Quote Originally Posted by GLC1968 View Post
I haven't weighed in on this post before now, partly because I'm not 100% sure how I feel about many of the topics presented here. I have very much enjoyed reading all the points of view discussed so far.

I tend to cringe at the term 'feminist'. I'm not sure why, though. Perhaps because if I were to 100% embrace all that being a feminist would have meant in my younger days, it would also have meant being forced to look down upon all the choices my mother made in life, and I couldn't do that.

My mother didn't finish college. She was an 'airline stewardess' (yes, that's what they were called then) back when there was a height and weight requirement (and a heel height requirement, too!). She gave up her 'career' to marry my father and raise children even though that wasn't really what she wanted out of life. She wanted to be a doctor, but it just wasn't in the cards for her. Could she have fought for it? Absolutely. Did she? Apparently not, and I don't really know why.

I do know that my mom ran her own business out of the home when we were kids. My mother was the one who mowed the lawn and chased down errant spiders. She also did the cooking, the cleaning and the child care. She forced me to play soccer on the boys team (yes, I was forced - I was screaming and crying in the car on the way there because I didn't want to, but she made me) so that I would learn teamwork and the importance of physical activity (there were no 'girls' teams then). She encouraged me to play with Tonka trucks and Lego's along with my Barbies. As I got older, she ensured that I had every opportunity that my brother had. And from a very, very early age, she (and my father both) told me that I could do anything I set my mind to. I could be ANYTHING I wanted to be.

How did all this translate? Until I was in college, I didn't understand why all the boys wanted to be my friend but date someone else. I knew I could get more respect from a guy who looked at me as 'one of the boys', so that's how I related to them. Sexism is something that happens to other women, not to me. I remember when I was bartending and the sleezeball general manager used to hit on all the women in the place. He'd set their schedules so that he was working with certain ones. He'd give his 'favorites' better sections or better assignments. I saw how he spoke to them and about them because, like 98% of the men I've ever known, he treated me like one of the guys. Did I report him, hell yeah. Did he EVER treat me unfairly? Not once. I don't think it ever occurred to him to do so.

When I made a 180 degree career change at 29, I did so with intention. I purposely picked a field dominated by men. Why? Two reasons - 1) the subject matter did not come easily to me and I wanted a challege after my previous career and more importantly 2) because I knew I'd have an advantage. And did I ever. I got fellowships and grants because I was a minority. I got interviews and offers, TA positions, visiblity, opportunies, etc...partially because I was a woman in a field dominated by men, and partly because I spoke English natively (also a minorty for my field) and have excellent communication skills. I even had a paid PhD program laid at my feet at a top-rated school, if I wanted it...because there is an extreme shortage of women professors in my field.

I take full advantage of these opportunites. Opportunies created by the very women that would have frowned upon my mother's choices (in light of her desires). How do I rectify that?

Am I a feminist? I don't think so. How could I be when I take advange of the very inequality that feminism is trying to eliminate?
++++ great post!! ++++