Self-inflicted guilt

[lph]

From what you share of yourself on TE, you sound like a pretty amazing person.

Oh yeah! It may not be easy being the one with such high standards, but it's pretty dang inspiring for the rest of us.

[indysteel]

Oh yeah! It may not be easy being the one with such high standards, but it's pretty dang inspiring for the rest of us.

Yes, but I think you can be inspiring and amazing and still be gentle with yourself. I think that takes just as much strength of will as beating yourself up all the time for perceived failures.

[Crankin]

I just read a research study that said affirmations don't work for people who are struggling with self esteem issues. Duh.
Noticing and observing your internal dialogue is really the first step. Keep a "thought" journal and look for patterns. Then, as stated earlier, you have to challenge your assumptions, so you can replace them with positives.
Really, one of the most successful things I have my clients do is to just "observe and record" their thoughts. Then we look at the distorted thinking that supports them.

[Wahine]

This is a fascinating thread and I want to thank all of you, especially GLC1968, for sharing your thoughts on this topic. It seems like something that so many women are prone to and that I have struggled with myself. I seem to be much better about it all now that I'm no longer in a relationship with an overly critical partner, but it still lingers. And it's something that I try hard to discourage in my coaching and physical therapy clientele.

[shootingstar]

You know, one of the things both my husband and I had to think about when we made this decision was that not having goats and the farm makes us less interesting. Were we ready for that? It sounds vain and stupid, but really, a very big part of our identities since moving here has been tied up in this place. It's a huge change to let that go.

Wonder if some of us feel that way about cycling..and when we will give it up (hopefully way into the future), would we feel the same way?

Look forward to new adventures. Just around the corner.

[Selkie]

I just read a research study that said affirmations don't work for people who are struggling with self esteem issues. Duh.
Noticing and observing your internal dialogue is really the first step. Keep a "thought" journal and look for patterns. Then, as stated earlier, you have to challenge your assumptions, so you can replace them with positives.
Really, one of the most successful things I have my clients do is to just "observe and record" their thoughts. Then we look at the distorted thinking that supports them.

Thanks for this, Crankin.

GLC - Everyone else has covered it, so I won't rehash. As I said before, you are an amazing person.

[Melalvai]

There have been a lot of really great suggestions, and I have one more. Have a very clear idea of what your goals are, long term and short term, and how everything you are doing contributes towards those goals, and, here's the part that matters for your guilt feelings, how the things you have chosen not to do do not contribute to your goals.

I want to make the disclaimer that some of the suggestions posted before this come from people who are trained & knowledgeable about this topic, unlike me. And maybe you've done plenty of goal setting and this isn't the issue at all. (I probably feel the need to make this disclaimer because of my own insecurity issues, heh heh)

[GLC1968]

Even more great advice everyone, thank you.

Crankin - you are exactly right. That was part of my problem with physical self-image. Telling myself good things over and over meant nothing to me because I felt like a liar. I had to get to the root of WHY I felt the way I did before I start making positive progress.

Apparently, I need to do the same thing when it comes to career and life.

You know, one of the things both my husband and I had to think about when we made this decision was that not having goats and the farm makes us less interesting. Were we ready for that? It sounds vain and stupid, but really, a very big part of our identities since moving here has been tied up in this place. It's a huge change to let that go.

Melalvai - interesting that you should mention goal setting. One of the big pieces of this decision was our long term future. We now know EXACTLY what we want to do when we retire. And now that we have a concrete idea, we can make a real plan. I find that incredibly motivating, really. I just need to remind myself of that every once in awhile. Financially, our new situation (once we get there) will be much more conducive to saving for our future vision, so it'll be a win-win for us. We just need to get over the rocky terrain that will get us there.

And thanks for all the compliments you guys. You are making me blush!