Dear Cat

[Possegal]

Dear cat who was apparently a bell-hop in a former life,

I really would like to know two things - WHY and HOW - did you manage to move my 9.2 lb cube-shaped luggage from my bedroom to the hallway. It only weighs a pound less than you. Do you have amazingly strong teeth? Are you hiding opposable thumbs from me? Did you have help?

Puzzled,

Your fascinated owner(roommate?)

[westtexas]

Dear Black and White Kitty,

Why are you pulling all your hair out? You look terrible bald. Also, you throw up lots of hairballs now. I would appreciate it if you would just leave yourself alone and let me brush you instead. Or at least take your anti-OCD medication like a champ instead of drooling all over my floor.

Just trying to help,

Your human slave.

[badger]

Dear Kitty,

why do you come back inside to barf the grass? couldn't you just do it outside so I don't have to move the bed to clean the mess?

- Your slave.

[Bethany1]

Dear Buttons,

I know you have street smarts from living outside the first two months of your life, but going through the trash cans and stealing food from unsuspecting humans is getting annoying. The worst part is you are teaching my older cat to do the same thing as he snatched half my cupcake and started wolfing it down the other day.

Also, why do have a thing for socks? You steal them out of the laundry or the bedrooms and drag them around. Trying to get them back turns into a tug of war.

Getting out the squirt bottle now,

Your Slave

[Catrin]

ROFLMAO...thank you so much for sharing the wonderful quirkiness of cats

I have fond memories of when I first brought Jasmine home from the rescue shelter - he was about 10 months old at the time. He wasn't entirely certain that the stuffed black bear wasn't real and couldn't rest at night if it wasn't on the floor. The thing was 3xs his size and it was a hoot to watch him help the bear to the floor.every.single.night. I finally had mercy on him and found another place to put it

Then there was Tigger who couldn't stand to see me in my stocking feet. Catherine's feet out of shoes and still wearing socks was in dire danger of the sock bandit! He finally broke me of doing this and I started wearing sandals around the house instead He would also dig through my laundry basket in his effort to assure that no dirty sock missed his careful attention!

[jessmarimba]

Bethany, did Buttons ever have kittens? My friend's cat "mothers" litters of socks, since her real kittens were taken from her too early (before she was found and fixed).

[nscrbug]

My male kitty, who spends LOTS of supervised (by DH) time outdoors has never, ever pooped or pee'd outside. He will ALWAYS wait to come indoors to use the litterbox. And there are plenty of spots where he could 'go'...he just doesn't seem to like doing it outdoors. I guess he is well-trained and must think that going potty outdoors is for "uncivilized" cats.

[Roadtrip]

Dear Kat,

I realize the cooler evenings have you confused. You want to be where it's warm and cozy. That place right now HAS to be under the covers snuggled against my hip? Cute at first, but you get warm... Jump down... Jump up... Jump down... Jump up... Is sleep deprivation really your punishment for bringing the dog home?? That was six plus years ago!!!

Thanks,
Your midnight snuggle partner and very caffeinated slave

[owlice]

Dear Big Cat,

Thanks for getting off the loveseat before puking up a hairball; that was nice of you.

Appreciatively,

The woman who feeds you

[chincitop]

Dear (formerly?) evil cat,

We've had you for 4 years. You were the most ungrateful cat I've ever known, and you wanted nothing to do with us. People were afraid of you, because you would attack people for doing things like walking, or shifting in their seat. Now, suddenly, you are in my room, snuggling up, and licking my face. Don't get me wrong, it's adorable, but also kind of terrifying. Sorry for wondering if one day Ill wake up without a kidney

Love,

your adoring but terrified bed partner

[indysteel]

My cats have all have odd habits:

We keep a stash of plastic grocery store bags downstairs in the basement for litter scooping purposes. Just so that the cats don't suffocate playing with them, we tie them in knots. Well, Izzy is obsessed with them. She drags them up from the basement and leaves a trail of them upstairs. She's been doing this since was was still pretty small, i.e., when the bags where as big as her. The cats love to play in boxes, we we often have one or more sitting around the house. I looked in one of them the other day and there were plastic bags inside.

