Dear So and So

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Hi BCIpam,
I'm sorry about your sad family situation, it must be very upsetting.
The only thing I can offer is my own perspective-

We are all different and we all react to crisis and loss in different ways. you sound like a strong and independent person. Your sister is obviously more prone to emotional responses.
Even though it may be true that she is not helping your brother by crying or getting emotional, maybe it helps her to deal with it in some way. Perhaps she's always been used to unloading her troubles onto her mother, brother, or father, and now finds that she can no longer do that because they are are ill. She feels the slow loss of them in her life.
I'm sure she feels bad for them and may feel helpless to 'fix' the situation, but all this must surely contribute to her also feeling that her world is crashing down around her.
I know that during the times of my life when someone dear to me has died, yes I'm feeling helpless to make them better, trying to comfort them, and maybe angry at the world that they have to suffer or die....but I think it's only human to also feel a bit of sorrow for our own pain- to feel that we too need a little sympathy and comfort to ease our own despair.

Tears, anger, and outbursts can be a form of self medication in times of crisis and grief. Sometimes it can be very hard to control it precisely. Not all of us might need such emotional 'letting loose', but for some people it is an important release and actually helps them better deal with or confront what it happening. Others may not need this at all. But no matter which type of person we are, we can't really expect others to react the same way as we do to sickness, death, and crisis. Just as it would be useless for her to say to you "What's the matter with you?- have you no feelings at all?", it is also useless for you to say to her "Stop your sobbing and get over it, you're not helping anyone by crying".

I think in extreme situations, it sometimes helps to view the other person as if they were a stranger in pain. Often it is easier to be kinder to strangers than to people or family we have unfortunate 'histories' with!
When in such difficult and painful situations, I keep saying to myself that All this will pass, that everything changes over time. And sure enough, it does.

I hope you find a good way to get through it all.