How to find balance

[Crankin]

Yup, no tandems here. I'm the one who would shoot my DH if I had to be under his control. We ride side by side or behind each other for hours, but I don't want to be on the back of anyone's bike.
And +1 on the daily asthma meds. I had to do this for awhile, but now my asthma is negligible. I occasionally have to take my Albuterol on a very hot or very cold day, but unless I am sick, I really don't have asthma flare ups anymore.

[emily_in_nc]

Yup, no tandems here. I'm the one who would shoot my DH if I had to be under his control. We ride side by side or behind each other for hours, but I don't want to be on the back of anyone's bike.
And +1 on the daily asthma meds. I had to do this for awhile, but now my asthma is negligible. I occasionally have to take my Albuterol on a very hot or very cold day, but unless I am sick, I really don't have asthma flare ups anymore.

Big ditto here. DH and I actually rode a tandem for years early in our marriage. He was so much stronger than me that it was the only way we could ride together. We had a lot of fun on it and enjoyed events, etc.

Fast forward about 10 years; we had long since sold the tandem, and I had become a much stronger cyclist (still not as strong as him). We enjoyed group rides -- he would ride with the A/B riders and I with the B/C, and we could ride together so long as he took it a bit easy. We decided to buy a lightweight go-fast tandem just for the hell of it.

And it was hell. After becoming a strong cyclist in my own right, I could no longer stand being behind him, unable to see, shift, brake, know what was coming up without him telling me. It made me crazy. He also no longer enjoyed being the captain and having to call out everything, when he was used to being more independent on rides. Managing the tandem also made his upper body and neck really tired, and he just didn't enjoy it much.

Yes, we were fast when everything was clicking, but more often we were arguing and miserable. Rather than get divorced, we sold the tandem after owning it for only a year and went back to our singles. Years later, we're still riding together but on our own bikes.