I miss her

[PamNY]

I ripped a lady a new one one time. She was gossiping about a mutual acquainted (not even friend) and how "omg... she's taking antidepressants can you imagine...?" I reamed her out for a) gossiping, and b) let her know that it's no different than taking a blood thinner and she ought to get educated about mental illness. I was pissed.

Good for you. I hope your message got through.

[Crankin]

Irulan, I wish more people would speak up like this!
Yes, yes, and yes, depression and other mental illnesses do have a genetic component and it would be irresponsible to think otherwise. It doesn't mean that you will have the problem, more like if there are certain stressors in your life, you are more apt to have a depressive type reaction. You can inoculate yourself against this with lots of things, but knowledge is the most important. It's no different than knowing that alcoholism runs in your family.
As far as telling teens the reason for someone's death in the case of suicide, they are quite capable of understanding this, as long as they have the support of the adults around them, i.e. the adults are willing to talk openly and freely about why someone would do this. Of course, I am a firm believer in being frank, open, and brutally honest about discussing difficult issues with kids in general. We don't give kids enough credit. Protecting kids from the "difficult" things in life doesn't do them any favors. They need the tools to be able to deal with things as they grow up, and being able to talk about all kinds of things with their parents, or other trusted adults really goes a long way.

[lph]

I agree whole-heartedly - let the kids know. Kids know suicide exists, and they most certainly know all about strong feelings, so I don't think they will have any trouble at all accepting that this was the cause of her death. Not telling them only perpetuates the myth that suicide is somehow shameful.

[sundial]

Shootingstar, I'm very sorry for the loss of your sister. What a terrible, tragic, untimely death for one so young and with so much life ahead of her. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[SheFly]

Shooting Star - I sit in tears reading your thread. My heart goes out to you, and I send you my condolences.

As you know, I lost my younger brother to suicide 1.5 years ago. The pain has not subsided, and I still miss him every day. We weren't necessarily close - he lived near Ottawa, and I live near Boston, but I still think of the good times we shared, and unfortunately, sometimes about the not so good.

I also survived the suicide of my best friend one week before graduating from high school - 23 years ago. I still ache with that loss as well.

Last year, I walked in memory of my brother, to help raise awareness around depression and suicide. Too much stigma in our society for a disease that can kill - just like cancer. I wrote about that here.

I am a person who is constantly busy - working, president of a 350 member bike club, and 30+ races per year. All of that business has sadly led me into my own despair this year - a delayed reaction to losing my brother. I am working the issues now, but know that you need to work through your grief, and most importantly, to take care of yourself.

The pain eases, and some days, even subsides. Losing a sibling is hard - losing a sibling to suicide is even harder.

I wish you fond memories. If ever you want to talk, you know how to find me.

SheFly

[shootingstar]

SheFly, somehow I knew our paths would cross again here. I share the depth of sadness with you.

Well true, busyiness are great distractions. But the right activity if done in judicious measure and if you love doing it, shouldn't stop you. Cycling should not be dismissed, but keeps you afloat health-wise. I know it does for me. Today I rode a slow 6 kms. to the grocery store so that I could avoid the ice.

She is the little girl, smaller than me in this black 'n white photo. Cuter than fat-headed me. She is looking directly at the photographer with a wistful expression on her child-face:

http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=29072

I seem to only sleep fully, half the nights so far in past 2 months. Since I am the eldest, whatever clothing I wore, she would be next in line to get the hand-me down. That is I guess, the closeness due to birth order, etc.

I lead a very simple life these days. Many trivialities fall by the wayside when something like this happens. I don't have a tv, I don't twitter/facebook..I don't have /want these distractions. I like to make each day count, each word I write, worthwhile.
I won't be blogging on stories related to my sister nor some sort memorial post. It's hard to contain the lifelong knowledge of a person into 1 pithy post/story. Instead maybe weave more personal /family details in general in some of the writings. I've already begun this in some of my recent posts across the 2 blogs.

That's great you did the walk, SheFly. I haven't thought that far. My sister's ashes were buried just last weekend.

[badger]

shootingstar, I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is painful enough but to lose one to suicide is just so tragic. Take care.

[SheFly]

Well true, busyiness are great distractions. But the right activity if done in judicious measure and if you love doing it, shouldn't stop you. Cycling should not be dismissed, but keeps you afloat health-wise. I know it does for me. Today I rode a slow 6 kms. to the grocery store so that I could avoid the ice.

Oh - trust me - riding my bike has been my savior more than once. The week after my brother's funeral, I rode more miles than I had all year, and even doubled up long rides and hard efforts. My point on the busy-ness was more that it was my way of avoiding having to deal with the emotions - it all just caught up with me this year, and has been quite difficult.

She is the little girl, smaller than me in this black 'n white photo. Cuter than fat-headed me. She is looking directly at the photographer with a wistful expression on her child-face:

I don't know about cuter . I have included two pictures of my brother and I - the first is from 1974, and the second from 1995.

I seem to only sleep fully, half the nights so far in past 2 months. Since I am the eldest, whatever clothing I wore, she would be next in line to get the hand-me down. That is I guess, the closeness due to birth order, etc.

I lead a very simple life these days. Many trivialities fall by the wayside when something like this happens. I don't have a tv, I don't twitter/facebook..I don't have /want these distractions. I like to make each day count, each word I write, worthwhile.
I won't be blogging on stories related to my sister nor some sort memorial post. It's hard to contain the lifelong knowledge of a person into 1 pithy post/story. Instead maybe weave more personal /family details in general in some of the writings. I've already begun this in some of my recent posts across the 2 blogs.

The sleep will come, eventually. I don't envy you being alone in a city that is not home. I know that even surrounded by friends, I have felt completely alone many times in the past 1.5 years. My best advice is to get yourself to a support group if you can find one in the area - talking to others who understand the pain of suicide will certainly help.

As for me, my writing has suffered. I have only written that one blog post about my brother since his death, and there will be no others. In fact, my blog has been stagnant most of the year - I simply haven't felt like writing anything, which for me, is not a good sign. You are right that taking the life of someone and attempting to put it into one blog post is impossible.

That's great you did the walk, SheFly. I haven't thought that far. My sister's ashes were buried just last weekend.

Thanks. But know that the walk was over a year AFTER I lost my brother. In time, you will be ready to deal with this in your own way.

I'm sorry that we have this in common, Shootingstar. But, I am here for you as you go through the healing process.

SheFly