Elope?

[GLC1968]

I did not elope, but my mother offered us 10K to do so. Both my husband and I agreed, but then she jokingly laughed it off...she wanted the wedding more than I did! I do like being the center of attention though - at least, when I feel good about myself (which I did that day)...so it was all good. I got to see so many friends and family that I hadn't seen in ages and we had a blast (95% of my guests were from out of state).

Anyway, my brother did elope. He and his wife went down to city hall, signed some paperwork and then went out for dinner. He called me on his way out of the building as a married man and told me. I assume that they had witnesses, but I have no idea who they were. No family, no friends...from either side. My family is close, so we all admitted that we'd have been hurt had we lived anywhere near him at the time. His wife is not close with her family, so there were no issues there. They had already been engaged for about 6 months - so we all knew it would happen eventually anyway.

My personal vision of my wedding was always very, very similiar to the wedding at the end of the 'Runaway Bride' movie where they are in a hilltop in the fall with gorgeous views, foliage and a simple white dress. Friends and family, optional.

[KnottedYet]

Like GLC, I found the final wedding in "Runaway Bride" to be pretty close to my ideal. Tiny tiny ceremony, followed by big party!

There is nothing "falling short" about eloping or tiny weddings. It's what you bring to the event in your heart and what you take away afterwards that really matters, no matter how cliched that may seem.

List out the things that are most important to the two of you, and create the wedding that fits you. Rites of passage have the meanings we give them. (and writhing with embarrassed shyness during a huge wedding would NOT have fit me!)

I'm very active in my church, and it was important to me that we be married by a minister of my church. Rev. Stewart is one of my favorite ministers, I deeply admire him and I listen to his sermons over and over again on podcast. Being married by him was like being married by a rock star!

There is nothing particularly legally binding about having a minister sign the license. As a courtesy, the state automatically deputizes clergy so they can sign at any time. You can deputize a family member or a friend to sign your license (it's about $50) or have a justice of the peace or county clerk sign (again, about $50). You can have a ceremony or not, as you wish. You can have the license signed weeks before the ceremony to take the stress off. There's an amazing amount of flexibility built into the system.

You don't even have to exchange rings at the ceremony or signing, if you'd rather do it in private.

If you don't want a diamond ring, you don't have to have one. You don't have to have an engagement ring at all. Trek chose a channel-set sapphire band for her engagement ring, she's not a diamond ring kind of gal, either. I didn't want an engagement ring, so I'm right there with you.

Our elopement was the wedding of my dreams, and really what I'd wanted all along. Very small. We will get as formal and elaborate and big as we want for our celebration (probably on an anniversary). I've already got the dress picked out!

Whatever you choose to do, make it something you will both love and feel comfortable with. The wedding is for you, the party is for everyone else. It will never "fall short" if it's yours.

[Triskeliongirl]

We didn't elope, but we had a 'surprise wedding' with just our immediate families present. We didn't want to do the large wedding/planning, etc. So we just invited our immediate families to dinner at our apartment, telling them it was to celebrate my husband's birthday. We hired a justice of the peace to come to the apartment, we wore normal nice clothes (I wore a pretty hand made white knee length dress I had bought when visiting greece) and we got married. Then we cooked and served our own wedding dinner (roast lamb, hmmmmm!).

[WrensMom]

We didn't exactly elope, but we did get married pretty spontaneously with few people there. We did it at the magistrate court in Santa Fe. None of my family were there, but a few of his came (mom, dad, sisters), and a couple of our friends. Afterwards we all went out for dinner. I wore a purple dress that I liked (and got on sale!) and he wore a regular suit. We both just have plain white gold bands, nothing fancy. It was great not having a big old event to stress over. Our little cool thing was that we got married 01/01/01 at 1pm. Like everyone else said, do what YOU want, and be happy!

[GLC1968]

Whatever you choose to do, make it something you will both love and feel comfortable with. The wedding is for you, the party is for everyone else. It will never "fall short" if it's yours.

Yes, yes, yes!

Even though I wouldn't have opted for the big huge, formal wedding we had, I did control the ceremony - 100%. I wrote it, actually. We wrote our vows together (completely original) and I put the rest of the ceremony together using bits and pieces from multiple cultures/traditions. As a couple, we had to compromise on a few things because I refused to be married in a church but yet my husband insisted that we had to be married by a member of the clergy. I had some very strict rules about what could and could not be said by the minister and luckily, he was very forward thinking and very accomodating. We had to interview quite a few before we found someone I was comfortable with...

I was adamant that there would not be one single thing about that day that made either me or my husband uncomfortable. I didn't care how difficult it made things (it really didn't), but it was incredibly important to me. There were songs the band was not allowed to play, there were 'traditions' that would not be followed, and there were words that could not be used...all in the name of our choices.

Make the day YOURS. That's what matters the most, no matter what it is you do with it...

[Andrea]

You should ask the same question on that "other" forum...

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Like GLC, I found...

Welcome back.

[indysteel]

You should ask the same question on that "other" forum...

LOL. I don't think either one of us is ready to broadcast this there. Madness and mayhem (aka Gutfiddle) will ensue. So, you can keep a secret, right?

[SheFly]

We "eloped" and I loved it!

This was a second marriage for both of us, and we didn't want all of the hoopla that went with a wedding [again]. We didn't tell anyone we were getting married, but went and got the license and blood work early in the month, and planned a date and time at town hall. No witnesses required.