Izzy also likes being carried around in stuff. When we cart the laundry basket up and down the stairs, she likes to get in it and go for a ride. She also likes to be carried around in our shopping bags. She's not a mellow cat otherwise, so it cracks us up that she not only tolerates it, but seems to enjoy it.

Sophie had a two mouse toys (the one that are about three inches long with a bell at one end). She got them when she was a kitten. Nearly every night around 8 or 9 p.m., she's bring me one of the mice. As she carried it to me--often from another room--she'd make this funny cry the entire way. It was a very mouse-specific cry; she otherwise never made that sound. When we had her cremated, we included one of the mice. The other one sits next to her ashes.

Henry doesn't bring me anything on a regular basis, but he is completely and utterly obsessed with newspaper. He licks it, he lays in it, he bats it out of your hand as you try to read it, he licks it some more. He waits at the front door while you retrieve it in the morning and then follows you around until he can get to it. It's apparently all that he thinks about. He also does something we call Freakout Cat. Henry is a pretty lazy animal, even as cats go. But about once or twice a day, he goes absolutely crazy. It often starts with him running toward a door jam and jumping up about five feet. He plays with all his toys in a flurry. He makes a bunch of wacky noises and cries. He hides under a blanket and then claws at it like he's trapped. He'll do some combination of this for about five minutes. Then he stares at you and blinks his eyes for a few seconds before promptly falling asleep. It's the funniest thing.

I love cats, but they are so strange (and infinitely entertaining).

[Bethany1]

Buttons is 4 months old. She was the runt of the litter and had to fight for everything including food as her sisters were able to get to it first. I took her home at 2 months but her scavenging for things hasn't stopped. It probably never will.

Vet says she's doing good and is healthy. I just have to keep using the squirt bottle when she tries to get into the trash. She's getting better.

Dear Bandit,

Howling at the front and back door will get you nowhere. We have this argument every day. You know the agreement: If you can get the door open by yourself, you can come and go when you please. (He will use his paws to rattle the handles to turn them)

The Gatekeeper

[Biciclista]

Dear Small Brown Cat (Nutmeg)

I know that rubber bands, twist ties, ribbons, threads and bandaides are incredibly attractive. But do you have to eat them??
Are you punishing us because we limit your exposure to real bugs? (I've noticed that we don't have a resident spider population anymore) I live in fear of you having to have surgery to remove all the inedible stuff you have eaten. Nice kitty!

[Titania]

These responses have me laughing so hard!

One of my cats, Teddy, insists on petting me in the evenings. When I sit on the couch, he'll jump up and sit behind me, then start running his claws through my hair, purring like crazy and rubbing his face all over the back of my head.

Dear Elliott,

Why do you insist on only peeing in one small corner of the littler box? Do you not realize that it's extremely difficult to get a 2 lb clump of cat pee out of the litter box and into a bag without dropping it everywhere?

Sincerely,
The pooper scooper

[Thorn]

Dear Black and White Kitty,

Why are you pulling all your hair out? You look terrible bald. Also, you throw up lots of hairballs now. I would appreciate it if you would just leave yourself alone and let me brush you instead. Or at least take your anti-OCD medication like a champ instead of drooling all over my floor.

Just trying to help,

Your human slave.

Psst...gluten intolerance? Had a cat that pulled out her hair. Turned out she was gluten intolerant and the hair pulling was a pain reaction. Put her on a gluten-free diet and she's got fur, she's active and I think some days the princess costs more to feed than me.

Now, if someone could explain....

Dear Boy Cat,

They are wool socks. Just socks. You can leave then in the dirty clothes pile. No need to bring them upstairs one at a time. And, really, no need to announce to the world you found another.

The Can Opener