How to find balance

[spokewench]

The thing with asthma is this. From personal experience and husband experience. Dependent on how bad it is, but at first probably always, you need to take medication every day because you need to get the inflammation, etc. under control. This will take a while and you have to be diligent about it. You also have to realize what your triggers are, i.e. if it is exercise induced only, do you have other triggers like allergies, is it worse different times of the year due to allergies. If it is mostly exercise induced and you go to high altitude when you are not used to it, it will be worse! Take your inhaler.

As far as the issues with your hubby wanting to do something and you do not, you have to decide what you want. You will probably never keep up with him. I was never able to keep up with my hubby, so we rarely road mtn bikes together, but sometimes road and I would draft off him a lot. If we got a hill and he left me, so be it! You have to realize that he has different goals and different abilities as a guy and not get weirded out about it. If you go for a ride with a group and get dropped - oh well. We all have our limitations. It is up to you do decide to like how, what and why you ride. Once you make this decision, everything else will be okay.

Go on rides by yourself at your ability level. Enjoy those. Go on rides with others that are faster and if you get dropped chalk it up to training!

If he wants to do the death ride and you are not up to it all but you still want to go, which as we all know is really difficult, just do 2 or three passes, go find a nice place to rest and watch the riders go by. Read a book, whatever. Enjoy the day the way you want to enjoy it!

I know it is hard to balance all this cause I had a competitive racer husband, but you just have to decide what you want and then live within those boundaries. This does not mean that you don't try to get better, but you do it at your pace, not your hubby's.

[Sky King]

Sounds like you two are still on the same page I have learned to express myself more as the DH and I have had more time to ride together. He is a recovering racer and for years we rode separately. Talking, talking and encouraging each other. I hate riding in groups so have to force myself to do so, especially now that I am more into touring and adventure riding. The DH is much stronger and loves the occasional pace line.

I hear you bout the tandem, I am the chatter box and when we tour sometimes we will ride the entire day a couple 100 yards apart so the DH can have his alone time

[ny biker]

I am working with a doctor on the asthma. We are in the very early stages, and I will be honest, I don't have much faith in the medical field for helping with general wellness, but I am willing to follow through and try whatever. I wouldn't want to take medication every day, but I could see trying something if I knew was going to go on a harder ride.

My grandmother lived with us when I was growing up. She had asthma, and it ruled her life. She couldn't do anything or go anywhere. Eventually she developed emphysema.

My father also has asthma. He is so much better off than his mother was. His condition has gradually gotten worse over the years, but at 76 he is more active than many people in their 50s.

So I can tell you that I have seen up close and personal how well current asthma treatments work, and how much they have improved over the years.

For me, asthma is primarily exercise induced, but I use an inhaler every day to control inflammation and it makes a noticeable difference in my ability to breathe while I exercise.

[Tri Girl]

I'm on asthma meds daily. I don't love it, but I know I have to do it in order to be active. My doc recommends twice a day Advair doses, but I honestly only do it once (and I've told her this). When I notice that I'm feeling a bit tighter in the chest I will do it twice a day (most especially around higher allergy times).

Your DH is perhaps more considerate than mine. he doesn't want to hold himself back, so he doesn't. And he doesn't feel like he has to stay back with me. I will say that on long rides he will double back sometimes to come find me and make sure I'm OK, but if it's a supported ride, he just takes off at his own pace and drops me. It *really* used to bother me, and I'd get upset with him, but the I just realized that he has to do his own thing, and since his goals are to get faster and mine are to just do it- I had to let it (and him) go off and do his thing.

You'll find your balance, don't worry.

And after 16 years of marriage- I KNOW that a tandem would come with divorce papers... no doubt about it!!

[Wahine]

I have to second what everyone else here has said about making sure that you have your rides and he has his. Separately so that you can both get what you want out of riding.

But here are a few fun ways that my DBF (who is much stronger than I am) and I have found compromise. He will often go out with the hammer heads for 1 or 2 hours, then we meet somewhere and ride together at what would be a recovery pace for him and a decent, but not terribly difficult ride for me. We also go out on rides with some longer hills and he will go up the hills hard, then come back down to hook back up with me and we ride up the rest of the hill together at a chilly chill pace. As long as he goes really hard on the hills, he feels like he's had a great interval workout and yet we're riding together a lot. When we hit the flats, he pulls me at a pace where I can barely hang onto his wheel. This is one of my favorite games because I work really hard, with great encouragement and support from him. The moment he starts to drop me, I whistle to let him know I'm off his wheel. Then he backs off and lets me draft at a much easier pace until I am recovered, then we do it again.

There are ways to let him get what he wants and for you two to still hang together. And there's no shame in using his strength to your advantage. On group rides my DBF often acts like my domestique, bridging me up to the group if I get dropped for example.

I hope that helps some.

[Crankin]

Yup, no tandems here. I'm the one who would shoot my DH if I had to be under his control. We ride side by side or behind each other for hours, but I don't want to be on the back of anyone's bike.
And +1 on the daily asthma meds. I had to do this for awhile, but now my asthma is negligible. I occasionally have to take my Albuterol on a very hot or very cold day, but unless I am sick, I really don't have asthma flare ups anymore.

[emily_in_nc]

Yup, no tandems here. I'm the one who would shoot my DH if I had to be under his control. We ride side by side or behind each other for hours, but I don't want to be on the back of anyone's bike.
And +1 on the daily asthma meds. I had to do this for awhile, but now my asthma is negligible. I occasionally have to take my Albuterol on a very hot or very cold day, but unless I am sick, I really don't have asthma flare ups anymore.

Big ditto here. DH and I actually rode a tandem for years early in our marriage. He was so much stronger than me that it was the only way we could ride together. We had a lot of fun on it and enjoyed events, etc.

Fast forward about 10 years; we had long since sold the tandem, and I had become a much stronger cyclist (still not as strong as him). We enjoyed group rides -- he would ride with the A/B riders and I with the B/C, and we could ride together so long as he took it a bit easy. We decided to buy a lightweight go-fast tandem just for the hell of it.

And it was hell. After becoming a strong cyclist in my own right, I could no longer stand being behind him, unable to see, shift, brake, know what was coming up without him telling me. It made me crazy. He also no longer enjoyed being the captain and having to call out everything, when he was used to being more independent on rides. Managing the tandem also made his upper body and neck really tired, and he just didn't enjoy it much.

Yes, we were fast when everything was clicking, but more often we were arguing and miserable. Rather than get divorced, we sold the tandem after owning it for only a year and went back to our singles. Years later, we're still riding together but on our own bikes.