Cycling goals ruining friendship

[featuretile]

I also felt a little intimidated about group rides and getting dropped. I don't want to slow anybody down, but I also do not want to ride by myself either. I started to pick group rides where I knew the route so if I ended up alone, it would not be a big deal. Or I would make arrangements to meet up with someone else who was close to my speed and stay with them.

A few weeks ago I arrived at a ride start and didn't really know anyone there. I asked one group ready to leave if they were doing the B ride and no, they were doing the fast, long ride. Then I asked a woman standing next to me what her plans were and we decided to ride together. It was great. We were perfectly matched. Now we call each other to see if we are both going on rides. It is so much fun to ride with someone that you don't have to wait for or will leave you in the dust. And I'm getting better, so we did get to the lunch stop when the club was still there.

I'm a newer rider and she's been riding awhile but is getting older and not as fast as before. She didn't tell me her age until we'd gone out together a few times because she was afraid I wouldn't want to ride with her. She's 71. That is absolutely fantastic to me. If I can do this at 71, I will be very happy.

[Flybye]

From a counselors perspective this is not at all about getting dropped - it is about an insecure woman with friendship issues. She is afraid of being abandoned as a friend and the ride is just a metaphor. Blatant honesty with her about you being afraid that you will become another one of her "people I put on my vendetta list" simply because you have differing goals is the only and best way to solve the problem. Put the challenge on her to find a way to find a way to accept the fact that you can still like her AND go on bike rides without her.