I just finished fully reading your post, Sarah. I just skimmed it the first time and didn't realize the depth of the problem. I'm sorry for sounding like I was making light of it.

To me, it sounds to me like your DH is generally unhappy about life. He doesn't want to make decisions and he doesn't want you making decisions.
It also doesn't sound like the lines of communication between you two are very open either, (common with most men).
My DH is stressed about work right now and it has been a little difficult to get close, if you know what I mean. But we try to keep the communication lines open and let each other know how we're feeling and why. It doesn't always work out perfectly, but eventually we get there.

I think you need to try to find out what is at the root of his anger and depression. It sounds as though it goes fairly deep. When nothing is right in your life, that is usually just the surface of something going on much deeper inside. You are just seeing a smaller manifestation of a much bigger problem.

I don't know the entire situation, but I would suggest, if possible, take a weekend vacation together. Just the two of you. Somewhere where you can get away from everything and get the chance to talk.

I hope you find a solution for this soon. I know from personal experience that you are in a very difficult place right now.
Please let us know how things are going.
Private messages on the topic would be ok with me too.