Cycling goals ruining friendship

[lph]

Okay. So any good tips on how to handle it? I'm not being facetious, I just have no clue.

[Crankin]

Well, I am not sure what to tell you. You can point blank ask them, "Do you realize what you are doing?" This would be in reference to what they are doing to you.... and if you can, tell the person how it makes you feel, using non-judgmental language. if you know anything about their background, family of origin, you might have an inkling about what the original abandonment was. Maybe if you can get the friend to see his/her pattern with you, he or she will see that this is a common thread in their life.
But, really, one needs therapy to work through this.

[ny biker]

Okay. So any good tips on how to handle it? I'm not being facetious, I just have no clue.

I would say something to make it clear that the situation wasn't personal. Something like, I'm sorry but I really did have other plans. They fell apart at the last minute so the easiest thing was to go out for a ride by myself. But I am really looking forward to our ride on [whatever] day.

[Flybye]

There is also the good old "I message"
I feel ____
when you ____
because______
I want you to _____
instead.

I feel angry when you act like we can not have a friendship unless I cycle with you every time that I ride (because) I wish that our friendship was based on more than superficial things like bike rides. I want you to give me some room to do things on my own and still be my friend (instead).

[lph]

Thank you, these are good suggestions. I'll try to bear them in mind, and not get caught up into defending myself. I did explain what had happened (in rather explosive language, I'm afraid), and he didn't want to believe me.

I'm going to talk with him today, but with a basic background of distrust I'm not really too optimistic. There is a pattern, but I'm not a therapist and I honestly don't want that burden.

Thanks again, ladies, and sorry for hogging the thread.