results from needle biopsy :(

[marni]

Well the results are back and they are not so good. In addition to the calcifications indicative of Ductal Carcinoma Insitu ( non invasive breast cancer) they found some areas of a "atypical cellular structures" which means something else, not positive .

My options are for them to whack another piece out and then follow up with radiation therapy, or to just go ahead and have a masectomy on one side and continue with the tamoxifen to protect the other side, keeping my fingers crossed.

I will more than likely have the masectomy although my sag guy is not entranced with the idea, but is quick to say that it is my choice and he married me for myself, not my body.

I am slated to do the little red riding hood ride in June with my three sisters in june and since the dr. says that although the decision needs to be made, preferably sooner rather than later, she is not worried about waiting a couple of months, that it is not about to run amuck, it's just another atypical result that I need to deal with.

I am releasing/venting/ dithering here because I can't yet dither to anyone other than DH and that makes me tense. I am thinking not be telling my sisters until after the ride at least because I don't want that weekend to turn into a pity party but at the same time I sure would like some sympathetic ears and shoulders. What would you do?

I will be telling my children about the probability of the surgery, since they pretty much know that something is going on but I am in a real dither about my sisters. We are very close, and we all vowed (after my mothers open heart surgery which she hadn't told us about until 24 hours ahead of time and then only because the sister still living at home, broke her promise and called us) that we would employ full disclosure at all times, but....... I think I will be swinging back and forth between ignoring it and obsessing about it and being grimly upbeat so as not to worry dh and fil who lives with use, that I won't be any good with dealing with anything but objective listening and quiet non emotional support until after the fact and I know the "sistahs" will all want to support and surround before and after. Dither Dither Dither what to do what to do?

It's not even like my ta tas are that big- small fried egg size, so I don't foresee any problems to adapting to being one sided, and the other side seems to be blissfully clear so fingers crossed on that issue. Obviously I have very very mixed emotions about it all.

Anyway, we can all relax the wheel spinning until June and then I would really appreciate some really really active wheel spinning and positive thoughts.

[azfiddle]

Katy- sending a hug - that's pretty tough news, and I'm sure you will have some rollers to ride for a while with ups and downs. I hope the way ahead will be as smooth as possible, and I'm pretty sure this will be just one of many messages of support. Sharon

[KnottedYet]

((((Marni)))))

I'd tell my sisters PDQ. (in my case, it's my best friend who told me all her breast stuff every moment... cuz I'dve been really mad if she hadn't told me)

Imagine if one of your sisters was going through this, and was afraid to tell you?

Telling them now fulfills your promise you made to each other, and lets them get over the emotional hump before you really need them to be strong and steady helping you before and after the mastectomy.

Make the plans now. (Who is going to stay with your family to help while you are in the hospital? Who is going to stay with you at the hospital? Who is going to stay with you and help once you get home?) Then everyone is ready and has their ducks in a row, so it all goes smoothly.

And you can do the ride without fretting...

(((((((Big Hugs!!!!)))))))

[snapdragen]

Aw, darnnit. Big hugs sent your way marni.

If you decide to tell your sisters, just let them know that you need their support, with no added drama. I'm thinking it would be good to have some more sounding boards, but that's just me.

We'll keep the wheels at a slow spin, to send you strength.

[Tokie]

Is there any support network nearby (American Cancer Association?) that might have a breast cancer support group of some sort? We have a Breast Cancer Resource Center in our town with a library,support groups and you can sign up to have a "buddy" to call on for support through your diagnosis and treatment. You may be surprised how your friends and family can rise to the occasion when you tell them how you need them to help you! The surgery decision is so personal-you are the only one who will know what is right. You have every right to make your own choice and be supported for it. Take good care of yourself! tokie

[Kitsune06]

Ohhh, (((((((((((((((((((((((Marni))))))))))))))))))))))) hugs and support from us, too. One step at a time.

[crazycanuck]

Marni, I just wanna say you're one strong chicka for putting up with the rounds of needles etc.

Take care
C

[hebe]

((((Marni)))))

I'd tell my sisters PDQ. (in my case, it's my best friend who told me all her breast stuff every moment... cuz I'dve been really mad if she hadn't told me)

Imagine if one of your sisters was going through this, and was afraid to tell you?

