Dear murdering sob raccoons who keep raiding my backyard/ chickens at 4 am,

You may have gotten one last weekend while the AC unit was on, but now I have an alarm system permanently armed (my sheltie) and as you discovered this time I am not afraid to streak across my backyard in my underwear throwing bricks and swinging a 2 x 4. May your lesson be learned quickly. Otherwise there may be a humane trap and a less humane end in your future.