too. He became one of my biggest life supporters. Always telling me to not worry,enjoy every adventure, to give love. He always had a big kiss for me and a kind word. When i had to take high bp meds I was so mad. Being in my early 40's I was upset. He said to me "would you rather have us wipe drool from your chin"? He worked with the special ed kids at our elementary school for no money as well as was the bus driver for years for the school district. He was very much loved by all that knew him.
Turned out he had leuemia and didn't tell anyone but his wife. He was just about to start a treatment when his bp dropped suddenly one night. They rushed him to the hospital. He had sever anemia and passed away that night. He was surrounded by his whole family though which I am so glad.
I cried for 2 weeks and still feel a loss when I go some place I used to see him and he is not there with his kiss for me. But he taught me so many lessons even his passing taught me a lesson too.
What a amazing person to be able to keep such a big thing to yourself.He just didn't want anyone to treat him differently. Or feel sorry for him.
His daughter called me the morning after he passed and said "my dad loved you two so much, we wanted you to know that" (now crying writing this).
He lived every day like it was his last. He enjoyed everything it had to offer and did not sweat the small stuff. He is my hero!

[OakLeaf]

Brandi, I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounds like an amazing guy.

[Hubbard]

Brandi, I'm sorry to hear about your loss...
Some people die too early and it's really sad.

I haven't met any person who is about 100 yrs old and if I do I will definitely ask whether they have some rules to follow in order to live this long.