Telling them now fulfills your promise you made to each other, and lets them get over the emotional hump before you really need them to be strong and steady helping you before and after the mastectomy.

Make the plans now. (Who is going to stay with your family to help while you are in the hospital? Who is going to stay with you at the hospital? Who is going to stay with you and help once you get home?) Then everyone is ready and has their ducks in a row, so it all goes smoothly.

And you can do the ride without fretting...

(((((((Big Hugs!!!!)))))))

All of this. I would be telling my sisters. I'm sending you hope, hugs and postive thoughts anyway.

[jelee1311]

{{{Marni}}}. I think I would let your sisters know because I'm sure they would want to know and help you. Please vent when you need to we will listen. Please be good to yourself. Big hugs. Jenn

[indysteel]

(((((marni)))). I'm so sorry to read this. I agree with everything Knotted said in terms of telling your sisters. I'm sending positive, healing thoughts your way.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((((marni)))))))))

Telling your sisters totally depends on your relationship and whether you think you can trust them to be there for YOU and not bring their own baggage to the party.

I hope that you have the kind of relationship with your sisters that will let you tell them, but please don't let ***US*** bring ***OUR*** own baggage to this party also, and encourage you to do things that aren't in your best interests.

People who love you will tend to (1) worry, (2) judge your decisions and (3) think about how your decisions and your condition could affect THEM, and you don't need ANY of those things right now. (e.g. what you said about your DH and the choice you have to make about a mastectomy) So I totally support your decision to tell only the people with whom you feel completely safe, never mind what social pressures exist because of your biological or other relationship to them. You don't need those social pressures right now, either - not from them and not from us.

+1 on making arrangements as soon as you feel confident enough to do it. But it's better to wait until you can make a decision from a position of strength later, than to make a hasty decision from a position of fear.

Spinning my wheels for you.



ETA: While it's true that it may be helpful for your sisters' doctors to know your medical history, there is NO URGENCY to that need. (If you choose to go an aggressive route, your doctor will be able to tell you whether your cells are even the kind that tend to run in families. Odds are that they aren't.) Tell your sisters when and if you feel safe, and not before. This is NOT the time you need to be taking care of other people. This is the time you need to be taking care of yourself. PLEASE don't let anyone else burden you with their own baggage surrounding breast health issues, and ESPECIALLY not TE'rs whom you hardly know (me included). You have enough voices screaming in your own head already, I'll wager. You don't need them screaming from the outside, too.

Take good care. Of yourself.

[Crankin]

Marni, I am sorry about the results.
I kind of am thinking about your situation like Oak. On the one hand, you made a pact with your sisters, not to withhold information. On the other hand, you *do* want to enjoy your ride with them. If they are going to carry on, as you said, a "pity party," it might be wise to wait until after the ride.
You are the only one who can make the decisions you need to make. If it was me, I would only tell my DH and children, but I have found that recently, I tell very little to anyone else. If you have the kind of relationship with your sisters that you can tell them about the situation, but you haven't made a decision on the type of surgery, maybe that would be OK, if you explain that you don't want this to ruin your ride.
People will try and give all kinds of advice, colored by their own experience.

[Catrin]

{{{Marni}}} Having been through an ovarian cancer scare I know how you are feeling, though it wasn't my gals in question. Certainly you should tell your sisters, but when you are ready to do so. It does help to be able to talk about it with people who love you/you love. I certainly encourage you to tell them as soon as you can, but you have to do this at your pace. Everyone has given good advice - and am sending good thoughts, prayers, and wishes your way!

[spokewench]

Marni, so sorry this was the diagnosis; my heart goes out to you. I had a similar situation when I was young, my Mom did not disclose a surgery (she has a mass the size of a grapefruit between her lungs) when I first went off to college. I found out when I came home for Christmas. I was and am still not happy about that and that was many years ago.

I know you want to enjoy your bike ride, but I would tell my sisters. That's more important than the bike ride. Just tell them that you are really looking forward to the ride and that they respect that. I'm sure they will.

[Biciclista]

{{{Marni}}}

you have lots of shoulders here for you.