Feminists? Any here?

[lph]

I think a lot of the liberation movements (of all strands) have been about realizing how "what we want" is actually constructed. It's not a conspiracy or anything, it's just that the world already exists by the time we're born and there's lots of expectations on people about how they're supposed to behave and be treated. 2That's the way we do it."

These expectations are based on gender for a large part and on other things too, call them race, class, ability, etc. You realize that these expectations are there when you break them, and you're negatively sanctioned for it. When you're clearly made to feel that you do not belong somewhere, or that you are not behaving in a way that's appropriate for you.
(...)
For my own life and ethics, I've accepted that there are expectations that I will simply fulfill, gender roles I will take, etc. because they are so deeply carved into me. I'm not sure if that's freedom, but I need to pick my struggles, and freedom is not my priority I guess. There are other expectations that I really don't think are right, and I do my part to inch toward change. I feel like a slug trying to get to Ushuaïa, and I'll probably get run over before I get there.

Well said. I think we often believe that our choices are more free than they are, because it's virtually impossible to really view all your options at every point in your life, and way too much trouble too. We tend to simplify our lives by choosing one of the options we know well, and are conditioned into.

[Zen]

Beaches are made of individual grains of sand.

Change takes time

Small things matter.

It all adds up.

[badger]

I'm completely jumping in this thread without having read any of the other replies, but figured my question probably relates to some matters of this topic.

As a single woman, I have to do everything by myself. Shopping for appliances, cars, visit home reno showrooms, etc. What I found is that salespeople almost literally avoid me (even saw one guy come around the corner of fridges and literally turn on his heel away from me!)

Car shopping alone as a woman was probably the most frustrating experience. I once had to go into the showroom of a Nissan dealership where all these guys were gathered around yakking. I had to say "what do I have to do to get some help around here?" they gave me some new guy who knew absolutey nothing, including the fuel efficiency of a Versa - hardly a rare car.

I'm also having a very difficult time right now with a major mattress chain (Sleep Country, for those who live in cities that have them). I bought a "floor model" mattress which later turned out to be used, they never told me and the salesman outright said I'm bonkers for even thinking that. They eventually admitted it but they still won't take it back! their stipulation is they want me to get the mattress professionally cleaned; something I'm not about to as that would acknowledge that I made the stains (truly, this is *ick*). They're just stalling and making things difficult for me so I'll just go away. What they don't realize is I'm just getting warmed up with the war they don't see coming.

[grey]

"Forget it. Life treats you the way you let it."
Flower Children, c.1920

I just want to see equality. We have come a long way, but there is still an almost-daily fight for respect.

Workmen we may hire will talk to my husband, and not to me if we are both standing in front of them - even though I'm the one who called the guy, and I'm the one who will be supervising his work (and know what it is he should be doing). When looking at cars, specifically a sporty car, I was shown a sedan and the fellow kept talking about safety features and how this would be a "nice, safe car" - after a test drive on a sporty car, he remarked that I was a good driver, like it was some kind of surprise that a woman can drive a stick and not grind gears to death.

How many of us are sick of having a doctor (or anybody else) asking if you are pregnant the moment you have any sort of illness? I joke that a broken toe would still warrant that question.

I used to become angry. Instead, now I just express clearly what it is I want from the start. I'm not a *itch, I actually make an effort to be firmly polite, but I do expect to be treated a certain way. If the car salesman wants to show me "safe cars" I say it's a shame they don't have what it is I want, and that I'll be moving on to the dealership next door. If a doctor wants to call my herniated disk a possible pregnancy, I leave (actually, I head it off now with "if you mention the p-word, I'm leaving"). And if a repairman wants to think I'm not worth talking to, I may throw in a pertinent observation to show that I'm present, if that doesn't change his perception, he simply isn't hired.

We can't change everybody. There are people who are the predjudiced pricks they are: such as the old man who suggested I must be a hoar one early morning while out walking a rescue dog (I was wearing my husband's sweatshirt, yoga pants and flip-flops, and the dog looked terrible). There are, and will always be, people whose minds will not change. The only thing you can do is ignore them.

In the end, all we can do is work for equality - and it would behoove us to realize that men are also being shoved into molds whether they like them or not. Our goal should be to live in harmony with one another. It isn't always easy... but my form of "feminisim" if the word must be used, is to work toward changing perceptions in a positive manner. I won't let life treat me badly, but neither will I treat anyone else badly for my own gain.

[shootingstar]

I like the opening quote, Grey.

Like badger I did own and looked after my own condo and had to get things done by hiring people. And after working in several workplaces that were predominantly male in terms of decision-making teams/powerbrokers/stakeholders, it served me well just to simply state in a polite way what I would like to do to solve a problem OR to make something better to benefit others also (take focus off me all the time) ..and keep at it. It does occasionally mean being abit more aware. It also means not getting too emotional particularily with strangers/distant acquaintances. Or even with our loved ones. Hard to hear above the cacaphony.

But as I said for myself feminism is inextricably touched with race relations. It still is on several different fronts but changed. Simple example: it is the dominant culture in North America that defines female beauty ideals. I still feel like old girl feminism from way back when black feminists and radicals were espousing "Black is beautiful" in '60's & '70's, in order for me ...to have accepted myself as I am. Which still means not dyeing my black hair, to blonde or red. Wonder how long I will resist the forces.

