Insulting compliments

[GLC1968]

(If they were THAT much faster, they wouldn't even be in the same neighborhood to be able to say it, for one thing. )

Unless it's durring a triathlon where there are wave starts based on age. By the time you get to the run portion, there are super fast people who have only been out there an hour with super slow people who have already been competiting for almost 2 hours when they get passed!

I agree with LPH who pointed out that (unless it's a race), you have no idea what that other person has already ridden. I remember once when we first started riding we were training for a century. We were purposely riding mid-day to get heat aclimitized (nuts, I know!) and it was probably 102F as we were just finishing up an 85 mile ride and heading home. Both my H and I were totally dragging and we were pased by a slightly older group of men who didn't say much except "nice heat, huh?" as they passed us. They stopped at the gas station up ahead and we did too to get more fluids. We chatted a bit and when they learned that we were finishing up 85 miles in that heat, their regard for us completely changed. It was very noticeable.

Anyway, I never assume that just because someone is moving slowly that they are new or inexperienced. Hell, for all I know, they may be a Cat1 racer who may have just had surgery or something!

Doing something stupid or dangerous? THEN I assume newbie. And only then.

[ny biker]

Doing something stupid or dangerous? THEN I assume newbie. And only then.

Not in DC. Plenty of experienced riders do stupid and dangerous things around here.

[GLC1968]

Not in DC. Plenty of experienced riders do stupid and dangerous things around here.

So what? I don't care what someone's experience is - if they intentionally do something stupid or dangerous, they get no respect from me.

I'd be happy to 'insult' those people by assuming that they are newbies and making comments to that effect.

[ny biker]

So what? I don't care what someone's experience is - if they intentionally do something stupid or dangerous, they get no respect from me.

I'd be happy to 'insult' those people by assuming that they are newbies and making comments to that effect.

So now it's okay to intentionally insult people?

[GLC1968]

So now it's okay to intentionally insult people?

I'm not talking about intending to insult anyone. This thread is about UNintentionally insulting people, right? My comment was that there are certain people whom I don't really care if I accidentally insult them if I have a point to make.

If someone does something as a cyclist that is dangerous or stupid, it reflects on all of us. I don't care how much experience they have, if I have opportunity to say something about it, I will. I frankly don't care if what I say insults them, they need to be told. Sorry if that offends people, that's how I feel.

(this is why I put insult in quotes in my previous post - my intention wouldn't be to insult, it would be to inform)

[ny biker]

I'm not talking about intending to insult anyone. This thread is about UNintentionally insulting people, right? My comment was that there are certain people whom I don't really care if I accidentally insult them if I have a point to make.

If someone does something as a cyclist that is dangerous or stupid, it reflects on all of us. I don't care how much experience they have, if I have opportunity to say something about it, I will. I frankly don't care if what I say insults them, they need to be told. Sorry if that offends people, that's how I feel.

(this is why I put insult in quotes in my previous post - my intention wouldn't be to insult, it would be to inform)

I'm sorry but just because you see someone do something stupid, you can't assume intent or lack of knowledge -- they might have done something thoughtlessly or made a split-second decision and then realized that they made a mistake. This happens to me from time to time and I do my best to learn from it. It's ironic that you don't want me to make assumptions based on what I see when I look at you, but you think it's okay for you to make assumptions based on what you see when you look at someone else.

And I think I will never ever talk to strangers on a bike ride again because no matter how friendly I genuinely am trying to be, I apparently need to assume that the person will think my intent was to insult them.

[tulip]

To the OP and others who find such comments as in the original post offensive, perhaps this will help. It has helped me--I used to get really insecure at people's comments or actions, thinking the world--and everyone's else's world--revolved around me for better AND for worse. I finally got over that and realized that mostly people just don't notice the things I notice about myself.

You CANNOT control what other people think, do, or say. You CAN control your reaction to them. You have the choice to let the comment get to you, or you can Let. It. Go.

The choice is yours.

[GLC1968]

I'm sorry but just because you see someone do something stupid, you can't assume intent or lack of knowledge -- they might have done something thoughtlessly or made a split-second decision and then realized that they made a mistake. This happens to me from time to time and I do my best to learn from it. It's ironic that you don't want me to make assumptions based on what I see when I look at you, but you think it's okay for you to make assumptions based on what you see when you look at someone else.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

My only assumption was when you talked about "plenty of experienced riders who do stupid and dangerous things" you meant that they were doing those things on purpose.

If you meant otherwise, then I misunderstood.

[Zen]

So now it's okay to intentionally insult people?

Yes.
My go to insult is "you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny".
Or 'I know I am but what are you?"