Indy, keep in mind that it was she who said that her husband "realized that he hadn't done anything with the boys all summer". It sounds like kind of sarcastic choice of words on her part.
You say "I don't know how to respond to half of what you say about him, especially since you say most of it so matter of factly"- this tells me your friend has a certain habitual and routine way of talking about her husband in a way that always paints him in a bad light. It's entirely possible that if one asked her husband directly, he could list all kinds of things he had done with his boys during summer, and might not feel he 'realized' anything to the contrary at all.

People who routinely describe their spouses in a disparaging yet matter-of-fact way often have a problem themselves. Just sayin it's something to consider.