I don't think anyone is really prepared and perfectly planned for having a baby until maybe baby 4 or 5 (and even then you can expect some surprises). Until then, both parents are kind of winging it as best they can. And a baby will make it pretty clear that no one gets out of baby duty at any time of the day. The plans that you make for division of labor before having a baby generally get tossed out the window by day 2 and then you divide labor up by what works best for all of your for the baby you get (which is going to be different than the next baby you get, and they are all going to be different than the imaginary baby you planned for).

Which is not to say that premarital counselling isn't needed--I think everyone can benefit from that so they can have some sort of formal conversation about the big issues in marriage (one DH and I never thought about before premarital counselling was how to handle family holidays--whose traditions, whose house, etc. Five years of dating and we never talked about that!). All I'm saying is that when DH and I agreed beforehand that I didn't mind dealing with poopy diapers as long as he knew that I would always expect him to clean up vomit because I couldn't bear to, well, we did that not knowing that baby #1 would have reflux and would throw up all the time and baby #2 would be disabled and still not potty trained at age 8. So now I clean up vomit and he changes poopy diapers and we've all learned to deal.

Sarah