I also wonder how much guys worry/think about their own personal safety compared to women. If some women are afraid to cycle solo, walk alone at night, etc. because we will get assaulted, etc. It says volumes about a woman's perception of the world in general vs. men just on one's own daily personal bodily safety. We haven't progressed in this area...it could be argued there are just more technological tools for predators to do their thing.

"Forget it. Life treats you the way you let it."
Flower Children, c.1920

I just want to see equality. ...................

I used to become angry. Instead, now I just express clearly what it is I want from the start. I'm not a *itch, I actually make an effort to be firmly polite, but I do expect to be treated a certain way. If the car salesman wants to show me "safe cars" I say it's a shame they don't have what it is I want, and that I'll be moving on to the dealership next door. If a doctor wants to call my herniated disk a possible pregnancy, I leave (actually, I head it off now with "if you mention the p-word, I'm leaving"). And if a repairman wants to think I'm not worth talking to, I may throw in a pertinent observation to show that I'm present, if that doesn't change his perception, he simply isn't hired.

We can't change everybody. There are people who are the predjudiced pricks they are: such as the old man who suggested I must be a hoar one early morning while out walking a rescue dog (I was wearing my husband's sweatshirt, yoga pants and flip-flops, and the dog looked terrible). There are, and will always be, people whose minds will not change. The only thing you can do is ignore them.

[Grog]

If a doctor wants to call my herniated disk a possible pregnancy, I leave (actually, I head it off now with "if you mention the p-word, I'm leaving").

I agree with everything you say, but not with this.

There is a very good reason why doctors do this. There is a rule in medicine that says that "every woman under the age of 70 is pregnant until proven otherwise." The reason for this is that an ectopic pregnancy can kill you FAST. So in any case of abdominal/trunk pain (includes pain in the kidney area, can even be shoulder pain, etc.) in a woman you want to rule that out IMMEDIATELY. I'm not kidding.

I admit that it gets annoying - especially if you haven't been getting any intimacy with a male partner - but it's for a really good reason. Even if you're on the pill you could be pregnant, even if you don't think you could be you can be pregnant, even if you don't quite remember the last time you approached a male... it's really in women's best interest that this is systematically checked. You wouldn't believe the number of women out there who cannot believe that they could be pregnant... and they are.

Just my .02 cents. Canadian, no less.

(I should add that in their younger days, a female relative had terrible abdominal pain for a bit, and her husband - a doctor - did not think that it was anything else than just "normal" "female" abdominal pain. She even got on a 3-hour flight but ended up in ER, and she was having an ectopic pregnancy. The male relative I think still feels guilty to this day for not thinking about that possibility, because it's such an crucial part of his training, and his wife could have died pretty quick.)

[Biciclista]

"every woman under the age of 70 is pregnant until proven otherwise."

SEVENTY??

My doctors quit asking me that about 5 years ago, or when I turned 50

[Pax]

SEVENTY??

My doctors quit asking me that about 5 years ago, or when I turned 50

Mine still asks each visit, even though I had a hysterectomy ten years ago...and she's been my doc for almost 12 years.

[Crankin]

I understand the pregnancy rule. It was brought home to me when I had a doctor friend come over and check me out for a sinus infection when I was about 35. Usually, his wife, a nurse practitioner and a close friend, did this for me, but she was unavailable. He asked me the p question, even though he was the one that referred my DH to the doc who did his vasectomy! I burst out laughing, but I *could* have been fooling around...

[Thorn]

Yep, no age limit. I resemble that remark. As an x-ray tech I had to ask every female that walked into my room whether she could be pregnant. So, yes, even if you had a broken toe, you'd get the pregnancy question. Sorry.

[Zen]

BUT ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS
I was plain-out joyful upon reading this

[shootingstar]

Later....to read this long piece of snippets of "wisdom" with Judge Judy.

It takes long enough to read the whole of this 1 TE thread topic. Whew..!

[Pax]

BUT ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS
I was plain-out joyful upon reading this

That was cool!

[sgtiger]

LMAO! That was good, Zen.

[Jewell]

I'm completely jumping in this thread without having read any of the other replies, but figured my question probably relates to some matters of this topic.

As a single woman, I have to do everything by myself. Shopping for appliances, cars, visit home reno showrooms, etc. What I found is that salespeople almost literally avoid me (even saw one guy come around the corner of fridges and literally turn on his heel away from me!)

Car shopping alone as a woman was probably the most frustrating experience. I once had to go into the showroom of a Nissan dealership where all these guys were gathered around yakking. I had to say "what do I have to do to get some help around here?" they gave me some new guy who knew absolutey nothing, including the fuel efficiency of a Versa - hardly a rare car.

I'm also having a very difficult time right now with a major mattress chain (Sleep Country, for those who live in cities that have them). I bought a "floor model" mattress which later turned out to be used, they never told me and the salesman outright said I'm bonkers for even thinking that. They eventually admitted it but they still won't take it back! their stipulation is they want me to get the mattress professionally cleaned; something I'm not about to as that would acknowledge that I made the stains (truly, this is *ick*). They're just stalling and making things difficult for me so I'll just go away. What they don't realize is I'm just getting warmed up with the war they don't see coming.

Single mothers don't get the credit they deserve. I'm gonna show you a website with a few articles, warning, their radical badger, but oh so amazing. She's gonna sound charged, because she is for good reason. http://users.resist.ca/~kirstena/pag...smisogyny.html