Funny story - I did plan on a new outfit (purchased specially for our 5 minute ceremony), grew my hair, and had a hair appt for an updo. Funnier? When I donned my new outfit, FDH said, in all seriousness, "You didn't buy that to get married in did you?" He hated it. So, five minutes before the ceremony at town hall, I was rifling in the closet and wore a burgundy silk suit I had there (DH wore khakis, sport coat and tie).

We went to the town hall where we were married by the town clerk - no friends, no relatives, no staff, just the three of us. Afterwards, we came home, changed clothes, packed the truck and drove to the Cape for the weekend (we got married on a Friday). When we returned home on Sunday, we called both sets of parents to tell them. I actually announced to all of our friends by email!

My in-laws did have a SMALL (immediate family only) party with cake for us, and my parents celebrated with us when they came for their next visit.

Would I do it this way again? Hopefully I never have to, but ABSOLUTELY YES! It is a very special memory to me - a day shared by my DH and I alone, focused on our marriage, and not on the wedding.

Good luck!

SheFly

[indysteel]

We "eloped" and I loved it!

This was a second marriage for both of us, and we didn't want all of the hoopla that went with a wedding [again]. We didn't tell anyone we were getting married, but went and got the license and blood work early in the month, and planned a date and time at town hall. No witnesses required.

Funny story - I did plan on a new outfit (purchased specially for our 5 minute ceremony), grew my hair, and had a hair appt for an updo. Funnier? When I donned my new outfit, FDH said, in all seriousness, "You didn't buy that to get married in did you?" He hated it. So, five minutes before the ceremony at town hall, I was rifling in the closet and wore a burgundy silk suit I had there (DH wore khakis, sport coat and tie).

We went to the town hall where we were married by the town clerk - no friends, no relatives, no staff, just the three of us. Afterwards, we came home, changed clothes, packed the truck and drove to the Cape for the weekend (we got married on a Friday). When we returned home on Sunday, we called both sets of parents to tell them. I actually announced to all of our friends by email!

My in-laws did have a SMALL (immediate family only) party with cake for us, and my parents celebrated with us when they came for their next visit.

Would I do it this way again? Hopefully I never have to, but ABSOLUTELY YES! It is a very special memory to me - a day shared by my DH and I alone, focused on our marriage, and not on the wedding.

Good luck!

SheFly

That all sounds great. There is definitely some appeal to getting hitched here and then "running off" to our honeymoon. Between my boss and my former boss (both judges), City Hall, and any number of attorney friends who can become judge pro tems for the day, there are a lot of options.

When I look at places, say in California or Utah, that cater to destination weddings, whether elopement or otherwise, I start to sweat. Granted, I really do lack the bride gene, but it feels oddly contrived, but I like the idea of a romantic setting. We spent some time this spring in Tennessee. It would be nice to go back there (though not to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg) for the ceremony.

Clearly, BF and I need to talk in depth about what we want. I'm the planner as between the two of us, but all of these decisions need to be made jointly. I'd like to at least present him with the most viable options, however.

Thanks for all the stories. I'd nice to see that so many of you don't have regrets and were able to fashion something that felt right for you. And congrats to Trek and Knotted!

And if TrekJeni is out there.....let me know what you decided to do about your own wedding. I haven't seen an update in a while.

[snapdragen]

LOL. I don't think either one of us is ready to broadcast this there. Madness and mayhem (aka Gutfiddle) will ensue. So, you can keep a secret, right?

Of course we can....... //evil grin



I don't let this place overlap with that place..

[indysteel]

Of course we can....... //evil grin

Now remember Snap, "you're the nice one"!

Thanks for keeping mum. I appreciate it.

[Reesha]

I imagine for myself and if all goes well in a few years, my current boyfriend a destination elopement. Nothing secret, no vegas, but somewhere beautiful and a place we'd feel good about going straight into our honeymoon. Bermuda has always been a favorite place, but other places I've thought about are the Mediterranean (Sicily particularly), Iceland. I really just want the wedding to be me and him (or whichever guy I end up marrying). I know it's nice for family to see, but I am also really into the intimacy of doing it privately. Ultimately the vows are between us and no one else. When we get back I want to plan a big lakeside bbq with a giant raspberry tiramisu!

Also I'd like to wear an ankle length strapless dress made of eyelet cotton

[Andrea]

LOL. I don't think either one of us is ready to broadcast this there. Madness and mayhem (aka Gutfiddle) will ensue. So, you can keep a secret, right?

I'm not tellin' if you're not!

[mtbdarby]

Congrats Indy!

For what it's worth, I did elope and I would not do it again for the following reasons:
We eloped because we could not agree on any part of the wedding. In hindsight, this was an indicator for issues in our marriage.

I have a very strong faith in God and really felt like we did not have a strong spiritual foundation for our marriage.

I'm a daddy's girl and I REALLY wanted my dad to give me away and have my family's blessing. They did not know we were eloping and although they never said a word, I know they were disappointed (I'm the youngest girl).

Our marriage didn't survive and I don't blame eloping, lol. I do, however, look back at why we did it that way and see that I compromised some of my core values at the time and now realise you can't do that and not end up resenting your partner at some point for it. Be true to yourselves and discuss everything before getting married to make sure you do share the same core values. I still have my dream wedding planned in my head and it's a small family affair. If I ever get married again I'll do it differently.

Enjoy your day however you want to!