Dear So and So

[chatterbox]

Dear students making kissy-face in the bike lane,

I'm sure you've seen the signs in various places throughout campus declaring bike free zones. But perhaps you haven't really noticed that there are pretty much only two routes a bike can take through campus, and that they're clearly marked with little bikes painted on the pavement, not to mention the double-yellow lines. So due to the fact that I must stay on the bike path or risk a ticket for endangering the lives of pedestrians, would you please take your makeout session elsewhere? That goes triple for the young ladies walking four abreast across both directions of the bike lane. Do not look surprised when I continue to ride toward you. Do not look put out when I do not yield. Get. Out. Of. My. Bike lane.

Sincerely,
A cyclist and campus citizen

[cylegoddess]

Dear Dog ownerz, Crazy Cyclist guys

I love dogs too but I do not love you leaving their droppings on the side of the shared path.Do you have any idea how hard it is too remove dog poo from MB cleats?Do you?!! WHY must you ruin a quick sit down with a snack on fresh green grass, with your dogs! CLEAN UP.
I have to stop to remove jumpers, rest,rejuive contacts and such, and its really getting me down, Of course, I could just stop on path, like most of you do even though I have slowed down to a crawl, speaking loudly - hey! sorry cycle coming thru on left, nearly falling over but then...
I couldnt get in a near crash with the hot shot lycra lads, riding at near warp speed, who clearly would like to show me how much it hurts to stack your bike at high speeds.
I know its a fantasy of mine, hot guy cyclists- but not covered in blood AND NOT NOT NOT with my bike broken!

[cylegoddess]

Dear GOvt,

I do appreciate you redoing the cycling paths, but next time can you do me a favour and use something that isnt ROUGHER than the previous surface?
It should be smooth enough that I dont blow a tire, jiggle all water bottles out of cages or fantasize that I am riding the Paris- Roubaix, Ardenen forest leg,please.

[Lise]

Dear students making kissy-face in the bike lane,

I'm sure you've seen the signs in various places throughout campus declaring bike free zones. But perhaps you haven't really noticed that there are pretty much only two routes a bike can take through campus, and that they're clearly marked with little bikes painted on the pavement, not to mention the double-yellow lines. So due to the fact that I must stay on the bike path or risk a ticket for endangering the lives of pedestrians, would you please take your makeout session elsewhere? That goes triple for the young ladies walking four abreast across both directions of the bike lane. Do not look surprised when I continue to ride toward you. Do not look put out when I do not yield. Get. Out. Of. My. Bike lane.

Sincerely,
A cyclist and campus citizen

Oh, man. Nothing raises my near-homicidal ire like people f'ing around in the bike lane! I had a whole rant on TE once titled "Lexus in the Bike Lane". Get the F out of the bike lane! I've been reminded that pedestrians have the right of way, etc, but c'mon people. A sticker on my Larkspur reads, "I AM TRAFFIC". If people just wander into the path of cars, they're called "crazy people". OK, rant off!

[Blueberry]

Dear soon-to-be-married couple:

It's REALLY tacky to put on your wedding website (which is the only way one finds out the details from your emailed invite) that one should make sure to include a gift receipt if choosing to give you a present.

I'm also still scratching my head as to why you're getting married in my town - when you feel it necessary to say on said website that, for one's safety, one should not go outside after dark.

Signed,

A confused and annoyed wedding guest who will now be buying a much smaller present

[Selkie]

When one door shuts, another better one opens - please let it be so.

[maillotpois]

Dear cough - Go away.

[OakLeaf]

Dear voters who voted down the school levy for, I don't even remember, the sixth or seventh time in a row: WTF. Common sense and the ability to think critically are not finite resources. Denying them to children will not bring you any closer to having them.

[bmccasland]

Dear numbnut that's doing the hazmat investigation - I don't care why you didn't get the contractor to do the change order, and are now doing the work in house. Acknowledge the fact that you haven't done the work YET, and the report is due, and get your sorry a$$ out there to do the work. No you can't drive right up to the site, you'll have to hike in. We knew this, we told you this. Just get the work done, and get the site report done, so I can get the next step done. Trust me, if the date gets missed, and heads roll, it won't be mine. You're already a month behind.

[Tuckervill]

Dear My-Dad's-Neighbor,

Did you really think it would help get rid of the solicitor at the door if you got in your car and tried to run him over? Did you really think this wouldn't lead to other problems? Like hitting my car broadside on the street? Really?

Did you really think it was wise to wait until after I'd left to come out and apologize to my dad? The estimate is $2,000. I hope you have to pay every cent out of your pocket! And I hope you move away soon, or at least keep your lawn mowed this summer.

Signed,
Just another of your victims

[Eden]

Dear Frustrated Drivers,
Yes I know its bike to work month and you are seeing a lot more of us out there, but think on this. Every time you threaten me by coming up behind and repeatedly blowing your horn, scream at me or pass me with cms to spare you are telling me through your actions that my health, welfare and very life are much less important than 20 seconds of your time. Now do you understand why I get upset? Please don't devalue my existence like that. I'm a human being going about my business too. You are not more important than me.

[cylegoddess]

Dear Bike shop,

how come It took me only five( only been riding a year, just bought a Zinn's bike maint manual) to fix my brakes, when I paid money and left my bike - and you STILL gave me back a bike that I rode for 6 months, with rubbing brakes?
Ive been riding on full brakes for 6 MONTHS!
I know you are all young and keen on bikes, but could you be keen on fixing them properly? I figured it out, and Im not terribly mech minded.( Just a tread head, working on it.)
Wow , I wonder how easy it is going to be, when I stop feeling so ill and try it out again....

[crazycanuck]

Dear Western Australians that voted NO in today's daylight savings referendum.

What is wrong with you? Why is it that change is an alien idea to people in this state? Changing Shopping hours etc are just too hard for you to grasp. In regards to putting your children to bed when it's still light Where i come from in Alberta we have backwards thinking folk as well but we still accept daylight savings.

When i was young & the sun didn't go down til say 10pm in the summer, I still had to go to bed when the sun was up. It's called discipline & obviously parents nowadays don't grasp that concept either.

I'm not moving & am not applying for Aust citizenship just so i can vote on things like this. I have two already.

Fuddy duddies.

Unhappy Western Australian Resident

[Owlie]

Dear owner of the new white Trek on one of the north quad bike racks--
You have a lovely bike, and I hope you aren't just some freshman with more money than sense. I hope it was you who moved your bike and not someone who stole it. I would never leave my bike outside even with a lock, and mine cost less than yours did.

Dear self--
You have a bike. She's more than good enough for your needs right now. Please stop drooling over bikes that you are not going to be able to afford until you get out of graduate school. If you are going to look, look for a commuter bike for getting you between points A and B next year, not road bikes. She's getting jealous.

Dear bike--
I love you, really! I don't have time to ride right now, what with getting set for the new school year and taking the GRE on Saturday morning. Tell you what--Sunday morning, we go for a nice long ride with DBF and the Cannondale. Sound good to you?

[snapdragen]

Why is it every time I make plans to leave work early, all h*ll breaks loose and I get stuck. Now I get to drive over the hill to Santa Cruz in rush hour traffic....so much for arriving relaxed and calm.